sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven

[chevellechic]

I've got a really big decision facing me. My real father is coming to Florida in the beginning of August. He's expressed interest in seeing me. I dont really want to but he played the "this might be the last chance we have to see each other" card. So now I'm wondering, despite the fact that I dont want to, if I should anyway. I seriously doubt it'll help me forgive him for everything that he's done, I think it'll probably just bring me more pain. I havent seen my father in almost 10 years, and I dont know what seeing him again would be like. But at the same time, it seems like the events of the past two years have been leading to this. Most of my life he's been completely absent, a distant memory. Only within the past few years has he made any contact whatsoever. Two years ago this fall I wrote him , telling him how I felt, how much he hurt me. He claims he wrote me back but it was lost in the mail. So much has been dredged up the past couple years, and maybe this is my chance to end it all. But at the same time, I just want to forget about him completely and I dont know if I'll be able to just put him behind me if I go see him. Not only that, but his father will be with him. The notorious Norm. That man is insufferable. Two minutes with him makes me want to pull out my hair. I dont know what to do.

I've also got a lot of other stuff on my mind. There's too much stress in my life right now. I get sick to my stomach when I think of all the things going on. Some things are really bad, some things are really good (but could turn bad real quick). Well, really theres only one really positive thing and I'm not even sure how real it is. It could be all in my head. Good thing I have my kitten to cheer me up : ] ♥