Euro Adventure
Intro
A 9 day European cruise with ports in Italy, Monaco, Spain, Portugal, France, and England. Sounds great right? We were both super psyched. We packed our best clothes for the formal nights as well as our most comfortable clothes for the on-land excursions. We brought both the video camera and the nice photo camera because we didn't want to miss a moment. We pre-bought Euros and packed everything we could think of into our four pieces of luggage. This was going to be our big adventure, the one trip we'd never forget.
Well, we certainly will never forget it, that's for sure.
Off to a @*#$% start
Everything started out according to plan. We got the airport 3.5 hours early, just to be sure we wouldn't get caught up in the vacation rush or a mess of traveling business men. Of course it only took half an hour to get through all of security, but you can never be sure. We boarded our flight and eagerly waited for the revving of the engines that signaled the start of the taxi down the runway.
10 minutes. 20 minutes. What the heck... The pilot comes on to announce that there's a malfunction, but that the maintenance crew should have it cleared up in a few minutes as it was probably just a sensor gone bad. Sure, no big deal, this happens all the time. Our connecting flight from NY to Milan, Italy had about 1.75 hours of buffer, so we should be just fine.
30 minutes. The pilot comes back on to tell us that it's not a sensor, but rather a support cable in the cargo area, but that we should all sit tight. Crap.
40 minutes. The pilot apologizes and tells us all that we'll have to exit the plane and they'd have another one ready for us soon. Shit. Well, we could still make it. Now we're both a little nervous but we could still make it.
We debark as soon as quickly as possible. Giana gets on the phone with American Airlines to see what we can do to catch another flight. In the mean time, I'm in line trying to talk to the Gate Attendant to see exactly what will happen. I get to talk to the guy before Giana makes it off hold. They've setup another plane leaving in about 20 minutes that should make it in time. If not, he assures me that there are plenty of other flights that would get us into Milan. Our cruise had a final boarding call of 4:30, and the next flight to Milan would get us there around 2:00. Neither of us knew how long it was from Milan (the airport city) to Genoa (the port city), but we figured it couldn't be more than 2 hours. Besides, this flight should get us there with just enough time to make it to the connecting flight.
We board the next plane. It'll be close, but if we run we should make it. The flight attendant said that the flight usually lasts about an hour 20 minutes, which was 20 minutes shorter than the declared time on the screens. We were strapped in and tense, like sprinters before the race. Even though we weren't actually going to be exerting ourselves, the adrenaline was surging.
The pilot comes on the speaker to announce that they've spilt fuel on the wing of the plane, but that they'd have it cleaned up momentarily. This wasn't looking good. If we made it in the time the flight attendant suggested we'd be landing exactly at the scheduled plane's departure time. I tried to stay positive and held on to a shred of hope that we could make it, and that our plane wouldn't explode mid flight.
Well, we didn't. We didn't make it in time, nor did we explode. At least not physically. We saw our vacation savings and our good times melting away from us as we landed and very slowly (at least that's how it felt) pulled into the gate. What do we do now? An announcement over the PA basically confirmed that our flight had left without us, but also told us that someone just outside the gate would let us know what we should do. I thought this might mean some kind of special flight and at worst it would mean the flight arriving at 2. I asked the flight attendant about our bags. She said that because we had missed the connecting flight they'd stay in the terminal until we picked them up and brought them to whatever flight we got on next. Sounded good to me. Alright, a deep breath and we started on to the next plan. We'd miss the first excursion in Milan, Italy since we'd be arriving there 6 hours later than anticipated, but we could deal with that as long as we made the boat.
Turned out to be not that simple. The "helpful" lady outside the gate just sent us to the ticketing counter which was crowded with both regular customers and a large number who had also missed their flights. We had about 3 hours to make the alternate flight though, so I wasn't that concerned. Giana got on the phone with Carnival's "OMG I missed my flight!" line to find out how we could get to the boat, since the designated Carnival van would have left the location hours prior to our arrival. We then learned of The Big Hitch - It takes just about 3 hours to get from Milan to Genoa.
Fuck, that's not going to work at all. We'd pull up to the boat just to watch it sail off into the sunset without us. We started panicking again. Over about an hours time, a little crying, and much stress, this is what happened between us, the Carnival assistant, and the Ticketing counter: What is the absolute fastest we could make it from the plane to the port? Min of 2 hours, but you never know with traffic. Is there any way at all that we could get into Milan earlier? No, not even on any other airline. OK, maybe we should give up and just go home... No, we can just catch the boat at the next port. Yeah, that'll work. How can we get to Monaco? Apparently there's no planes to Monaco. We'd have to fligh to Italy and get a helicopter to the port. This is getting ridiculous. I really just want to call it a night. Ok, last hope - What about getting on the boat in Spain? There's a plane going there tonight and tomorrow, each arriving at 9AM. The airport is only 45 minutes or so from the port. Carnival promises to call us back with a hotel there we can stay at and instructions on how to get to the port. American still can't quite wrap their heads around why we'd want to go to Spain instead of Italy, but they're satisfied in re-routing us to Barcelona. They give us vouchers to a nearby hotel for the night, and coupons for the restaurant there. We're going to miss two days of our cruise, but that still leaves 7 days. Neither of us are sure whether we bought travel insurance, so we decide to run with what is now probably plan E or F.
