A Six Hour Meeting and Scarred for Life
As midnight approached, I learned what burnt pubes smelled like, and it wasn't pretty.
Last night, we had a six hour college meeting. Nobody told the new students that it'd be six hours. They just informed us that we had a compulsory meeting in academic dress (Harry Potter gowns!), and if we did not show up, they'd fine us and give us a warning. Three warnings and they boot you out of the college. Freshers, which includes me, were not allowed to sit in the chairs or sofas, even though there were plenty for everybody. We sat on the sticky, wood floor surrounding the more comfortable seating options. The purpose of the meeting was to elect the more senior students to a variety of positions- some serious and others silly. For instance, one position at the college is 'Captain Nude' who is a male fresher who has to strip naked on command. They were nominated by the older students and compelled to dance in front of the entire college- naked. Freshers weren't allowed to vote or nominate anyone; we just had to be there to be picked on. Electing these 'positions' took hours and involved more male nudity than I've seen cumulative in the rest of my life. At least a half dozen people throughout the night had to get naked and stand in a chimney for a half hour at a time!
There is one position in the college they take particularly seriously- the meniscus master, which I alluded to in the previous post. Eight guys tried out for this highly sought after position. The traditional method for running involves standing on a table and giving a rousing speech about punishment. All this while taking a cigarette lighter and burning ones pubes.
Nearly killing me by making me drink too much- that's fine. Offering Kool-Aid... I mean... 'meniscus' as the only beverage at a meal- I can even handle that. But by making me sit on the floor for six hours and watch mean-spirited naked men burn their own pubic hair, St. John's has crossed a line. At the end of the meeting, the freshers had to stand on a table in front of the second and third year students and introduce themselves. This is a harrowing experience, due to the fact that the group of now really drunk sophomores and seniors throw objects and yell horrible insults at you. The worst part (other than the lingering aroma of burnt pubic hair) is that I could see the other freshers, who are almost universally awesome, getting into it- slowly adopting the attitudes of the rest of the college. This year for the first time ever, freshers outnumber the rest of the college. We have the power to change the prevailing attitude of the college for years to come; we're a power to be reckoned with. But sadly, I fear the first years won't just adopt the harmless traditions of the past but also the prejudices and ways of thinking.
Last night, we had a six hour college meeting. Nobody told the new students that it'd be six hours. They just informed us that we had a compulsory meeting in academic dress (Harry Potter gowns!), and if we did not show up, they'd fine us and give us a warning. Three warnings and they boot you out of the college. Freshers, which includes me, were not allowed to sit in the chairs or sofas, even though there were plenty for everybody. We sat on the sticky, wood floor surrounding the more comfortable seating options. The purpose of the meeting was to elect the more senior students to a variety of positions- some serious and others silly. For instance, one position at the college is 'Captain Nude' who is a male fresher who has to strip naked on command. They were nominated by the older students and compelled to dance in front of the entire college- naked. Freshers weren't allowed to vote or nominate anyone; we just had to be there to be picked on. Electing these 'positions' took hours and involved more male nudity than I've seen cumulative in the rest of my life. At least a half dozen people throughout the night had to get naked and stand in a chimney for a half hour at a time!
There is one position in the college they take particularly seriously- the meniscus master, which I alluded to in the previous post. Eight guys tried out for this highly sought after position. The traditional method for running involves standing on a table and giving a rousing speech about punishment. All this while taking a cigarette lighter and burning ones pubes.
Nearly killing me by making me drink too much- that's fine. Offering Kool-Aid... I mean... 'meniscus' as the only beverage at a meal- I can even handle that. But by making me sit on the floor for six hours and watch mean-spirited naked men burn their own pubic hair, St. John's has crossed a line. At the end of the meeting, the freshers had to stand on a table in front of the second and third year students and introduce themselves. This is a harrowing experience, due to the fact that the group of now really drunk sophomores and seniors throw objects and yell horrible insults at you. The worst part (other than the lingering aroma of burnt pubic hair) is that I could see the other freshers, who are almost universally awesome, getting into it- slowly adopting the attitudes of the rest of the college. This year for the first time ever, freshers outnumber the rest of the college. We have the power to change the prevailing attitude of the college for years to come; we're a power to be reckoned with. But sadly, I fear the first years won't just adopt the harmless traditions of the past but also the prejudices and ways of thinking.