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Okay...Paula i know that i'm suppose to be writing your fic, but im kinda stuck on it right now, so i hope that you don't mind that i wrote this instead. Er...it's a bit angsty, sorta beta'd by poetic_pixie_13, hope you guys enjoy ^^
Oh...on the side note, Usagi/Mamoru=OTP and Laguna Beach is my new guilty pleasure! Stupid show, but it makes me feel way smarter when i watch it...lol
Never Leave
Some days you felt like shit. Today was one of them.
It was raining, hard. Water running down your face, blurring your vision and soaking you to the bone. You don’t care -you need this, to be able to feel again. Numb, so numb, ever since that day. You wrap your arms around your body, hugging yourself to keep warm -as if you could feel the warmth. Shivering slightly you wipe the rain out of your eyes, cursing the weather, him, your life -why was it always you? Did you deserve this? This madness, this chaotic life that destroys everything that you love? That you hold so dear? Did you deserve to have the whole weight of the world on your shoulders? To have to kill or be killed?
Did you?
No… you deserved to be normal. To be able to go out and act like a normal girl -to have an actual life. One without psychopathic demons trying to kill you wherever you go, without the burdens of trying to save the world from their demons while you had your own to deal with. You deserved to have love -actual, tangible love -to be in love and loved in return, not over shadowed by a living ghost. You deserved better than this.
You know you do.
You did your duty, gathering all the jewel shards and returning the jewel to its once flawless state. You did what you first set out to do, and now you wanted to return to where you belonged. You succeeded in that but failed where it mattered the most, and because of this, you paid dearly. And it’s because of this that he’s still alive, while they’re…not -the markers in front of you everlasting proof of it.
You wish you never came to this world in the first place. Everything would’ve been better if you hadn’t -your life would’ve been better. But it was too late, your happiness already slipping through your fingers.
You stare with unseeing eyes, the pain unbearable. They were gone, and it was all your fault, all his fault. You hate him.
It continues to rain, your hair plastered to your face, your teeth chattering -maybe if you’re lucky enough you’ll catch pneumonia and die. At least then you wouldn’t have to live with the guilt, with the fact that because of you they’re…
‘What are you doing here?’
You should’ve known he’d follow. You ignore his question; you ignore him -you don’t want to look at him, not now. Not ever.
‘Get inside before you get sick,’ he demands. He’s right behind you, his warm breath against your neck. Your hands clench into fists. He’s not the boss of you, not anymore. ‘Are you listening to me?’
You don’t reply -what’s there to say? -So you stand there, back turned to him as the rain relentlessly pours on you, the both of you. He shifts closer to you, so close that you can feel the heat of his body, one that used to comfort you but now it doesn’t -you aren’t sure what can now. He lightly touches your elbow but you move away from him, the brief contact soothing a bit of your aching soul.
‘Get back inside. Please.’ He whispers gently. He’s worried about you, worried enough that he’d actually say the word please.
‘Why are you doing this?’ you ask, still turned away from him. ‘Why can’t you just leave me alone?’
He moves beside you, watching you from the corner of his eye. ‘I’m doing this…to protect you.’
‘Protect…me?’ you reply slowly, the words rolling off the tip of your tongue. Anger rises inside you, your hands clench into small fists. ‘Protect me?’ You say again, your voice rising with each word. ‘What about them Inuyasha? Did you try to protect them?’ You turn to look at him, eyes blazing as he stares back at you with a calm look -oddly resembling Sesshomaru -his lips pressed firmly in a tight line. ‘They were your family, your friends. Don’t you care?’
‘They knew what they were getting into,’ he says easily, his eyes flickering towards their graves for a second, ‘they died for what the believed in, for what they fought for. They did their duty, now I must do mine.’ He reaches for you but you step away, staring at him in disbelief.
‘And what is your duty?’ You ask through clenched teeth.
‘To protect the jewel, and you’ he says calmly.