Finally... My heart rate slowly starts to drop from 160bpm and I'm starting to feel like it's gonna work out OK. Lets get our bags, some food, and get some sleep.
The shit hits the fan again
So, we were definitely in the line for at least an hour. Our bags should have shown up on the conveyor belt by now, but we didn't see them. Everyone we talk to sends us to someone else. After impatiently waiting for another hour or so it's strangely two random guys in the airport that tell us where our luggage would be. They're not even bums, though they kinda appear to be, and don't even ask for money. Finding that in NY, I'm very pleasantly surprised. Giana's charms apparently work better than mine, and one of the baggage services employees shows us to a back area where all unclaimed luggage goes. Unfortunately, it's still not there. We go back to the baggage service desk, whose four employees are less helpful than a 16 year old stoner working the night shift at Burger King. After several minutes of arguing that our bags REALLY aren't showing up, and that we've waited MORE than 2.5 hours, and that we ALREADY checked the unclaimed bag areas, one of the employees finally decided to help us instead of trying to send us back upstairs. A great many thanks to this young lady, because she sparked a change that seemed to stick in the rest of the employees as well. They called O'hare to see if the bags were still there, and if not which flight they might be on. They were not at O'hare. The next flight was arriving in about half an hour, so we should talk to the baggage desk once more in about an hour and a half to get our bags.
At this point there was nothing else we could do. We took our hour and a half, found our hotel, and had some dinner. While I found it entertaining that many people had the NY accent (and a great number of others seemed to have something like a Jamaican accent, which was in itself surprising), I did not find the NY attitude entertaining. We were ignored, even when flashing cash, and were typically greeted with dirty looks when we said, "Excuse me". Anyone who knows me knows that I'm fairly meek, so it wasn't my intonation putting them off. They we're just pissy. F-that. After 10 minutes of waiting for our waiter we just helped ourselves to the buffet. The vouchers weren't nearly enough for any item on the menu, so the buffet really was the best choice.
We left our carry-on bags in our room and headed back to the airport. Big suprise, our luggage still wasn't on the belt. One of the baggage services desk employees was arguing with a woman about how the airline has the right to break any locked luggage. Eventually she just left because her husband insisted on getting to the already waiting taxi. The employee then, to our surprise, politely showed us to the back area we had seen before. On the way he explained to us how annoying it was when people complained about broken luggage. We were hopeful and every bag looked like ours, but none of them were. Feeling sorry for us, he then gave us a tip about the baggage claim "800" number. We could report our lost baggage to them, and he also informed us that they may reimburse us for clothes we had to buy during our trip. We reported our luggage, and described the contents. Giana struggled to describe the M.I.A. shoe bag, where each pair she described was preceded with a very depressed sounding "really cute". Enumerating all the belongings you'll never see again to an unfeeling stranger on the phone in a noisy and distant airport is utterly depressing. I don't recommend trying it.
After the phone call we thanked the employees, even though I'm pretty sure they never heard the "Please and Thank You" song as children. We quietly and sadly, but still forcing smiles, made our way back to the hotel. We decided that it was probably not worth trying to get our bags to follow us on the cruise because of how poorly they understood our travel situation. I called back baggage services and let them know that all bags should be forwarded to our permanent home address. Of course, this took four phone calls before anyone would actually hear us out, but someone eventually said that they had updated the system with the relevant information. Our heads finally hit the pillows around 1AM.
Interlude
Since our bags were missing but we were still going to try the cruise, the next day had to be shopping. There was a mall in the area, and a Target right next to it, so that worked out well. Those who know me also know that my wardrobe is rather... basic. I was able to replace just about every clothing item I had packed (except for the two suits) at Target. We each got a roller style duffel bag that was tough and large enough to hold what we wanted and a few souvenirs. While we were shopping, Carnival's contact called us and told us what hotel we could stay at, and what to tell the cab driver for when we headed for the boat. He also assured us that Carnival would reimburse us for all expenses. Carnival really went above and beyond to help us, so thank you thank you thank you! to them. They were extremely gracious, patient, and understanding. He even tipped me with the Spanish phrase "Me puede dar un recibo?" to ask for a receipt.
