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New fic! Yay me ^^ lol. Ahem anyways, it's a twist ending (well I hope it is)which i'm sure will surprise you all hopefully in a good way Beta'd (yay) by my good friend Pi (poetic_pixie_13), so if there are any more grammer or spelling mistakes, blame her lol ^^
Okay, hope you all enjoy ^^
Unattainable
You wanted to kiss him. It was that simple. You wanted to feel his full lips against yours, his tongue in your mouth, exploring and caressing your own. You wanted to kiss him so bad that it hurt. Your hands twitching every time he got close, resisting the urge to pull him close and kiss him until your head exploded. It was hard enough just sitting next to him, listening to him talk while in your mind you were thinking up different ways to get him into your bed.
Alas, no matter how much you wanted him, no matter how badly your heart longed for him, you could never have him. He was unattainable -forbidden to you actually -and nothing would ever change that fact. Why exactly? Well for one thing, he was still hung up over his ex-girlfriend/lover that was actually dead once but then resurrected -how sad is it that a corpse beat you for his affection?
Pretty damn sad really.
So really all you could do was admire him from afar -seeing but never touching. It hurt -a lot -being near him but never with him. And you could tell that it was hurting him too. Oh you could probably call it wishful thinking but you knew that he felt the same way. You can tell whenever he laid his amber eyes on you that he longed for you -for your touch, taste, smell -just like you longed for him. It was forbidden, it was wrong.
But oh did you want him.
To run your fingers through his silver mane, to be able to declare your love -yeah of course this is love -to the world without the fear of being looked down upon. He was a hanyou, you were a spiritual figure -your union was already frowned upon, and if you were to ever get together well…let’s just say Kikyo had a reason for wanting him to become human. Unlike her though, you didn’t care. Let them talk, you wanted him, to call him as your own -screw what others thought. You wanted to kiss him, hold him and fuck him whenever you wanted.
Screw what anybody else thought. Their opinions didn’t matter, only yours did.
Turning your head, you watch him carefully as he sits across from you, gutting fish with his skilful hands as the firelight casts ominous shadows against his face. His brows are furrowed in concentration while his ears twitch back and forth on his head -your fingers itching to touch them -probably scouting the area. Right now you two are the only ones at camp, the others gone looking for firewood and more fish for the night.
He pauses in his work and makes to wipe the sweat off his brow, only to catch you watching him. Raising a quizzical brow at you, you turn your head away, embarrassed -jeez you’re so pathetic. Swallowing, you watch from the corner of your eye as he returns to his task of preparing the fish -a smirk on his face -your pulse racing. Damn him and his ability to reduce you to a hormonal teenager.
Biting your lip, you get up slowly and sit beside him. Close enough to smell his unique scent which is sort of a combination of the forest and the smell of the air after a thundershower -which smelled really damn good -but far enough that you were barely touching. His back stiffens a bit and you wonder if it’s because of you or because you are sitting too close to him -knowing him it’s probably the latter.
‘Sorry,’ you mumble as you scoot away from him.
He grunts in response, his eyes never straying from the fish in his hands -wow, you can’t even take his attention away from dead fish.
You two sit in a comfortable silence, a calm look on your face even though inside you feel far from calm -scared and nervous to be exact. You aren’t really sure what possessed you to sit this close beside him in the first place, and right now you’re starting to regret it. Maybe you should just move away, he doesn’t seem to want you this close.
The only person he ever seemed to be truly comfortable with was her. The one who you knew he loved -it was so obvious -even though he denies it. Even though he never voiced it, you knew that he did, by the way he looked, acted and smiled towards her -he never did that to you, not like he would ever. A stab of jealousy would always go through your heart whenever you saw them together, but you knew that it couldn’t be helped -they were in love. It was killing you, but you kept this pain hidden, why should you put the burden of your pain on others, they had their own problems to deal with. The major one being Naraku -that fucking bastard -but that’s beside the point.
The point is he is in love with her, and not with you, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t stop trying.
An inner debate rages within you -should you tell him, should you not. Without even realizing it, your mind is already made and you say his name, trying to call attention to yourself.
He looks up from his task, a few strands of his hair sticking to his forehead. ‘What do you want?’ he says, irritated.
You rub the back of your neck nervously. What do you want? At first you wanted to tell him, but now you aren’t so sure -for one thing he’s staring at you so intently that you can’t think any coherent thoughts. ‘Well…I…er…well…you see…I was w -wondering…’ you swallow, ‘have you seen Kikyo recently?’ you blurt out.
