Lets set the Stage on Fire, And Hollywood will be Jealous...
I am so weird. I've been looking back over my life and everything, and trying to REALISE IMPORTANT DETAILS WHICH WILL HELP ME TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON. ¬¬; Don't look at me like that. I can be bloody lovely when I want to be, according to Sam anyway. So, anyway, I kept having serious issues way back when; I was always ill (though that hasn't really changed), I had a bad family life and unreliable school friends. I had a lot more intellegence then, but I don't know why I've stopped being so intellectual. I mean, I used to be top set for everything and be a real hardworker when everything was bad, but once my life started to even out, I lost my smarts and now I'm so heavily reliant on my social communication skills and creativity that if I tried to be an accountant, I'd fail with flying colours.
Hee. I remember spending long hours on the phone to Roo complaining about Dad and talking about Keth. It really helped to have someone there who understood everything and was there on your side when you needed that kind of support. I used to be terrified with meeting new people, and I conquered my anxiety issues quite well, but sometimes it flairs up and I get panicky. Still, it's been great going to 6th form because I've really realised what true friends are like.
Take Sam, my best friend. I've been off for pretty much three weeks now, and she came over yesturday with Cullen and they gave me cuddles and some company for a little bit. It made me feel about 10 times better than normal, and it just made me feel loved. Also, my chronic "OMG PEOPLE DOING THINGS I DON'T LIKE" spasms have chilled out now. I've actually stood with Will whilst he smokes his weed, and chatted quite idly to Lucy when she's smoking away. I guess it's because I know I'm not going to spontaniously go: OMG I CAVE IN AND THEREFORE WILL DO DRUGS. Saying that, I do have a little bit of enjoyment out of poppers, but who doesn't? ;p
It's my Dad's birthday today, and I'm looking forward to giving him his gift and card, because he's been a great Dad recently, and I no longer want to run away from my family. Life is a little too good, to be honest, and I'm half wondering when everything will go wrong again, but that's just because I'm pessimistic.
Boyfriends and girlfriends? Well, I'm no stranger to sexual encounters, but I'm just too twitchy to be in relationships, mainly because woosy men make me want to stab their hearts out and laugh whilst they cry on the floor >D *evil*. As for girlfriends, well, I'm just too PICKY. Seriously. So, I'm guessing I'm going to be the Phantom Vagina till such a stage as I find a guy/girl who caters to my needs.
ANYWAY
Looking back on everything, I do actually miss a few things. I miss waiting for 6:00 to roll round to have my daily gossip with Roo, I miss being so smart and I miss having to be so strong. Now I'm only really strong for my friends, and on top of that, I kind of miss having a big heart. My heart is very closed, and is only for my friends and family now. I find it so hard to care about anyone outside of that circle, when once I used to be all "OMG <3333" at everyone.
However, I am glad that I have now developed the most horrific jealous/angry rages. Mainly because after them I feel much better. You should see my DA journal for sheer unadulterated rage. Seriously though, some people really do piss me off.
So, my official thing to do next year is to regrow my old friends and keep my new ones good. Because hell, you can't have too many friends, and I really miss a lot of the people who for one reason or another, I've been stupid enough to leave behind. In the end you realise just how much these people helped you into being who you are, and without them I'd be shit. Or dead.
Oh. And George is still a fucking bitch. >/ She talks about my sex life far too often. Just because no one wants to stick it up her skinny little minge. Jealous little whore who needs to PUT ON SOME WEIGHT. SIZE 6 IS NOT ACCEPTABLE >|
Finally, a quote from a song:
"Look how pretty she is when she falls down. But now there's no beauty in bleeding mascara."
Yay. *mosh*
Chez <3
Hee. I remember spending long hours on the phone to Roo complaining about Dad and talking about Keth. It really helped to have someone there who understood everything and was there on your side when you needed that kind of support. I used to be terrified with meeting new people, and I conquered my anxiety issues quite well, but sometimes it flairs up and I get panicky. Still, it's been great going to 6th form because I've really realised what true friends are like.
Take Sam, my best friend. I've been off for pretty much three weeks now, and she came over yesturday with Cullen and they gave me cuddles and some company for a little bit. It made me feel about 10 times better than normal, and it just made me feel loved. Also, my chronic "OMG PEOPLE DOING THINGS I DON'T LIKE" spasms have chilled out now. I've actually stood with Will whilst he smokes his weed, and chatted quite idly to Lucy when she's smoking away. I guess it's because I know I'm not going to spontaniously go: OMG I CAVE IN AND THEREFORE WILL DO DRUGS. Saying that, I do have a little bit of enjoyment out of poppers, but who doesn't? ;p
It's my Dad's birthday today, and I'm looking forward to giving him his gift and card, because he's been a great Dad recently, and I no longer want to run away from my family. Life is a little too good, to be honest, and I'm half wondering when everything will go wrong again, but that's just because I'm pessimistic.
Boyfriends and girlfriends? Well, I'm no stranger to sexual encounters, but I'm just too twitchy to be in relationships, mainly because woosy men make me want to stab their hearts out and laugh whilst they cry on the floor >D *evil*. As for girlfriends, well, I'm just too PICKY. Seriously. So, I'm guessing I'm going to be the Phantom Vagina till such a stage as I find a guy/girl who caters to my needs.
ANYWAY
Looking back on everything, I do actually miss a few things. I miss waiting for 6:00 to roll round to have my daily gossip with Roo, I miss being so smart and I miss having to be so strong. Now I'm only really strong for my friends, and on top of that, I kind of miss having a big heart. My heart is very closed, and is only for my friends and family now. I find it so hard to care about anyone outside of that circle, when once I used to be all "OMG <3333" at everyone.
However, I am glad that I have now developed the most horrific jealous/angry rages. Mainly because after them I feel much better. You should see my DA journal for sheer unadulterated rage. Seriously though, some people really do piss me off.
So, my official thing to do next year is to regrow my old friends and keep my new ones good. Because hell, you can't have too many friends, and I really miss a lot of the people who for one reason or another, I've been stupid enough to leave behind. In the end you realise just how much these people helped you into being who you are, and without them I'd be shit. Or dead.
Oh. And George is still a fucking bitch. >/ She talks about my sex life far too often. Just because no one wants to stick it up her skinny little minge. Jealous little whore who needs to PUT ON SOME WEIGHT. SIZE 6 IS NOT ACCEPTABLE >|
Finally, a quote from a song:
"Look how pretty she is when she falls down. But now there's no beauty in bleeding mascara."
Yay. *mosh*
Chez <3