We started the check out and another encountered another setback. Credit Card declined. Ok, no big deal. I told the credit company we'd be in Europe, not in NY. After the call, the credit cleared and we headed to the mall. From there, every store had a credit declined problem. I have no idea how many hours I spent on the phone answering "security" questions and trying to explain the new situation, but it was the same thing every time. I can't imagine how that would have went if we had gone straight to Spain, since international calls are something like $1.50 per minute and my cellphone is US only. Whatever, once we got to Europe the problem should disappear, right, since that's where I told them I was going initially? (Nope, figures.)
Giana picked up whatever she could at the mall. Poor girl... I've never seen her have such a hard time shopping. That's how stressed we were; even shopping was difficult. Before we left we tried a NY hot dog. They really only serve Dijon mustard there; incredible. I also think that 7-11 hot dogs in Chicago are better than those. How NYers are so obsessed with those nasty burnt non-meat hot dogs I'll never know. A crazy cab driver got us to the airport and we started the next leg of our journey.
Please let this go alright...
We went through security A-OK. We went to the self check-in and it told us something about a mismatch and that we had to go to the special desk. We both were thinking "Oh man, is this going to start all over again?" Luckily, it only took about 45 minutes to get through the line to the desk who then determined that the problem was that the system still indicated we were traveling to Italy, even though the ticket said Spain. Big suprise... I wonder where our bags could be?. That issue was corrected and we left our bags to be checked, wondering whether we'd see them at the next airport, and got on the plane. No mechanical failures, no fuel spillages, finally back on track. Our chairs were the only two on the plane that seemed to be malfunctioning. Our lights, headphones for the movie, and attendant call buttons were completely unusable, but that seemed par for the course. We just practiced some Spanish and tried to sleep.
En España
We made it! Nothing exploded and we didn't crash in the Ocean! We went to get our bags and they were there! Everything was going great. We actually had quite a good time in Spain for the day that we were there. Everyone was extremely helpful, even when we didn't know the words and they didn't speak English. This leads me to believe that all the rumors about people disliking Americans who can't speak their language are unfounded. They were probably started by some pompous idiot American who was shouting English at someone and expecting them to understand now that they were extremely loud. We actually saw this happening at the airport while we were waiting for our shuttle.
Here's some of the highlights while we were in Spain.
We got to the boat the next day without much issue. Just a few more things happened on the trip that made it difficult to relax.
All in all, I can't call it a complete failure. We had a lot of fun on the boat. The piano bar, singers, and dancers were all fun. Our waiter made sure we had more than we could eat and dessert every night and that we danced and sang with him at least once. He sang to us for our "honeymoon" and wished us all the best including many babies. Our dinner mates from Boston were the only other people at our table set for eight. They were very social and kind, had plenty of stories to share, and even offered to lend us some dress clothes for the formal evenings. Our timid room steward folded our towels into cute animals every evening while we were at dinner. I won a trophy and unlimited free ice cream in the 2nd round of the Sex and Romance quiz game (even though there was free 24 hour ice cream, it was still exciting). We played mini-golf once and got confused at the casino once. We saw dolphins off in the distance at breakfast one day. We went to an art auction where most pieces were going for around $5,000 and one went for $103,000, and we bought a piece for only $260. The overweight cruise director John was hilarious.
We were introduced to many parts of Europe, all of which were beautiful. We got a bus tour through some of more historical Barcelona the day we met up with our ship. We saw old towns, alleyways, and chapels in Cascais, Sintra, and Lisbon, Portugal and tasted their treats. Oh, funny story about the treats. The country is famous for its desserts, and we had tried these mini cheesecake things that were delicious. In Spain it's apparently the custom to wake up and have a Churro with some coffee, a lot like we do with donuts and coffee in the US. I never got the opportunity in Spain so I wanted to try and at least get a Churro in Portugal. I found a little shop that was selling these little things that looked like Cinnamon covered donuts. There was something on the menu that looked like "Churro" and I figured, OK, this has gotta be it. I bought one and offered the first bit to Giana. She froze for a moment, then looked at me and said, "Here you try it. You've gotta try it." I took a bite and it wasn't a Churro at all. It was a very thin fried pastry dough, not Cinnamon, and the center was packed solid with what must've been tuna. After a few more bites, it tasted pretty good, but when you're expecting a donutty sweet treat, it's a disgusting surprise. We toured the beaches of Normandy in France. Our guide, and my favorite guide, Jacques (how awesome was that to have a Jacques guide in France) always pointed out the "happy cows" in the fields. We had a French lunch with a bottle of red wine. Most of the Americans complained about the food but I thought it was great. The dessert was apple pie a la mode, but it was more doughy than apples and the "a la mode" was real cream, not ice cream. One stupid American kid said, "Great, apple pie, cause that's what French are known for," implying that the French had no right in serving apple pie as it was an American dish, and wouldn't touch it. I silently thought to myself, "The phrase a la mode is French you idiot", and nommed up the pie. We also found out that the French in the area love Americans so much, because of D-Day, that they won't even give them speeding tickets. The tour guide actually pretended he was American once and got away with it. The local farmers will even take you into their home and offer you a drink if they find out you're American. So the rumor that the French are snobs and hate Americans is just another lie probably started by the Republicans. Freedom Fries... how stupid. Ok, I'll save the political talk for another entry. Finally we visited Windsor castle of England. This was probably the driest (metaphorically, not literally, as it did rain a bit in London) part of our tour, since England is much like America. Even so, the castle was quite impressive. I found it very entertaining that the Royal Guard carried machine guns.
