kyou wa...
Today has got to be one of the best days of my life.
Yeah sure, I know you *all* heard about "what I did today in Reading class" and whatever, but those things are just a minor part of my euphoria. I'm just... so... happy. I feel more free than usual. Like the chains that have been binding me the past 8 to 9 months finally decided to let me go. I feel good. I feel awesome. I feel transparent.
I think I now know why kids are so happy all the time. They don't hide secrets. They don't have problems they keep to themselves.
Once you let it all out... the feeling is amazing. I let out everything. Feelings of gratitude, sadness, inner turmoil, failure, joy, infatuation, everything. And I feel better than I ever had before.
I still shed tears. They're not angry tears anymore. They're happier tears. Not HAPPY tears... just... happier. And they make me feel better. Crying makes me feel better now, unlike before when crying made me feel guilty because I just put everyone down when I cry. I shit talk and I scream and I throw things when I cry. Now I just cry silently to a pillow and I feel better.
I feel happier. I don't feel happy (yet)... just happier. Things are looking up. I'm glad.
Thanks for all the support guys. :) From the "I'm in love with you" jokes that Alissa keeps on saying, to the simple one-armed embrace I received from Erica, to the shoulder Karen always lends me, to the shoulder taps Michelle and Bianca give when they sense I feel bad... and to the silence of the prep girl that just watched me cry in the bus and didn't say a word.
The feeling is indescribable.
Yeah sure, I know you *all* heard about "what I did today in Reading class" and whatever, but those things are just a minor part of my euphoria. I'm just... so... happy. I feel more free than usual. Like the chains that have been binding me the past 8 to 9 months finally decided to let me go. I feel good. I feel awesome. I feel transparent.
I think I now know why kids are so happy all the time. They don't hide secrets. They don't have problems they keep to themselves.
Once you let it all out... the feeling is amazing. I let out everything. Feelings of gratitude, sadness, inner turmoil, failure, joy, infatuation, everything. And I feel better than I ever had before.
I still shed tears. They're not angry tears anymore. They're happier tears. Not HAPPY tears... just... happier. And they make me feel better. Crying makes me feel better now, unlike before when crying made me feel guilty because I just put everyone down when I cry. I shit talk and I scream and I throw things when I cry. Now I just cry silently to a pillow and I feel better.
I feel happier. I don't feel happy (yet)... just happier. Things are looking up. I'm glad.
Thanks for all the support guys. :) From the "I'm in love with you" jokes that Alissa keeps on saying, to the simple one-armed embrace I received from Erica, to the shoulder Karen always lends me, to the shoulder taps Michelle and Bianca give when they sense I feel bad... and to the silence of the prep girl that just watched me cry in the bus and didn't say a word.
The feeling is indescribable.