He frowns and you mentally kick yourself. ‘No.’ He says coldly.
‘Right,’ you turn away, picking up a stick, which you use to stoke the fire.
‘Why do you want to know?’
‘No reason,’ you say nonchalantly.
‘There has to be a reason if you asked me in the first place,’ he scowls, and you cringe at the tone of his voice.
‘I told you there isn’t.’
‘Just say it.’ He growls.
‘I’d rather not.’
‘Just say it before I -’
‘Do you still love her?’ you ask suddenly, turning to face him just in time to see his eyebrows rise up in shock.
He recovers quickly and turns away from you, a scowl on his face as he picks up a fresh fish to cut at. ‘What a stupid question to ask,’ he grumbles, his hands furiously ripping away at the fish.
‘Well do you?’ you ask baldly.
You notice him pause a bit, only to continue hacking away at the fish with a bit more force than necessary. ‘It doesn’t matter if I do or not,’ he says with a bit of an edge to his voice, ‘no one can love me, I’m an abomination, a mistake in everyone’s eyes. According to them I can’t love, monsters like me don’t have a heart,’ he sneers.
You place a hand on his shoulder, feeling him jerk under your touch. ‘They’re wrong,’ you say softly, your heart aching for him.
‘How would you know?’ he snaps, moving away from you. ‘You’re not me, you don’t know how it feels like.’
‘That’s true I don’t know,’ you agree, your eyes searching his face, ‘but I know you, and I know that you’re not like other Youkai. That unlike them, you do have a heart, you aren’t a monster and that you can love. Being with Kikyo is proof of that,’ you smile sadly, fighting back the wave of jealousy as you mention her name.
He looks away, his jaw set, a distant look in his eyes. ‘I wish I can believe you,’ he whispers quietly.
Without thinking, you grab his chin and kiss him, throwing all caution to the wind. It isn’t a passionate kiss, nor is it ‘hot and heavy,’ it’s more of a chaste one. A slow one, letting him know that he did in fact have the capacity to care, that he did in fact have people who care for him -such as yourself. After a few seconds you pull away, eyes closed, subconsciously licking your lips -savouring his taste, searing it into your memory. Opening your eyes, you find yourself staring into his, his amber eyes wide in shock.
‘Sorry,’ you mumble shyly, your hand still holding his chin as your lips tingle from the kiss.
He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing -once, twice -and nods, pulling away from you. Your hand falls limply to your side. His eyes bore into yours and you’re unable to look away, your breath coming out in short, sharp pants. He opens his mouth to say something but stops, his attention drawn to something behind you.
‘They’re coming,’ he says quietly, and before you can say something the sudden sound of footsteps reaches your ears.
‘Hey guys, we’re back.’ Shippo calls right before jumping between you and Inuyasha. Startled you both jump away from each other, Shippo staring at you two strangely as your face starts to heat up in humiliation.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ Shippo inquires innocently.
‘N -nothing,’ you reply hastily averting your eyes as you furiously prod away at the fire. Inuyasha, from the corner of your eye, quickly gets back to cleaning fish -how many fish does he have to clean? -his shoulders hunched as his hair blocks the rising blush on his face.
‘So what have you boys been up to?’ Sango asks, as she sits beside you.
‘Nothing,’ you and Inuyasha reply in unison. She quirks her eye in question, staring between you and Inuyasha. Shrugging she stretches her feet in front of her, yawning, her eyes dropping.
Running a hand down your face, you watch as Kagome goes and sits beside Inuyasha, leaning against his shoulder with her eyes closed. You bite back the rising bile at the back of your throat as your stomach lurches uncomfortably at the sight.
‘I can’t believe she still loves the guy,’ Sango whispers furiously in your ear. ‘You know he still loves Kikyo.’
Sighing, you allow Sango to lean into you. ‘Sango, love, you have to understand that in life…’ you trail off, catching Inuyasha’s gaze who turns away and blushes.
Sango pokes you in the side. ‘Understand what?’
Pausing, you stare off into space. If only you were able to finally come clean. To be able to tell everyone how you really felt, whom you really love. If only people were more opened minded to things like this, instead of shunning things that were different. If only…She pokes you again, a patient look on her face. You wrap an arm around her shoulders, hugging her close even though you wish that it were someone else you were hugging. You spare one last glance at Inuyasha and smile.