Conclusion
We may have missed Italy, but that just means we'll have to go back another time :) The trip was definitely not a vacation, but it was certainly an adventure. !Xtreme Cheese warning! Most importantly, Giana and I got through it together. We cheered eachother up and made the best of what we had. All the crap that happened and stress we were under might have torn others apart, but it pulled us closer together.
Ok, this is pretty long already, but to wrap it up here's a list of things that didn't happen to us, so I'm glad we didn't say, "It can't get any worse."
Till next time, which will probably be if I ever finish "The Case for Christ". It's just another terrible attempt to confuse opinion with reason. People are so easily confused. People are entitled to their beliefs, but they're not entitled to lie and confuse to propagate their beliefs. I won't stand for it and I'll bore everyone who comes to this journal with proper logic and reasoning until they get it.
A 9 day European cruise with ports in Italy, Monaco, Spain, Portugal, France, and England. Sounds great right? We were both super psyched. We packed our best clothes for the formal nights as well as our most comfortable clothes for the on-land excursions. We brought both the video camera and the nice photo camera because we didn't want to miss a moment. We pre-bought Euros and packed everything we could think of into our four pieces of luggage. This was going to be our big adventure, the one trip we'd never forget.
Well, we certainly will never forget it, that's for sure.
Off to a @*#$% start
Everything started out according to plan. We got the airport 3.5 hours early, just to be sure we wouldn't get caught up in the vacation rush or a mess of traveling business men. Of course it only took half an hour to get through all of security, but you can never be sure. We boarded our flight and eagerly waited for the revving of the engines that signaled the start of the taxi down the runway.
10 minutes. 20 minutes. What the heck... The pilot comes on to announce that there's a malfunction, but that the maintenance crew should have it cleared up in a few minutes as it was probably just a sensor gone bad. Sure, no big deal, this happens all the time. Our connecting flight from NY to Milan, Italy had about 1.75 hours of buffer, so we should be just fine.
30 minutes. The pilot comes back on to tell us that it's not a sensor, but rather a support cable in the cargo area, but that we should all sit tight. Crap.
40 minutes. The pilot apologizes and tells us all that we'll have to exit the plane and they'd have another one ready for us soon. Shit. Well, we could still make it. Now we're both a little nervous but we could still make it.
We debark as soon as quickly as possible. Giana gets on the phone with American Airlines to see what we can do to catch another flight. In the mean time, I'm in line trying to talk to the Gate Attendant to see exactly what will happen. I get to talk to the guy before Giana makes it off hold. They've setup another plane leaving in about 20 minutes that should make it in time. If not, he assures me that there are plenty of other flights that would get us into Milan. Our cruise had a final boarding call of 4:30, and the next flight to Milan would get us there around 2:00. Neither of us knew how long it was from Milan (the airport city) to Genoa (the port city), but we figured it couldn't be more than 2 hours. Besides, this flight should get us there with just enough time to make it to the connecting flight.
We board the next plane. It'll be close, but if we run we should make it. The flight attendant said that the flight usually lasts about an hour 20 minutes, which was 20 minutes shorter than the declared time on the screens. We were strapped in and tense, like sprinters before the race. Even though we weren't actually going to be exerting ourselves, the adrenaline was surging.
The pilot comes on the speaker to announce that they've spilt fuel on the wing of the plane, but that they'd have it cleaned up momentarily. This wasn't looking good. If we made it in the time the flight attendant suggested we'd be landing exactly at the scheduled plane's departure time. I tried to stay positive and held on to a shred of hope that we could make it, and that our plane wouldn't explode mid flight.
Well, we didn't. We didn't make it in time, nor did we explode. At least not physically. We saw our vacation savings and our good times melting away from us as we landed and very slowly (at least that's how it felt) pulled into the gate. What do we do now? An announcement over the PA basically confirmed that our flight had left without us, but also told us that someone just outside the gate would let us know what we should do. I thought this might mean some kind of special flight and at worst it would mean the flight arriving at 2. I asked the flight attendant about our bags. She said that because we had missed the connecting flight they'd stay in the terminal until we picked them up and brought them to whatever flight we got on next. Sounded good to me. Alright, a deep breath and we started on to the next plan. We'd miss the first excursion in Milan, Italy since we'd be arriving there 6 hours later than anticipated, but we could deal with that as long as we made the boat.
