What Is Love? Chapter 5

[chhhachie]

Author: Chhhachie
Title: What Is Love?
Part: 5/5
Pairing: Mark/Sabrina
Rating: PG
Summary: The conclusion of the horribly dragged on story! What will our favorite couple finally get to say to each other when they meet face to face for the first time in two months?
Comments: I think I always knew in the back of my mind how this was going to end up...but

Comments

[fountnofthought]

Oh. My. God. This story may be many things, but it is not horribly dragged on. It is perfect. I really mean that.

I did that thing where I only scrolled down to the line I was reading, and then kept checking the scroll bar thing, hoping that I still had a lot left to read. I really didn't want it to end, and yet I did.

In this chapter, you built a wave, and as the undertow pulled and pulled, it seemed like it was going to pull us all under. And then the wave broke over us, and it was glorious. Followed by Derek on his surfboard! (Ok, so that analogy left something to be desired, but still.) The flow was great, the pacing, the energy, all of it. And then those moments of genius that happened and made me do a little dance!

The dueling points of view really worked for this, and the way you ended each section was excellent. I'd quote it all, but that would take forever, so just go reread the last sentence of each section and pat yourself on the back!

I loved the double use of "almost, but not quite." Doing that moment of reconnecting is so hard, but you set it up perfectly so you could slide right into it.

Also, the use of murmur/mutter for how he says her name was a moment of diction brilliance. She picks murmur, because it sounds sweet and low to her, while he picks mutter, because he's not feeling totally confident. (I have no idea if that was intentional or not, but it totally worked!)

She felt her heart stop, and then it was like she had never left. Those awkward conversations didn’t exist. Their extreme distance had never happened. She was here, and he was here. And she was kissing him again, because the words still weren’t coming...and from the way he was kissing her back, he was okay with no words.

It was perfection in the greatest sense.

My friend, you know description. You own description. Seriously. Because this rocked.

But not as much as this did: As always, he had come up with perfect choreography. Dance imagery that's awesome instead of contrived! I love it!

There really wasn’t much else to say...but either way, they could talk about all of this later tonight, or tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow... This got me going "awwww...they can talk whenever because they're back together again!"

And then I was glad I hadn't just taken a sip of my drink, because Derek came bursting on the scene to save us from ourselves. And that is why you are truly brilliant. And you. Because you're not a big fat cheeseball like me. You give us what we want, then smack us around a little so we don't forget that life is supposed to be fun. And you use your doses of Derek sparingly, so that they still pack a punch. To the gut. Because I was laughing so hard.

Bless you, for you have brought much joy into my evening. And you make me want to be funnier. That's always a good thing. ;-)

[chhhachie]

Ok, i just smiled for about ten minutes straight after reading your comment. My sister asked me three times why I was smiling like an idiot. :)

THANK. YOU. SO. MUCH. I always feel so great when you notice little things in my writing...even when you notice things that I didn't intend to be noticed! I really can't tell you how much your comments have helped me over the course of my time spent writing on this forum. I really would not have been this into it if I didn't have such great ideas and encouragement from you, and everyone else.

AND, the whole premise for this story came from you...so a HUGE thanks to you for that. I actually forgot to mention that in the final chapter, and i feel really bad...i would never have been able to come up with this idea without your coaxing!

And, i'm very glad you appreciate my humor at the end. I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF! I ALMOST took it out...but then i decided it would be going against everything i've ever written. :)

anyway...THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

[fountnofthought]

I'm so glad I've been a help to you as you've been writing. I see major strides in what you're accomplishing, so keep at it!

I'm still really glad I somehow suggested this idea to you - it worked out beautifully. That's the best way for these things to happen. After all, Countdown only happened because of something in Annie's fic, which led to our whole foray into ridiculous journal writing. And so many of those entries I write are with you in mind!

So thanks for loaning me the funny, and listening to me about the angsty and descriptive. It's making us better writers, which is what really matters. ;-)