Sometimes you don't know where you're from till you leave
This semester has been such a bitch. Thank God it's over. Now I just get to deal with the wounds it's left me. There have been so many times where I just wanted to wave the white flag and run back to Miami. I still miss Miami. It's too damn cold here.
I have so much to say but as I write I'm left tongue tied. I wish I could share funny moments between friends, unforgettable memories of crazy sleepovers...but instead I'm 1,000 miles away with a small handful of friends that I see 4 times a week. My only outings include middle school basketball games, high school football games, Saturday class, and random trips to Walmart where I spend money I don't have. I've only been to two movies since I've been here with my roommate, who only goes so rarely because a $6 movie ticket to her is a ridiculous price (not that she doesn't have the money). I miss my movie nights with friends. I miss the mall being 10 minutes away. I miss having a video rental store larger than a small bedroom. I miss having a Dunkin Donuts that is closer than 3 hours away. Not that I went to Dunkin Donuts often, but it was nice to have the option. I miss my friends. I miss having a room and a bed to sleep on during the weekends. I miss my books probably more than I miss my bed. I miss having friend that know me better than the back of their hands. The ones that'll whack you when you're being an idiot, cry with you when your heart is broken, and give you advice without you ever having to ask. The ones that only need to look at you for an instant to tell what's wrong.
I love having my sister and family close, but I hate it here. I do love my few friends I have, but they have their own lives that I'm not a part of. I don't feel like I'm a part of anything. I don't even have a bedroom. I live here now. Full time. I don't even have a bedroom. It's a weird feeling not to belong anywhere. It seems that everyone has found their place except for me. Maybe this is my place. Maybe this is where I'm going to be stuck for the rest of my life. Maybe this is my place and I can't do anything about it. Life is terrible.
There isn't one area of my life that I'm happy with. Not one. I don't even have my health. The constant stress has taken care of that. I don't know where to begin to make it better. I need therapy. I've been saying it for a month and haven't done anything about it, but I definitely do.
Everything has fallen apart