where soul meets body...
WOW... 2nd place... never felt so good... i was satisfied with my singing, and for once, it wasn't good enough... and you know what, that is okay... weird huh? Mr. Competitive (thats me) settling for second... I guess I'm growing up!
Also, I've come to realize more and more about myself... and how I operate... and how I can just forget about certain "needs"... companionship... is it really that necessary to have a "girlfriend"... I mean I know plenty of people who are single and happy... so why shouldn't I be?... like i said, I'm not looking anymore... its silly, and I know... by not looking and just waiting you are in essence looking without looking... thats horse shit... I've been so busy and concerned with all the things going on... that I really haven't looked for a "relationship"... and besides I have certain people that provide that same type of friendship (without the physicality of course)... and honestly, thats fine with me... I mean I've never really had a "hook up" buddy and I don't really see the point... if physicality happens, it happens... sometimes the moment is there, and you lean in and the kiss happens... sometimes the moment is there, and you lean in and the kiss doesn't happen... shouldn't change anything...
You can't go looking for chemistry... chemistry just happens... you just click... I believe I've talked about this before... but if you force chemistry, you put yourself in a bad situation... a fake situation... all my life I have been looking for this "connection"... and the times its happened... its been in situations where serendipity let it happen... How was I supposed to know that being in Jill's speech class that we would later date? How was I supposed to know that harmlessly asking Mary Claire to a movie would lead to me liking and loving her? and I mean this happens with guys too, but not in the relationship aspect, but the friendship aspect... me and Mark wouldn't be as close, if we didn't have the same common room in high school... me and Chris wouldn't have ever hung out if it wasn't for him loving poker...
Tuscaloosa... man... its been a fun time... I've made plenty of friends and a few real good ones... I love my little sister (even though at times she's more like my bestest friend)... I love my IAB (even if we don't talk as much anymore, I guess our lives are less dramatic)... I love my roomie (even though he is insane about Alabama anything)... I love my mentors (both of them, one for providing passion and one for providing stability and rational)... I love Taylor (cause he shows me that people can be somewhat normal and in music)...
of course with every good... there is the bad... and honestly there are a few people I wish I had never wasted my time with... cause they suck and are worthless... but those a few and far between...
so I guess the main point of all this, is to say, that things have come full circle... and I'm more like the guy that never knew what a long term relationship felt like... the guy who was naive about everything including sex... the guy who had only been kissed one real time (why do I lie? though it wasn't much more than a few times)... the guy who thought he was master of his own domain... the guy who thought nothing could hurt him...
divorce, break ups, heart break, career decisions, life... it'll mess you up... make you gain a few pounds... but once you're through it, you find the real man inside... and thats what I've found... the person who can take 2nd place, and see the truth behind it... and realize that not everything will be right where you want it... you have to be fleixible...
I don't need someone to survive... I just need my friends and my support... and I have a lot of that in my life... and I won't take any of it for granted anymore...
Also, I've come to realize more and more about myself... and how I operate... and how I can just forget about certain "needs"... companionship... is it really that necessary to have a "girlfriend"... I mean I know plenty of people who are single and happy... so why shouldn't I be?... like i said, I'm not looking anymore... its silly, and I know... by not looking and just waiting you are in essence looking without looking... thats horse shit... I've been so busy and concerned with all the things going on... that I really haven't looked for a "relationship"... and besides I have certain people that provide that same type of friendship (without the physicality of course)... and honestly, thats fine with me... I mean I've never really had a "hook up" buddy and I don't really see the point... if physicality happens, it happens... sometimes the moment is there, and you lean in and the kiss happens... sometimes the moment is there, and you lean in and the kiss doesn't happen... shouldn't change anything...
You can't go looking for chemistry... chemistry just happens... you just click... I believe I've talked about this before... but if you force chemistry, you put yourself in a bad situation... a fake situation... all my life I have been looking for this "connection"... and the times its happened... its been in situations where serendipity let it happen... How was I supposed to know that being in Jill's speech class that we would later date? How was I supposed to know that harmlessly asking Mary Claire to a movie would lead to me liking and loving her? and I mean this happens with guys too, but not in the relationship aspect, but the friendship aspect... me and Mark wouldn't be as close, if we didn't have the same common room in high school... me and Chris wouldn't have ever hung out if it wasn't for him loving poker...
Tuscaloosa... man... its been a fun time... I've made plenty of friends and a few real good ones... I love my little sister (even though at times she's more like my bestest friend)... I love my IAB (even if we don't talk as much anymore, I guess our lives are less dramatic)... I love my roomie (even though he is insane about Alabama anything)... I love my mentors (both of them, one for providing passion and one for providing stability and rational)... I love Taylor (cause he shows me that people can be somewhat normal and in music)...
of course with every good... there is the bad... and honestly there are a few people I wish I had never wasted my time with... cause they suck and are worthless... but those a few and far between...
so I guess the main point of all this, is to say, that things have come full circle... and I'm more like the guy that never knew what a long term relationship felt like... the guy who was naive about everything including sex... the guy who had only been kissed one real time (why do I lie? though it wasn't much more than a few times)... the guy who thought he was master of his own domain... the guy who thought nothing could hurt him...
divorce, break ups, heart break, career decisions, life... it'll mess you up... make you gain a few pounds... but once you're through it, you find the real man inside... and thats what I've found... the person who can take 2nd place, and see the truth behind it... and realize that not everything will be right where you want it... you have to be fleixible...
I don't need someone to survive... I just need my friends and my support... and I have a lot of that in my life... and I won't take any of it for granted anymore...