(no subject)

[chewonstyrofoam]

 I know I'm changing.  Sometimes I think that I'm becoming a better person with a worse attitude.  Or I'm just getting really impatient.  I can't believe I popped on Greg-and he could care less.  I had a bad day yesterday-I got little to no sleep the two nights before due to my guzzling of coffee, I was all pms'd and hormonal, I was waiting on an email from the hiring guy who should have wrote me about my portfolio, and I was on my third day without a cigarette.  After class got out at 3, I spent the entire evening with Greg pacing and standing and asking me the same questions over and over.  I was busy doing projects and so mad that I ignored him to full extent.  I turned into a tense little stress ball and was drinking a cup of coffee while he paced back and forth 30 times behind me.  Finally I flipped, and I asked him to please do something, and what does he want for me to put in his hands?  I told him that either something fucked him up or he fucked up something, and sitting around doing drugs at our house wasn't going to help anything.  I yelled.  He just looked at me like a apathetic fuckwit and told me everyone is on drugs.  He tried to make me feel guilty by saying things like, "I don't have to explain because you will never understand what's going on in my head." and "don't worry, I'll leave tomorrow".  I was just plain angry.  I want to absolutely shove something large up his nose or push him over or something.  I'm tired of people taking advantage of us but masking it by calling us their friends.  He's not being a friend right now; he's being an asshole.  I don't need to take care of one more person that fucked up their life and wants to mooch.  Both Brad and Greg refuse to let us help; they simply want to wallow around and play victim as they fill the role as the aggressor.

Then at the same time, I feel like something really bad possibly could have happened, and I'm the bitch that yelled at the suicidal baby.  I should have just kept quite.