You stay still and blink. Once. Twice. A dry humorless laugh escapes your lips. ‘The jewel? The jewel?’ You cry out hysterically as another round of laughter passes through your lips. ‘It’s always been about the jewel hasn’t it,’ you ask angrily. ‘You don’t care about anything else but that don’t you? You don’t give a fuck about them or me.’
He shakes his head, spraying water everywhere. ‘That’s not true. I care about them too, but the fact is we still have to do our duty. We can’t waste time here and cry about the past, crying won’t solve anything. The only thing we can do now is avenge their deaths, kill the bastard who did this and move on,’ he says, his eyes determined. ‘The past is the past so get over it and move on with your life.’
You slap him. ‘You selfish bastard.’ You hiss. ‘Do you know how it’s like, holding someone you love as they slowly die in your arms? Their blood on your hands and no matter how hard you try to wash them,’ you pause looking at your hands, remembering the feel of Shippo’s blood all over them, ‘it never goes away? Do you know how much it hurts, knowing that you tried your best to save them when your best proved to not be good enough? Do you?’ You cry, tears of frustration running down your face. ‘No you don’t, because as you were trying your best to save your precious jewel, I was there trying to save my family.’
‘Kagome,’ he stares at you helplessly through his wet bangs. ‘I know you’re hurting, but you have to understand that this is war, and people die in them. We have to continue on though, not only for us but for them, for the people who are still living, to insure that they have a better life in the future.’
‘What about my life? What about my future?’ You yell. ‘I gave up my entire life to help out. All I was wanted was to go to school, make something out of my life, fall in love, have an actual life but I left it all behind and for what? To watch my best friends die by some deranged fucked up demon just for some stupid marble? Well guess what Inuyasha, I can’t take it anymore.’ Your breathing is erratic, your throat sore from all the yelling you did.
‘Do you hear that Naraku, you fucking coward. I give up. You can take the stupid jewel for all I care because I don’t care anymore. So what’re you waiting for? You win. Take it.’ You pull at the completed jewel around your neck, throwing it into the muddy ground. ‘It’s yours. I give up.’ You yell once more arms stretched out, face turned towards the heavens as raindrops pelt down against your face.
‘Shut up,’ he yells, pulling you against him, ‘Stupid wench, are you trying to get yourself killed?’ he growls.
‘Let me go.’ You struggle against his arms, trying to push him away. ‘Let me go. It’s all your fault they’re dead. It’s all your fault. I hate you.’ You scream, fighting against his hold as he pulls you closer. ‘I hate you.’
He does nothing but tightens his hold on you, but you can tell that you’re words hurt him. You want to hurt him, to make him feel how you feel. You bang your fists on his chest. ‘I hate you,’ you hit him harder, his body flinching with each punch. ‘Let me go, just let me go…’ his hold never wavers as you grow tired. You fall to your knees in the mud as he clutches you tightly against his chest, your face pressed against the rough material of his haori as you cry, your shoulders heaving with each shuddering sob. ‘I hate you,’ you whisper quietly as your body trembles from the cold.
He wraps his arms tighter around you. ‘I know.’ He says softly as he rubs your back. ‘I know.’
‘Why couldn’t you just let me die?’
He presses his wet cheek against yours, and despite the rain you know that he’s crying as well -his hot tears are proof that he is. ‘Because I’m selfish.’
You close your eyes, tears leaking out from under your eyelids. Grabbing a fistful of his shirt, you press your face against his chest, the soft steady beating of his heart calming you down. ‘Don’t leave me, please…I can’t lose you,’ you say weakly, ‘I -I just can’t.’
‘I thought you said you hated me?’ he whispers, resting his chin against the top of your head.
‘Just say you won’t…please. I all ready lost them, I can’t lose you too, not to Naraku, not to Kikyo, not to anyone, just please…never leave me.’ You shiver from the rain, his arms shielding you from the cold.
‘Why?’
You look up, pulling on a lock of his hair to bring his head closer to yours, pressing your forehead against his. You look into his amber eyes, full of sadness and remorse and you know that he’s hurting too. That he loved them as well. Closing your eyes you wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him closer as you stay, kneeling in the mud, rain pelting against your soaking wet bodies.
