tired tired tired
feeling really depressed and exhausted.
I had nightmares all last night.
During the day i was feeling quite festive and almost went out to get tinsel to jazz the place up a bit with, had the radio on and listening to christmas songs and feeling positive about christmas for once.
Even after the fit and all that shit from my brother he's still drinking.
For gods sake the kids could be in the car with him.
He promised me when i had my worst moment years ago that he wouldn't end up like dad. (as he was at the time, he's actually recovered now and i'm proud of him.)
he PROMISED.
Now he's the same.
A shitty, lying worthless arsehole.
But the difference is DAD wanted to get better, my brother couldn't give a flying shit.
Because he was pissed his cow of a missus has refused (actually qute rightly for once) that the kids wouldn't be going anywhere with him. Thing is, it's dad birthday today and the kids bring him so much pleasure. So now dad is depressed cos he hasn't seen the kids in 2 weeks.
Mum and dad have been arguing about my brother, mum keeps wanting me to be okay but i'm falling apart. I honestly can't cope with this again. the house is depressing and everyone is stressed, i've hardly left my room in 4 days.
I HATE alcohol and what it does to people.
I hate feeling so useless
i hate christmas and holidays and being alone and useless.
I had nightmares all last night.
During the day i was feeling quite festive and almost went out to get tinsel to jazz the place up a bit with, had the radio on and listening to christmas songs and feeling positive about christmas for once.
Even after the fit and all that shit from my brother he's still drinking.
For gods sake the kids could be in the car with him.
He promised me when i had my worst moment years ago that he wouldn't end up like dad. (as he was at the time, he's actually recovered now and i'm proud of him.)
he PROMISED.
Now he's the same.
A shitty, lying worthless arsehole.
But the difference is DAD wanted to get better, my brother couldn't give a flying shit.
Because he was pissed his cow of a missus has refused (actually qute rightly for once) that the kids wouldn't be going anywhere with him. Thing is, it's dad birthday today and the kids bring him so much pleasure. So now dad is depressed cos he hasn't seen the kids in 2 weeks.
Mum and dad have been arguing about my brother, mum keeps wanting me to be okay but i'm falling apart. I honestly can't cope with this again. the house is depressing and everyone is stressed, i've hardly left my room in 4 days.
I HATE alcohol and what it does to people.
I hate feeling so useless
i hate christmas and holidays and being alone and useless.