‘That you can’t help who you fall in love with.’
Okay, hope you all enjoy ^^
Unattainable
You wanted to kiss him. It was that simple. You wanted to feel his full lips against yours, his tongue in your mouth, exploring and caressing your own. You wanted to kiss him so bad that it hurt. Your hands twitching every time he got close, resisting the urge to pull him close and kiss him until your head exploded. It was hard enough just sitting next to him, listening to him talk while in your mind you were thinking up different ways to get him into your bed.
Alas, no matter how much you wanted him, no matter how badly your heart longed for him, you could never have him. He was unattainable -forbidden to you actually -and nothing would ever change that fact. Why exactly? Well for one thing, he was still hung up over his ex-girlfriend/lover that was actually dead once but then resurrected -how sad is it that a corpse beat you for his affection?
Pretty damn sad really.
So really all you could do was admire him from afar -seeing but never touching. It hurt -a lot -being near him but never with him. And you could tell that it was hurting him too. Oh you could probably call it wishful thinking but you knew that he felt the same way. You can tell whenever he laid his amber eyes on you that he longed for you -for your touch, taste, smell -just like you longed for him. It was forbidden, it was wrong.
But oh did you want him.
To run your fingers through his silver mane, to be able to declare your love -yeah of course this is love -to the world without the fear of being looked down upon. He was a hanyou, you were a spiritual figure -your union was already frowned upon, and if you were to ever get together well…let’s just say Kikyo had a reason for wanting him to become human. Unlike her though, you didn’t care. Let them talk, you wanted him, to call him as your own -screw what others thought. You wanted to kiss him, hold him and fuck him whenever you wanted.
Screw what anybody else thought. Their opinions didn’t matter, only yours did.
Turning your head, you watch him carefully as he sits across from you, gutting fish with his skilful hands as the firelight casts ominous shadows against his face. His brows are furrowed in concentration while his ears twitch back and forth on his head -your fingers itching to touch them -probably scouting the area. Right now you two are the only ones at camp, the others gone looking for firewood and more fish for the night.
He pauses in his work and makes to wipe the sweat off his brow, only to catch you watching him. Raising a quizzical brow at you, you turn your head away, embarrassed -jeez you’re so pathetic. Swallowing, you watch from the corner of your eye as he returns to his task of preparing the fish -a smirk on his face -your pulse racing. Damn him and his ability to reduce you to a hormonal teenager.
Biting your lip, you get up slowly and sit beside him. Close enough to smell his unique scent which is sort of a combination of the forest and the smell of the air after a thundershower -which smelled really damn good -but far enough that you were barely touching. His back stiffens a bit and you wonder if it’s because of you or because you are sitting too close to him -knowing him it’s probably the latter.
‘Sorry,’ you mumble as you scoot away from him.
He grunts in response, his eyes never straying from the fish in his hands -wow, you can’t even take his attention away from dead fish.
You two sit in a comfortable silence, a calm look on your face even though inside you feel far from calm -scared and nervous to be exact. You aren’t really sure what possessed you to sit this close beside him in the first place, and right now you’re starting to regret it. Maybe you should just move away, he doesn’t seem to want you this close.
The only person he ever seemed to be truly comfortable with was her. The one who you knew he loved -it was so obvious -even though he denies it. Even though he never voiced it, you knew that he did, by the way he looked, acted and smiled towards her -he never did that to you, not like he would ever. A stab of jealousy would always go through your heart whenever you saw them together, but you knew that it couldn’t be helped -they were in love. It was killing you, but you kept this pain hidden, why should you put the burden of your pain on others, they had their own problems to deal with. The major one being Naraku -that fucking bastard -but that’s beside the point.
The point is he is in love with her, and not with you, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t stop trying.
An inner debate rages within you -should you tell him, should you not. Without even realizing it, your mind is already made and you say his name, trying to call attention to yourself.
He looks up from his task, a few strands of his hair sticking to his forehead. ‘What do you want?’ he says, irritated.
You rub the back of your neck nervously. What do you want? At first you wanted to tell him, but now you aren’t so sure -for one thing he’s staring at you so intently that you can’t think any coherent thoughts. ‘Well…I…er…well…you see…I was w -wondering…’ you swallow, ‘have you seen Kikyo recently?’ you blurt out.
