(no subject)
Life sucks, I dont understand why im so lonley. I dont talk to about 90 percent of the people i used to see all the time, and the few that i still do talk to i dont see much. I think maybe when i started going out with melissa i lost touch with alot of people. Now melissa is out alot and dosent seem to want to be around me as much for some reason, so im left sitting around doing nothing for hours, i slept at the fire house for a few hours last night,thats what i do to keep entertained somewhat, sit around the station and hope for calls. Yea thats my life, great huh? I cant blame melissa for wanting to hang out with her friends, but its every single night and its like she dosent know how to tell them she cant hang out because she has plans, so instead of telling them that she would rather ruin our plans. I think she puts them over me, but whatever. I just wish she would make more time for me, not just time when no one else is around for her to hang out with, but actaully spend a night doing things with me. I dont know why im putting all of this in my journal, probobly because i have no one to talk to so this is my only way of venting. I've grown up to quickly, all i do is work, firehouse stuff,work on the car, see melissa and thats it. I wish i was like 16 again, not having to worry about alot, hanging out with everyone,but i guess those days are gone, the worlds moved on and left me here, or maby i moved on. Either way it sucks. I sit here waiting for her to call, thats my life now, holding back tears because i relize how lonley i really am. I cant take this. I want just drive into a wall at 90. I hate life. Fuck this shit. Fuck you. Fuck off.