Turned out to be not that simple. The "helpful" lady outside the gate just sent us to the ticketing counter which was crowded with both regular customers and a large number who had also missed their flights. We had about 3 hours to make the alternate flight though, so I wasn't that concerned. Giana got on the phone with Carnival's "OMG I missed my flight!" line to find out how we could get to the boat, since the designated Carnival van would have left the location hours prior to our arrival. We then learned of The Big Hitch - It takes just about 3 hours to get from Milan to Genoa.
Fuck, that's not going to work at all. We'd pull up to the boat just to watch it sail off into the sunset without us. We started panicking again. Over about an hours time, a little crying, and much stress, this is what happened between us, the Carnival assistant, and the Ticketing counter: What is the absolute fastest we could make it from the plane to the port? Min of 2 hours, but you never know with traffic. Is there any way at all that we could get into Milan earlier? No, not even on any other airline. OK, maybe we should give up and just go home... No, we can just catch the boat at the next port. Yeah, that'll work. How can we get to Monaco? Apparently there's no planes to Monaco. We'd have to fligh to Italy and get a helicopter to the port. This is getting ridiculous. I really just want to call it a night. Ok, last hope - What about getting on the boat in Spain? There's a plane going there tonight and tomorrow, each arriving at 9AM. The airport is only 45 minutes or so from the port. Carnival promises to call us back with a hotel there we can stay at and instructions on how to get to the port. American still can't quite wrap their heads around why we'd want to go to Spain instead of Italy, but they're satisfied in re-routing us to Barcelona. They give us vouchers to a nearby hotel for the night, and coupons for the restaurant there. We're going to miss two days of our cruise, but that still leaves 7 days. Neither of us are sure whether we bought travel insurance, so we decide to run with what is now probably plan E or F.
Finally... My heart rate slowly starts to drop from 160bpm and I'm starting to feel like it's gonna work out OK. Lets get our bags, some food, and get some sleep.
The shit hits the fan again
So, we were definitely in the line for at least an hour. Our bags should have shown up on the conveyor belt by now, but we didn't see them. Everyone we talk to sends us to someone else. After impatiently waiting for another hour or so it's strangely two random guys in the airport that tell us where our luggage would be. They're not even bums, though they kinda appear to be, and don't even ask for money. Finding that in NY, I'm very pleasantly surprised. Giana's charms apparently work better than mine, and one of the baggage services employees shows us to a back area where all unclaimed luggage goes. Unfortunately, it's still not there. We go back to the baggage service desk, whose four employees are less helpful than a 16 year old stoner working the night shift at Burger King. After several minutes of arguing that our bags REALLY aren't showing up, and that we've waited MORE than 2.5 hours, and that we ALREADY checked the unclaimed bag areas, one of the employees finally decided to help us instead of trying to send us back upstairs. A great many thanks to this young lady, because she sparked a change that seemed to stick in the rest of the employees as well. They called O'hare to see if the bags were still there, and if not which flight they might be on. They were not at O'hare. The next flight was arriving in about half an hour, so we should talk to the baggage desk once more in about an hour and a half to get our bags.
At this point there was nothing else we could do. We took our hour and a half, found our hotel, and had some dinner. While I found it entertaining that many people had the NY accent (and a great number of others seemed to have something like a Jamaican accent, which was in itself surprising), I did not find the NY attitude entertaining. We were ignored, even when flashing cash, and were typically greeted with dirty looks when we said, "Excuse me". Anyone who knows me knows that I'm fairly meek, so it wasn't my intonation putting them off. They we're just pissy. F-that. After 10 minutes of waiting for our waiter we just helped ourselves to the buffet. The vouchers weren't nearly enough for any item on the menu, so the buffet really was the best choice.
We left our carry-on bags in our room and headed back to the airport. Big suprise, our luggage still wasn't on the belt. One of the baggage services desk employees was arguing with a woman about how the airline has the right to break any locked luggage. Eventually she just left because her husband insisted on getting to the already waiting taxi. The employee then, to our surprise, politely showed us to the back area we had seen before. On the way he explained to us how annoying it was when people complained about broken luggage. We were hopeful and every bag looked like ours, but none of them were. Feeling sorry for us, he then gave us a tip about the baggage claim "800" number. We could report our lost baggage to them, and he also informed us that they may reimburse us for clothes we had to buy during our trip. We reported our luggage, and described the contents. Giana struggled to describe the M.I.A. shoe bag, where each pair she described was preceded with a very depressed sounding "really cute". Enumerating all the belongings you'll never see again to an unfeeling stranger on the phone in a noisy and distant airport is utterly depressing. I don't recommend trying it.