He frowns and you mentally kick yourself. ‘No.’ He says coldly.
‘Right,’ you turn away, picking up a stick, which you use to stoke the fire.
‘Why do you want to know?’
‘No reason,’ you say nonchalantly.
‘There has to be a reason if you asked me in the first place,’ he scowls, and you cringe at the tone of his voice.
‘I told you there isn’t.’
‘Just say it.’ He growls.
‘I’d rather not.’
‘Just say it before I -’
‘Do you still love her?’ you ask suddenly, turning to face him just in time to see his eyebrows rise up in shock.
He recovers quickly and turns away from you, a scowl on his face as he picks up a fresh fish to cut at. ‘What a stupid question to ask,’ he grumbles, his hands furiously ripping away at the fish.
‘Well do you?’ you ask baldly.
You notice him pause a bit, only to continue hacking away at the fish with a bit more force than necessary. ‘It doesn’t matter if I do or not,’ he says with a bit of an edge to his voice, ‘no one can love me, I’m an abomination, a mistake in everyone’s eyes. According to them I can’t love, monsters like me don’t have a heart,’ he sneers.
You place a hand on his shoulder, feeling him jerk under your touch. ‘They’re wrong,’ you say softly, your heart aching for him.
‘How would you know?’ he snaps, moving away from you. ‘You’re not me, you don’t know how it feels like.’
‘That’s true I don’t know,’ you agree, your eyes searching his face, ‘but I know you, and I know that you’re not like other Youkai. That unlike them, you do have a heart, you aren’t a monster and that you can love. Being with Kikyo is proof of that,’ you smile sadly, fighting back the wave of jealousy as you mention her name.
He looks away, his jaw set, a distant look in his eyes. ‘I wish I can believe you,’ he whispers quietly.
Without thinking, you grab his chin and kiss him, throwing all caution to the wind. It isn’t a passionate kiss, nor is it ‘hot and heavy,’ it’s more of a chaste one. A slow one, letting him know that he did in fact have the capacity to care, that he did in fact have people who care for him -such as yourself. After a few seconds you pull away, eyes closed, subconsciously licking your lips -savouring his taste, searing it into your memory. Opening your eyes, you find yourself staring into his, his amber eyes wide in shock.
‘Sorry,’ you mumble shyly, your hand still holding his chin as your lips tingle from the kiss.
He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing -once, twice -and nods, pulling away from you. Your hand falls limply to your side. His eyes bore into yours and you’re unable to look away, your breath coming out in short, sharp pants. He opens his mouth to say something but stops, his attention drawn to something behind you.
‘They’re coming,’ he says quietly, and before you can say something the sudden sound of footsteps reaches your ears.
‘Hey guys, we’re back.’ Shippo calls right before jumping between you and Inuyasha. Startled you both jump away from each other, Shippo staring at you two strangely as your face starts to heat up in humiliation.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ Shippo inquires innocently.
‘N -nothing,’ you reply hastily averting your eyes as you furiously prod away at the fire. Inuyasha, from the corner of your eye, quickly gets back to cleaning fish -how many fish does he have to clean? -his shoulders hunched as his hair blocks the rising blush on his face.
‘So what have you boys been up to?’ Sango asks, as she sits beside you.
‘Nothing,’ you and Inuyasha reply in unison. She quirks her eye in question, staring between you and Inuyasha. Shrugging she stretches her feet in front of her, yawning, her eyes dropping.
Running a hand down your face, you watch as Kagome goes and sits beside Inuyasha, leaning against his shoulder with her eyes closed. You bite back the rising bile at the back of your throat as your stomach lurches uncomfortably at the sight.
‘I can’t believe she still loves the guy,’ Sango whispers furiously in your ear. ‘You know he still loves Kikyo.’
Sighing, you allow Sango to lean into you. ‘Sango, love, you have to understand that in life…’ you trail off, catching Inuyasha’s gaze who turns away and blushes.
Sango pokes you in the side. ‘Understand what?’
Pausing, you stare off into space. If only you were able to finally come clean. To be able to tell everyone how you really felt, whom you really love. If only people were more opened minded to things like this, instead of shunning things that were different. If only…She pokes you again, a patient look on her face. You wrap an arm around her shoulders, hugging her close even though you wish that it were someone else you were hugging. You spare one last glance at Inuyasha and smile.
‘That you can’t help who you fall in love with.’