‘Because…I’m selfish too.’
Oh...on the side note, Usagi/Mamoru=OTP and Laguna Beach is my new guilty pleasure! Stupid show, but it makes me feel way smarter when i watch it...lol
Never Leave
Some days you felt like shit. Today was one of them.
It was raining, hard. Water running down your face, blurring your vision and soaking you to the bone. You don’t care -you need this, to be able to feel again. Numb, so numb, ever since that day. You wrap your arms around your body, hugging yourself to keep warm -as if you could feel the warmth. Shivering slightly you wipe the rain out of your eyes, cursing the weather, him, your life -why was it always you? Did you deserve this? This madness, this chaotic life that destroys everything that you love? That you hold so dear? Did you deserve to have the whole weight of the world on your shoulders? To have to kill or be killed?
Did you?
No… you deserved to be normal. To be able to go out and act like a normal girl -to have an actual life. One without psychopathic demons trying to kill you wherever you go, without the burdens of trying to save the world from their demons while you had your own to deal with. You deserved to have love -actual, tangible love -to be in love and loved in return, not over shadowed by a living ghost. You deserved better than this.
You know you do.
You did your duty, gathering all the jewel shards and returning the jewel to its once flawless state. You did what you first set out to do, and now you wanted to return to where you belonged. You succeeded in that but failed where it mattered the most, and because of this, you paid dearly. And it’s because of this that he’s still alive, while they’re…not -the markers in front of you everlasting proof of it.
You wish you never came to this world in the first place. Everything would’ve been better if you hadn’t -your life would’ve been better. But it was too late, your happiness already slipping through your fingers.
You stare with unseeing eyes, the pain unbearable. They were gone, and it was all your fault, all his fault. You hate him.
It continues to rain, your hair plastered to your face, your teeth chattering -maybe if you’re lucky enough you’ll catch pneumonia and die. At least then you wouldn’t have to live with the guilt, with the fact that because of you they’re…
‘What are you doing here?’
You should’ve known he’d follow. You ignore his question; you ignore him -you don’t want to look at him, not now. Not ever.
‘Get inside before you get sick,’ he demands. He’s right behind you, his warm breath against your neck. Your hands clench into fists. He’s not the boss of you, not anymore. ‘Are you listening to me?’
You don’t reply -what’s there to say? -So you stand there, back turned to him as the rain relentlessly pours on you, the both of you. He shifts closer to you, so close that you can feel the heat of his body, one that used to comfort you but now it doesn’t -you aren’t sure what can now. He lightly touches your elbow but you move away from him, the brief contact soothing a bit of your aching soul.
‘Get back inside. Please.’ He whispers gently. He’s worried about you, worried enough that he’d actually say the word please.
‘Why are you doing this?’ you ask, still turned away from him. ‘Why can’t you just leave me alone?’
He moves beside you, watching you from the corner of his eye. ‘I’m doing this…to protect you.’
‘Protect…me?’ you reply slowly, the words rolling off the tip of your tongue. Anger rises inside you, your hands clench into small fists. ‘Protect me?’ You say again, your voice rising with each word. ‘What about them Inuyasha? Did you try to protect them?’ You turn to look at him, eyes blazing as he stares back at you with a calm look -oddly resembling Sesshomaru -his lips pressed firmly in a tight line. ‘They were your family, your friends. Don’t you care?’
‘They knew what they were getting into,’ he says easily, his eyes flickering towards their graves for a second, ‘they died for what the believed in, for what they fought for. They did their duty, now I must do mine.’ He reaches for you but you step away, staring at him in disbelief.
‘And what is your duty?’ You ask through clenched teeth.
‘To protect the jewel, and you’ he says calmly.
You stay still and blink. Once. Twice. A dry humorless laugh escapes your lips. ‘The jewel? The jewel?’ You cry out hysterically as another round of laughter passes through your lips. ‘It’s always been about the jewel hasn’t it,’ you ask angrily. ‘You don’t care about anything else but that don’t you? You don’t give a fuck about them or me.’