After the phone call we thanked the employees, even though I'm pretty sure they never heard the "Please and Thank You" song as children. We quietly and sadly, but still forcing smiles, made our way back to the hotel. We decided that it was probably not worth trying to get our bags to follow us on the cruise because of how poorly they understood our travel situation. I called back baggage services and let them know that all bags should be forwarded to our permanent home address. Of course, this took four phone calls before anyone would actually hear us out, but someone eventually said that they had updated the system with the relevant information. Our heads finally hit the pillows around 1AM.
Interlude
Since our bags were missing but we were still going to try the cruise, the next day had to be shopping. There was a mall in the area, and a Target right next to it, so that worked out well. Those who know me also know that my wardrobe is rather... basic. I was able to replace just about every clothing item I had packed (except for the two suits) at Target. We each got a roller style duffel bag that was tough and large enough to hold what we wanted and a few souvenirs. While we were shopping, Carnival's contact called us and told us what hotel we could stay at, and what to tell the cab driver for when we headed for the boat. He also assured us that Carnival would reimburse us for all expenses. Carnival really went above and beyond to help us, so thank you thank you thank you! to them. They were extremely gracious, patient, and understanding. He even tipped me with the Spanish phrase "Me puede dar un recibo?" to ask for a receipt.
We started the check out and another encountered another setback. Credit Card declined. Ok, no big deal. I told the credit company we'd be in Europe, not in NY. After the call, the credit cleared and we headed to the mall. From there, every store had a credit declined problem. I have no idea how many hours I spent on the phone answering "security" questions and trying to explain the new situation, but it was the same thing every time. I can't imagine how that would have went if we had gone straight to Spain, since international calls are something like $1.50 per minute and my cellphone is US only. Whatever, once we got to Europe the problem should disappear, right, since that's where I told them I was going initially? (Nope, figures.)
Giana picked up whatever she could at the mall. Poor girl... I've never seen her have such a hard time shopping. That's how stressed we were; even shopping was difficult. Before we left we tried a NY hot dog. They really only serve Dijon mustard there; incredible. I also think that 7-11 hot dogs in Chicago are better than those. How NYers are so obsessed with those nasty burnt non-meat hot dogs I'll never know. A crazy cab driver got us to the airport and we started the next leg of our journey.
Please let this go alright...
We went through security A-OK. We went to the self check-in and it told us something about a mismatch and that we had to go to the special desk. We both were thinking "Oh man, is this going to start all over again?" Luckily, it only took about 45 minutes to get through the line to the desk who then determined that the problem was that the system still indicated we were traveling to Italy, even though the ticket said Spain. Big suprise... I wonder where our bags could be?. That issue was corrected and we left our bags to be checked, wondering whether we'd see them at the next airport, and got on the plane. No mechanical failures, no fuel spillages, finally back on track. Our chairs were the only two on the plane that seemed to be malfunctioning. Our lights, headphones for the movie, and attendant call buttons were completely unusable, but that seemed par for the course. We just practiced some Spanish and tried to sleep.
En España
We made it! Nothing exploded and we didn't crash in the Ocean! We went to get our bags and they were there! Everything was going great. We actually had quite a good time in Spain for the day that we were there. Everyone was extremely helpful, even when we didn't know the words and they didn't speak English. This leads me to believe that all the rumors about people disliking Americans who can't speak their language are unfounded. They were probably started by some pompous idiot American who was shouting English at someone and expecting them to understand now that they were extremely loud. We actually saw this happening at the airport while we were waiting for our shuttle.
Here's some of the highlights while we were in Spain.
- We learned that they really do have a casual culture.
- Customs was just opening when we arrived (around 8:30). They took about one person every minute or two, but all they really did was say, "Hola", look at and stamp the passport on a random page. They all looked sleepy and possibly hungover. I saw one guy just showing up as I cleared the line, and my guy gave that guy a smile and a good morning like, "heh heh, you must've had a good time last night".
- We called for the shuttle around 9AM. The receptionist assured us that they'd be leaving in just a couple of minutes. At around 10:15AM we called back to make sure there wasn't a problem. He again assured us that they'd be leaving in a couple of minutes. The driver arrived around 10:30. We were only about 10 minutes away from the hotel.
- Nothing really opened until around 1. We couldn't check in and there was no place to eat. Also, as we understood, most non-restaurant places closed again around 3 until about 9 when all the partying started. We wandered around town until checkin, saw the Supermercado, and ate the snacks I had in my bag.
- Just about all the cars there are the same... There's about 3 styles and all of them are black. None were trucks or SUVs. Well done Spain, well done.
- Europeans are not as informed as we think they are. They're basically just like us.
- Most of the citizens there thought I was Spanish. Some boys playing a random game of bounce the volleyball over the dumpsters from a 2nd floor balcony called for me to throw the ball back up to them. A guy on a motorcycle asked us for directions. The receptionist in training understood my Spanish and we had a mini-dialog as she explained that check-in started after 1, but that they would hold our bags until then.
