Realizations
I recently realized something about myself - I don't have to be super strong and be the tough guy. I can be sad or mopey, I can cling to people when I need them. I realized this because I often don't talk about when sad or upset or cry when I feel like crying because I believed it would inconvenience the wonderful people in my life who might be currently dealing with their own problems ... but I realized that problems in my life don't occur when its convenient to me or the people I confide in and to "protect" my family and friends from my worries only increased them in me and I don't like that feeling. So I talked to Ashley, and my mom, I talked to Jazz, my brother, Stephanie, Su and Sunflower - mostly because of the time of morning it was but because just like I love my friends and family enough to listen to their worries and thoughts to ease their minds they would do the same for me, they don't need protecting and its okay to get mopey or sad around them and after that I felt better. I've spent the last 8 months being tougher than I should have been and it came back and kicked my ass but I needed that wake up call. Mom and Jason no I'm unemployed but trying and they're helping me out with links and reassurance and love and its not as scary for me now. Jason even drove down here from Virginia(13 hours) to hang out with me the past 3 days - he helped with getting my resume printed, took care of me and most of all cheered me up. I think ti was good for both of us to see each other and lean on each other. I'm gonna try my damnedest from now on to not bottle myself up, to let my guard down and not be the tough guy all the time cuz I realized I don't have to be... thanks for all the love and support guys