process
i decided not to go to portland tomorrow because 1. vesta forgot to buy me an air mattress and i don;'t want to ask her and 2. i dont think my back can take the driving this time. krissy thank you so much for your offer to stay sunday night! maybe i can take a raincheck for the next cupcake=)
i do still want to go see gangaji but i found out ashland is 90 miles away not 60. i feel like i want to be brave, but it will depend on my back. but i decided to let it be more organic. if i flow into feeling brave i will do it. i don't want to feel like i am pushing things. thats a new big lesson. i also decided to take my jewelry out of redux. why? it just never felt right. it didn't feel organic. it felt like, oh this is a trendy shop, i should try to ge tmy stuff in here. i do want to do the winter handmade bazaar so i will get my necklaces back and start adding to the jewelry and make clothes. i can see if jeremy can pay for the hostel for two nights. i can see everyone then too and this is something i really liked doing.
i had the mother of all panic attacks today, and took ativan. i have been taking three of them and they barely work. so i just got the rescue remedy, and it went away much faster. i would rather take that anyway. i believe in it more.
i was listening to suzanne somers talking about what she takes instead of synthetic hormones and she feels great. i don't care how long i live, i just don't want to be sick! i have been sick long enough and want to get her book and see. she said there is a alternative to hgh, which are amino acids, a cocktail of them. i don't like the whole process of mare's urine about HRT. i think the reason i feel so old is because i am so sick! i cant get around, i am like my mom who is over 80. i get carts at the market because it is like a walker for me, i cant walk without it. even if i am getting one can of something. this is ridiculous. i want to find out what else i can do. i think this has had so much to do with myself esteem too. i think this had the MOST to do with my self esteem.
so, gangaji tomorrow if i wake up and feel brave. i would love it so, especially since i found out i cant see her talks on tv here. i would have to buy her tapes. but in person, that would be amazing.
xx
i do still want to go see gangaji but i found out ashland is 90 miles away not 60. i feel like i want to be brave, but it will depend on my back. but i decided to let it be more organic. if i flow into feeling brave i will do it. i don't want to feel like i am pushing things. thats a new big lesson. i also decided to take my jewelry out of redux. why? it just never felt right. it didn't feel organic. it felt like, oh this is a trendy shop, i should try to ge tmy stuff in here. i do want to do the winter handmade bazaar so i will get my necklaces back and start adding to the jewelry and make clothes. i can see if jeremy can pay for the hostel for two nights. i can see everyone then too and this is something i really liked doing.
i had the mother of all panic attacks today, and took ativan. i have been taking three of them and they barely work. so i just got the rescue remedy, and it went away much faster. i would rather take that anyway. i believe in it more.
i was listening to suzanne somers talking about what she takes instead of synthetic hormones and she feels great. i don't care how long i live, i just don't want to be sick! i have been sick long enough and want to get her book and see. she said there is a alternative to hgh, which are amino acids, a cocktail of them. i don't like the whole process of mare's urine about HRT. i think the reason i feel so old is because i am so sick! i cant get around, i am like my mom who is over 80. i get carts at the market because it is like a walker for me, i cant walk without it. even if i am getting one can of something. this is ridiculous. i want to find out what else i can do. i think this has had so much to do with myself esteem too. i think this had the MOST to do with my self esteem.
so, gangaji tomorrow if i wake up and feel brave. i would love it so, especially since i found out i cant see her talks on tv here. i would have to buy her tapes. but in person, that would be amazing.
xx