James Taylor continued....
So I told him yea, I remembered him telling me that he needed/wanted to be a better person and we talked for a few minutes more before he told me this. "The past two weeks, I've really thought about being a better person and I've really tried to be one but I've come to a conclusion. I can't be a better person without someone or something to look forward to. 'Cause if I'm only trying to be a better person for myself then it will never happen 'cause I already think I'm an okay person. So..." and again he trailed off and took a deep breath and then he said, "Katrina I want to be a better person for you." I was totally shocked! I started to say something but James wasn't done yet. He said, "Katrina, you've been through so much with your sisters and family and especially with your ex. I know you've been hurt and I know that I'll more than likely never know the whole story behind the hurt that I see in you sometimes. I'm okay with that 'cause we all have our secrets and things we hide. But I've never seen you beaten by those things. You always seem to have a smile for everyone and you always look on the bright side of things. When things go all to Hell you sit there with a calm faith and a smile saying that God is taking care of everything. You inspire me to be a better person, but you also create in me a desire to protect you and care for you. When you cry, I feel like my heart is breaking and I don't want to ever cause you to cry because of me. So that's the reason for this whole thing. I want to be the man you need, the man God has sent to Earth for you, and that means that I can never stop attempting to be a better person."
Sis, I seriously started to cry when he told me this. It was so sweet and I told him that it was okay and he thought that he'd hurt my feelings and was all, I'm sorry I didn't mean to oh please don't cry, and I told him not to worry that these were happy tears. Then James wished me sweet dreams and we said goodnight. That was the first night in three weeks that I haven't had nightmares. (see post for January 26th) I've had nightmares since then but they haven't been near as bad...but they're getting bad again. Last night was the worst thus far. I don't know what's wrong with me...but don't worry, I'm fine. God is still watching over me and I trust he knows what he's doing but it helps me feel better to write about them here in my journal. I actually debated about showing you the January 26th entry 'cause I didn't want to worry you but I feel that your meant to read it. don't ask me how i know I just do. Well, I'll write back soon!
Lots of Love!
The sweet Chibi
Sis, I seriously started to cry when he told me this. It was so sweet and I told him that it was okay and he thought that he'd hurt my feelings and was all, I'm sorry I didn't mean to oh please don't cry, and I told him not to worry that these were happy tears. Then James wished me sweet dreams and we said goodnight. That was the first night in three weeks that I haven't had nightmares. (see post for January 26th) I've had nightmares since then but they haven't been near as bad...but they're getting bad again. Last night was the worst thus far. I don't know what's wrong with me...but don't worry, I'm fine. God is still watching over me and I trust he knows what he's doing but it helps me feel better to write about them here in my journal. I actually debated about showing you the January 26th entry 'cause I didn't want to worry you but I feel that your meant to read it. don't ask me how i know I just do. Well, I'll write back soon!
Lots of Love!
The sweet Chibi