He shakes his head, spraying water everywhere. ‘That’s not true. I care about them too, but the fact is we still have to do our duty. We can’t waste time here and cry about the past, crying won’t solve anything. The only thing we can do now is avenge their deaths, kill the bastard who did this and move on,’ he says, his eyes determined. ‘The past is the past so get over it and move on with your life.’
You slap him. ‘You selfish bastard.’ You hiss. ‘Do you know how it’s like, holding someone you love as they slowly die in your arms? Their blood on your hands and no matter how hard you try to wash them,’ you pause looking at your hands, remembering the feel of Shippo’s blood all over them, ‘it never goes away? Do you know how much it hurts, knowing that you tried your best to save them when your best proved to not be good enough? Do you?’ You cry, tears of frustration running down your face. ‘No you don’t, because as you were trying your best to save your precious jewel, I was there trying to save my family.’
‘Kagome,’ he stares at you helplessly through his wet bangs. ‘I know you’re hurting, but you have to understand that this is war, and people die in them. We have to continue on though, not only for us but for them, for the people who are still living, to insure that they have a better life in the future.’
‘What about my life? What about my future?’ You yell. ‘I gave up my entire life to help out. All I was wanted was to go to school, make something out of my life, fall in love, have an actual life but I left it all behind and for what? To watch my best friends die by some deranged fucked up demon just for some stupid marble? Well guess what Inuyasha, I can’t take it anymore.’ Your breathing is erratic, your throat sore from all the yelling you did.
‘Do you hear that Naraku, you fucking coward. I give up. You can take the stupid jewel for all I care because I don’t care anymore. So what’re you waiting for? You win. Take it.’ You pull at the completed jewel around your neck, throwing it into the muddy ground. ‘It’s yours. I give up.’ You yell once more arms stretched out, face turned towards the heavens as raindrops pelt down against your face.
‘Shut up,’ he yells, pulling you against him, ‘Stupid wench, are you trying to get yourself killed?’ he growls.
‘Let me go.’ You struggle against his arms, trying to push him away. ‘Let me go. It’s all your fault they’re dead. It’s all your fault. I hate you.’ You scream, fighting against his hold as he pulls you closer. ‘I hate you.’
He does nothing but tightens his hold on you, but you can tell that you’re words hurt him. You want to hurt him, to make him feel how you feel. You bang your fists on his chest. ‘I hate you,’ you hit him harder, his body flinching with each punch. ‘Let me go, just let me go…’ his hold never wavers as you grow tired. You fall to your knees in the mud as he clutches you tightly against his chest, your face pressed against the rough material of his haori as you cry, your shoulders heaving with each shuddering sob. ‘I hate you,’ you whisper quietly as your body trembles from the cold.
He wraps his arms tighter around you. ‘I know.’ He says softly as he rubs your back. ‘I know.’
‘Why couldn’t you just let me die?’
He presses his wet cheek against yours, and despite the rain you know that he’s crying as well -his hot tears are proof that he is. ‘Because I’m selfish.’
You close your eyes, tears leaking out from under your eyelids. Grabbing a fistful of his shirt, you press your face against his chest, the soft steady beating of his heart calming you down. ‘Don’t leave me, please…I can’t lose you,’ you say weakly, ‘I -I just can’t.’
‘I thought you said you hated me?’ he whispers, resting his chin against the top of your head.
‘Just say you won’t…please. I all ready lost them, I can’t lose you too, not to Naraku, not to Kikyo, not to anyone, just please…never leave me.’ You shiver from the rain, his arms shielding you from the cold.
‘Why?’
You look up, pulling on a lock of his hair to bring his head closer to yours, pressing your forehead against his. You look into his amber eyes, full of sadness and remorse and you know that he’s hurting too. That he loved them as well. Closing your eyes you wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him closer as you stay, kneeling in the mud, rain pelting against your soaking wet bodies.
‘Because…I’m selfish too.’