HOLY CRAP ITS A POST FROM ME 0_o
Sigh. So I've needed to post for a while. Life is pretty bad.
School is killing me, because my adviser didn't listen when I explained how horrible I am in science. So now I'm trying to get out of advanced chem and bio classes. For the second time. Since the last time I tried getting out of them, I was too "smart" and they need more strong women in science. Dr. Baker and kiss my ass. If he looked at my grades he wouldn't think I was so smart. I hate school. I hate it. I've lost all drive for the classes I was doing well i n, and now I've changed my major and have no idea what I want to do with my life. Needless to say, this is not how I wanted my first semester at college to go. I was trying so hard to do well. I feel like a stupid failure. I feel horrible. I'm so ashamed that I can't handle the work I've been given, and I'm ashamed that Steven has to be there to watch me fall to pieces over everything that's been going on. It makes an already humiliating situation that much humiliating. And of course, he's being wonderful and perfect and supportive, which just makes me want to cry.
I have no money. I guess that's the complaint of every college student. But I have no fuck clue how I spent $1200 in 6 weeks. So obviously I fail at managing money too. Not that that will be a problem, since my dad is so infuriated with me he practically said he doesn't care if I starve.
My whole life is epic fail.
I'm so depressed I've missed class all week long, which just gives me more problems I know, but I've run out of reasons to get up in the morning. Steven visited last weekend after we've been apart for two months and he left on Monday, and I've never had such a hard time watching him go. I guess that's because life is so stressful and hard right now and I just wish he could be with me. I haven't seen him for two months and I only got 3 days with him. I don't have to wait that much longer to see him again, but it's hard being without the person you love. It's so hard when he isn't here. Maybe I'm a wimp and whining too much, but I have never taken him leaving me so hard in my life. I just want to cry all the time and I'm so lonely and bitter I can't stand it. I feel like I've fallen into this black hole of melancholy and I can't get out.
School is killing me, because my adviser didn't listen when I explained how horrible I am in science. So now I'm trying to get out of advanced chem and bio classes. For the second time. Since the last time I tried getting out of them, I was too "smart" and they need more strong women in science. Dr. Baker and kiss my ass. If he looked at my grades he wouldn't think I was so smart. I hate school. I hate it. I've lost all drive for the classes I was doing well i n, and now I've changed my major and have no idea what I want to do with my life. Needless to say, this is not how I wanted my first semester at college to go. I was trying so hard to do well. I feel like a stupid failure. I feel horrible. I'm so ashamed that I can't handle the work I've been given, and I'm ashamed that Steven has to be there to watch me fall to pieces over everything that's been going on. It makes an already humiliating situation that much humiliating. And of course, he's being wonderful and perfect and supportive, which just makes me want to cry.
I have no money. I guess that's the complaint of every college student. But I have no fuck clue how I spent $1200 in 6 weeks. So obviously I fail at managing money too. Not that that will be a problem, since my dad is so infuriated with me he practically said he doesn't care if I starve.
My whole life is epic fail.
I'm so depressed I've missed class all week long, which just gives me more problems I know, but I've run out of reasons to get up in the morning. Steven visited last weekend after we've been apart for two months and he left on Monday, and I've never had such a hard time watching him go. I guess that's because life is so stressful and hard right now and I just wish he could be with me. I haven't seen him for two months and I only got 3 days with him. I don't have to wait that much longer to see him again, but it's hard being without the person you love. It's so hard when he isn't here. Maybe I'm a wimp and whining too much, but I have never taken him leaving me so hard in my life. I just want to cry all the time and I'm so lonely and bitter I can't stand it. I feel like I've fallen into this black hole of melancholy and I can't get out.