(no subject)
Some of you know that recently I joined the Calvary tennis team. I fucking suck at tennis. The last time I played was in like the 6th grade and my coach set his house on fire and shot himself in the head and I quit. Tennis is a completly unatural sport for me because in tennis, unlike any other sport I like, it is very very difficult to intimidate or out baddass your opponent. At first I thought there was no way to do this, but today I have changed my mind. My tennis game starting tommorow will make a radical change for the better.
Tennis and testosterone can be mixed and I will perfect this. To begin with I have no traditional athletic shorts, so I have been playing in my short ass kickboxing shorts. I have already almost beat the fuck out of someone in a practice game over wheather a ball was in or out, and I throw my racket more than I hit tennis balls. In tennis most players observe a fairly strict code of courtesy involving silence wile playing, but fuck that shit. I have to talk shit. Whenever I play I do not stop insulting the other players shots and I never shut up calling myself "The Judge" and going on saying things like: "The Judge owns this court", "If you keep hitting balls that badly I'm afraid I'm going to have to hold you in contempt of court", and "Case dissmissed mother fucker". If you have ever had the displeasure of watching pro tennis on tv you may have noticed the obnoxious orgasmic noises some tennis players make when they hit the ball. Fuck that, everytime I hit the ball I yell "BLAP!".
In short my shit talking is superb and super annoying, but my tennis skills are shit. We have to play Country day on Tuesday and they are really really fucking good. Everyone says that they are going to kill us, but I think we all know that The Judge never loses controll of his court to anyone.
Today I hit a girl in the face with a tennis ball and busted the shit out of her nose, she bled all over the place, complained like a woman, and ran to the bathroom covering her face. It was pure ownage. This is what inspired me to push my tennis game to the next level. My entire game is going to be based on hitting vital regions of the opponents with the tennis ball. I'm already working to perfect my esophogus shot. These pussy ass mother fuckers are not used to losing blood and eyes in their sport so they are about to get a very very rude awakening.
Tennis and testosterone can be mixed and I will perfect this. To begin with I have no traditional athletic shorts, so I have been playing in my short ass kickboxing shorts. I have already almost beat the fuck out of someone in a practice game over wheather a ball was in or out, and I throw my racket more than I hit tennis balls. In tennis most players observe a fairly strict code of courtesy involving silence wile playing, but fuck that shit. I have to talk shit. Whenever I play I do not stop insulting the other players shots and I never shut up calling myself "The Judge" and going on saying things like: "The Judge owns this court", "If you keep hitting balls that badly I'm afraid I'm going to have to hold you in contempt of court", and "Case dissmissed mother fucker". If you have ever had the displeasure of watching pro tennis on tv you may have noticed the obnoxious orgasmic noises some tennis players make when they hit the ball. Fuck that, everytime I hit the ball I yell "BLAP!".
In short my shit talking is superb and super annoying, but my tennis skills are shit. We have to play Country day on Tuesday and they are really really fucking good. Everyone says that they are going to kill us, but I think we all know that The Judge never loses controll of his court to anyone.
Today I hit a girl in the face with a tennis ball and busted the shit out of her nose, she bled all over the place, complained like a woman, and ran to the bathroom covering her face. It was pure ownage. This is what inspired me to push my tennis game to the next level. My entire game is going to be based on hitting vital regions of the opponents with the tennis ball. I'm already working to perfect my esophogus shot. These pussy ass mother fuckers are not used to losing blood and eyes in their sport so they are about to get a very very rude awakening.