- Almost all the other European guests at the hotel spoke about as much Spanish as I did, but the receptionists spoke all their languages. I heard English (England), Spanish, French, and German. So it must be fairly common to not know the language of the country you're in. Also to this point, the restaurant menu downtown was in six different languages.
- We met a couple of English kids on the train to downtown (they didn't speak much Spanish either). We told them we were from Chicago. His girlfriend said that he had planned to visit there on a vacation. He said, "Yeah, Chicago. That's on the East Coast right?". We clarified that it was in the Midwest, but that didn't seem to actually clarify anything.
- We used the rail system to go downtown. The orange-vest guy there actually helped us to buy the ticket from the machine, and even though we didn't understand 100%, he explained how the train worked and that the ticket he got for us would get us there and back. The orange-vest people in Chicago mostly stand in the corner and laugh as I recall. Really it's just the Americans that are the assholes.
- Downtown we tried Paella and Tapas. Giana got the Paella, which is a lot like Riceroni. Tapas are like lunch snackies, and I got the Tapas sampler. Some were "normal" (like Tapas de Patas, which is Potato Tapas), some were a little more unusual. I tried some oysters I think and squeezed the butt meat out of some kind of whole crawfish. La Cuenta, por favor!
- The variety of people is exactly the same (punkers, professionals, joe schmoes), but they were all speaking Spanish. It was quite an experience to be the foreigners. I am glad and a little proud that we took the challenge of a new country on our own and did just fine. We were only there for a day. I can't imagine what it would be like to drop everything and move to a new country. I'm impressed, illegal Mexican immigrants, you've got some cojones.
- The variety of footwear was quite impressive. We also enjoyed all the public displays of affection.
We got to the boat the next day without much issue. Just a few more things happened on the trip that made it difficult to relax.
- My credit was declined once again on the boat. The desk manager let me use the phone for free ($6.50 a minute otherwise) to call the credit company. I firmly explained that I'd only be using my card on the boat from that point forward, and that I hoped there would be no further problems. He tried to tell me that all this was for my own protection. Whatever dude. Can you imagine how well we would would have been doing without a source of money, without a phone, and with a Spanish merchant trying to get us to pay up? I just let him talk and apologized to the boat's desk. No more credit trouble after that.
- About two days into the cruise one of my bags showed up on the boat, but none of the others were there. This was mostly annoying because 1) The false bit of hope just reminded us that there were three more lost bags out there, and 2) They didn't listen when we said to send the bags home. We feared they'd probably never even make it there. The happy ending is that all four bags eventually made it home, but not without a good deal of rudeness from about 75% of the baggage claim people.
- We tried the Karaoke room on the boat one night. It was pretty much dead, just a few people scattered here and there. There were two young girls (maybe 8-12 years) taking turns, and the staff singing otherwise. Giana and I had some drinks and sang a few of our own tunes. Earlier I had done a hairy chest contest (I placed 3rd of 6... The winner was a total bear from Cananda), so I told Giana she could sing Divinyl's "I Touch Myself" and we'd be even on embarrassing points. It's also a bit of an inside joke, because I sang that song at a Chicago Karaoke bar some time ago. After she sang, some bitch told her, "I think it's about time for you to go back to your room, Honey". I told the woman off. The hostess thought I was coming back up again when I started walking toward the woman and called me a "Champ", but once I finished telling the woman how insulting she was we walked out. I don't remember exactly what I told her, but I know I that I didn't curse (so she knew I was civil and genuinely disturbed and not just drunk), that she apologized, and that I told her that what she did was completely uncalled for. If your morals are such that you try to chase someone out for singing a song in the Karoke list, you don't belong in the Karaoke bar or on the boat. And you have absolutely no right to insult people who are just trying to have a good time. Take it up with the boat staff if you have a problem. There's no way I'll sit down while someone insults my fiance.
- On the return flight, Giana was watching her On Demand video on the back of the chair. Someone complained about the system not working for them and they restarted the whole system. Then the video programming was broken for everyone for the rest of the flight. An annoyance, but once again par for the course.
All in all, I can't call it a complete failure. We had a lot of fun on the boat. The piano bar, singers, and dancers were all fun. Our waiter made sure we had more than we could eat and dessert every night and that we danced and sang with him at least once. He sang to us for our "honeymoon" and wished us all the best including many babies. Our dinner mates from Boston were the only other people at our table set for eight. They were very social and kind, had plenty of stories to share, and even offered to lend us some dress clothes for the formal evenings. Our timid room steward folded our towels into cute animals every evening while we were at dinner. I won a trophy and unlimited free ice cream in the 2nd round of the Sex and Romance quiz game (even though there was free 24 hour ice cream, it was still exciting). We played mini-golf once and got confused at the casino once. We saw dolphins off in the distance at breakfast one day. We went to an art auction where most pieces were going for around $5,000 and one went for $103,000, and we bought a piece for only $260. The overweight cruise director John was hilarious.
