Decisions, emotions and rollercoasters.
I'm going to start from what is most recent and work my way back.
I slept 13 hours last night, and could have probably slept 2 or 3 more if I hadn't had to be up for church this morning.
I posted the night before Valentine's day that I realized I had no single girlfriends in Denton, and that I needed someone to go to the bar with on Valentine's. I ended up texting Jeremy to see what he'd be up to. He was up for going to Lou's.
It was hilarious, too. We were texting about it and he goes, "So whatcha gonna wear? Totally conservative or sex bomb?" it was like... we were girlfriends. Of course with this question, I was gonna go sex bomb. And then I told him that Charity, my 19-year-old, married, mormon best friend would pick out my outfit and it would be totally sex-bomb.
So the next night, I go to Lou's and meet Jeremy there. Ricky and Ross were there, too, but no David, thank god, because of course, it was Valentine's day. Jeremy and I talked about a lot. We got into a conversation about the past, if he still denies what I say it was. It's funny that he admits that I said no...
The thing is, the discrepancy is that I don't call it rape. I call it assault. But what he believes I accused him of was rape. Not that there's actually a difference.
So... he says,
"I couldn't have raped you. I loved you. You showed me your soul and I loved you."
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. how does he always make words so powerful?
He also repeated that in several other ways.
Finally, I told him that I don't call it rape, I call it assault, and he said, "I guess, assault, okay maybe."
At the end of the whole thing we hugged really tightly.
There is something immeasurably crazy about how connected we are. Of the people I thought might be my forever friends, the odds just could not have been more against us.
So, we all went back to his place after. Of course, he is still the facilitator of all social lives in his life. Finally at 4am I decided I had to go home. He walked me out to my car.
And we kissed.
It was like being hit by a ton of bricks. I didn't expect to feel so much.
I had to work at 8:30am. I felt like I had butterflies all day. And I was fighting it with all my might. There can never, ever, ever be anything between him and I. Never. Never, ever. So, I think I've adequately beaten that down. It's probably going to bubble back up the next time I see him. And I have a feeling we might start hanging out more often...
***
In other news, last weekend I decided I would give the promotion a shot. I emailed my choir director and explained the whole thing to him, that I would be required to do every other Sunday at the store. I cried the whole time writing the email. Just cried my eyes out. I said a few times in the email that St. Matthews is the most fulfilling singing I'm doing right now.
He wrote back and said we could probably work things out, and to talk to him after the rehearsal on Sunday.
Saturday morning I called my store for my DM's cellphone number, and called him to tell him I was going to put myself in the running for the promotion, I had emailed my director, and I thought I could work out the Sunday issue. I cried more about St. Matthews. I went to work later that day, feeling sort of wrecked after all the crying I did. I told everyone I was going to take the promotion.
I went to church on Sunday, and kept tearing up throughout the service, thinking about the possibility of cutting my time there. It's not like I'd be leaving, entirely, but boy was I on an emotional rollercoaster the whole day. Michie and I talked after rehearsal and we made tentative plans on which Sunday's I could miss and which ones he needed me. Overall, his whole demeanor was that he wanted very much to work it out, because he doesn't want to be without my voice because it's perfect for the style of music that we do. I am the core of the sound.
So I had my interview with the store manager in Lewisville on Wednesday morning. I felt like it went well, but of course left feeling like I should have said a couple things differently, and put more emphasis into having felt, for a long time, that I could make a career out of this.
She said she was talking to a couple of others about it. So I have no idea where I actually stand, but seeing as how Joe made it a point to offer me the position again, I feel like I'm at least on the top of his list. It's probably her decision though.
Anyway, that's where I'm at. A couple of rollercoaster weeks behind me.
I slept 13 hours last night, and could have probably slept 2 or 3 more if I hadn't had to be up for church this morning.
I posted the night before Valentine's day that I realized I had no single girlfriends in Denton, and that I needed someone to go to the bar with on Valentine's. I ended up texting Jeremy to see what he'd be up to. He was up for going to Lou's.
It was hilarious, too. We were texting about it and he goes, "So whatcha gonna wear? Totally conservative or sex bomb?" it was like... we were girlfriends. Of course with this question, I was gonna go sex bomb. And then I told him that Charity, my 19-year-old, married, mormon best friend would pick out my outfit and it would be totally sex-bomb.
So the next night, I go to Lou's and meet Jeremy there. Ricky and Ross were there, too, but no David, thank god, because of course, it was Valentine's day. Jeremy and I talked about a lot. We got into a conversation about the past, if he still denies what I say it was. It's funny that he admits that I said no...
The thing is, the discrepancy is that I don't call it rape. I call it assault. But what he believes I accused him of was rape. Not that there's actually a difference.
So... he says,
"I couldn't have raped you. I loved you. You showed me your soul and I loved you."
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. how does he always make words so powerful?
He also repeated that in several other ways.
Finally, I told him that I don't call it rape, I call it assault, and he said, "I guess, assault, okay maybe."
At the end of the whole thing we hugged really tightly.
There is something immeasurably crazy about how connected we are. Of the people I thought might be my forever friends, the odds just could not have been more against us.
So, we all went back to his place after. Of course, he is still the facilitator of all social lives in his life. Finally at 4am I decided I had to go home. He walked me out to my car.
And we kissed.
It was like being hit by a ton of bricks. I didn't expect to feel so much.
I had to work at 8:30am. I felt like I had butterflies all day. And I was fighting it with all my might. There can never, ever, ever be anything between him and I. Never. Never, ever. So, I think I've adequately beaten that down. It's probably going to bubble back up the next time I see him. And I have a feeling we might start hanging out more often...
***
In other news, last weekend I decided I would give the promotion a shot. I emailed my choir director and explained the whole thing to him, that I would be required to do every other Sunday at the store. I cried the whole time writing the email. Just cried my eyes out. I said a few times in the email that St. Matthews is the most fulfilling singing I'm doing right now.
He wrote back and said we could probably work things out, and to talk to him after the rehearsal on Sunday.
Saturday morning I called my store for my DM's cellphone number, and called him to tell him I was going to put myself in the running for the promotion, I had emailed my director, and I thought I could work out the Sunday issue. I cried more about St. Matthews. I went to work later that day, feeling sort of wrecked after all the crying I did. I told everyone I was going to take the promotion.
I went to church on Sunday, and kept tearing up throughout the service, thinking about the possibility of cutting my time there. It's not like I'd be leaving, entirely, but boy was I on an emotional rollercoaster the whole day. Michie and I talked after rehearsal and we made tentative plans on which Sunday's I could miss and which ones he needed me. Overall, his whole demeanor was that he wanted very much to work it out, because he doesn't want to be without my voice because it's perfect for the style of music that we do. I am the core of the sound.
So I had my interview with the store manager in Lewisville on Wednesday morning. I felt like it went well, but of course left feeling like I should have said a couple things differently, and put more emphasis into having felt, for a long time, that I could make a career out of this.
She said she was talking to a couple of others about it. So I have no idea where I actually stand, but seeing as how Joe made it a point to offer me the position again, I feel like I'm at least on the top of his list. It's probably her decision though.
Anyway, that's where I'm at. A couple of rollercoaster weeks behind me.