We were introduced to many parts of Europe, all of which were beautiful. We got a bus tour through some of more historical Barcelona the day we met up with our ship. We saw old towns, alleyways, and chapels in Cascais, Sintra, and Lisbon, Portugal and tasted their treats. Oh, funny story about the treats. The country is famous for its desserts, and we had tried these mini cheesecake things that were delicious. In Spain it's apparently the custom to wake up and have a Churro with some coffee, a lot like we do with donuts and coffee in the US. I never got the opportunity in Spain so I wanted to try and at least get a Churro in Portugal. I found a little shop that was selling these little things that looked like Cinnamon covered donuts. There was something on the menu that looked like "Churro" and I figured, OK, this has gotta be it. I bought one and offered the first bit to Giana. She froze for a moment, then looked at me and said, "Here you try it. You've gotta try it." I took a bite and it wasn't a Churro at all. It was a very thin fried pastry dough, not Cinnamon, and the center was packed solid with what must've been tuna. After a few more bites, it tasted pretty good, but when you're expecting a donutty sweet treat, it's a disgusting surprise. We toured the beaches of Normandy in France. Our guide, and my favorite guide, Jacques (how awesome was that to have a Jacques guide in France) always pointed out the "happy cows" in the fields. We had a French lunch with a bottle of red wine. Most of the Americans complained about the food but I thought it was great. The dessert was apple pie a la mode, but it was more doughy than apples and the "a la mode" was real cream, not ice cream. One stupid American kid said, "Great, apple pie, cause that's what French are known for," implying that the French had no right in serving apple pie as it was an American dish, and wouldn't touch it. I silently thought to myself, "The phrase a la mode is French you idiot", and nommed up the pie. We also found out that the French in the area love Americans so much, because of D-Day, that they won't even give them speeding tickets. The tour guide actually pretended he was American once and got away with it. The local farmers will even take you into their home and offer you a drink if they find out you're American. So the rumor that the French are snobs and hate Americans is just another lie probably started by the Republicans. Freedom Fries... how stupid. Ok, I'll save the political talk for another entry. Finally we visited Windsor castle of England. This was probably the driest (metaphorically, not literally, as it did rain a bit in London) part of our tour, since England is much like America. Even so, the castle was quite impressive. I found it very entertaining that the Royal Guard carried machine guns.
Conclusion
We may have missed Italy, but that just means we'll have to go back another time :) The trip was definitely not a vacation, but it was certainly an adventure. !Xtreme Cheese warning! Most importantly, Giana and I got through it together. We cheered eachother up and made the best of what we had. All the crap that happened and stress we were under might have torn others apart, but it pulled us closer together.
Ok, this is pretty long already, but to wrap it up here's a list of things that didn't happen to us, so I'm glad we didn't say, "It can't get any worse."
- Note that all the art pieces that were at the auction had thick, real wood frames. While at the auction, a particularly large piece fell over and the top edge hit the girl sitting immediately to my left on the head. She was bleeding pretty well. I think she ended up being fine, but she must've been in quite a bit of pain.
- The girl who got her head hit's friend apparently broke her ankle coming up the gangway the day prior.
- I didn't win the hairy chest contest :D
- Two people got left behind on the Barcelona bus tour. We were lucky to know what we were getting into before we got to the country. They were stranded there unexpectedly. They got in touch with the boat and managed to catch up three days later.
- Two different people were pick-pocketed in Barcelona. One basically lost all her ID and money. The other lost their camera when the two pick pockets threw a young child into their arms as a distraction. Crazy, but I was previously aware and that's why I told Giana not to bring her purse.
- A young man almost died. We don't know exactly what happened except that we were two hours off the coast of Spain when the boat had to head to the shore to drop him off. The cruise director only said that the medical staff were struggling to keep him alive during the two hour journey to the coast. He was in the ICU on shore and they had performed a surgery, but that's the last we heard.
- Our bags did not stay lost forever, and none of their contents were removed. What's the phrase? Thank God for small graces? Yeah, that.
- We never met Que Tal guy from the BBC learn a language site. I'm not sure if that was good or bad, but I'm gonna mark it as a good thing.
- The planes did not crash, and the boat did not sink. With everything that was going wrong, I was pretty sure that one of those was bound to happen.
Till next time, which will probably be if I ever finish "The Case for Christ". It's just another terrible attempt to confuse opinion with reason. People are so easily confused. People are entitled to their beliefs, but they're not entitled to lie and confuse to propagate their beliefs. I won't stand for it and I'll bore everyone who comes to this journal with proper logic and reasoning until they get it.