::grumble::
I'm not going to be home on Christmas. It still remains to be seen if I'll go home at all over the break. At least I would have missed my family party anyway, since they're doing it on the 16th this year due to where Christmas falls. If they were doing it the day after Christmas like they always do I would have been super pissed. Oh well. I want to send my parents home some wine in lieu of my presence. Since doing wine tastings, I've found some surprisingly wonderful Texas wines that would be cool to send home. I don't want to send them home my Korea wine because I need to be there when it's opened to disclaimer it. Lol. (I haven't tasted it, but from everyone I know on the Korea trip who I have heard from, it doesn't actually taste like real wine. It tastes like fruit wine. Like, the kinds that claim they are wine made out of other sorts of berries and such. So this disclaimer will be to leave behind the idea that it is wine, and to think of it more as an Asian berry liqueur.)
So anyway. On top of not going home for Christmas, I am probably not going to be able to enroll in next semester at all. And I think I am going to request not to continue my employment at Kay's past my current seasonal position. The idea that a 40 hour work week will make me $342 is just totally absurd. I can't live, and make gains, with that kind of money. Besides, at each wine tasting I do that I meet another wine taster from another company at, they offer me a referral to their company, some of which pay $25 and $30/hr rather than my $20/hr. So If I signed up with multiple companies and was actually able to fill out my schedule a little more, with some regularity, I could make some really decent money.
Also, if I'm not enrolled in school, and not working at Kay...... I will be a stripper.
It's really a punch to the gut to think that I have one... single.... semester left... and I'm going to take more time off.
I WILL NOT FUCKING QUIT. I WILL NOT.
On the other hand, maybe when I go back the following fall, I will go back with some professional choir gigs to my name, too. So it will be like I'm finishing just for the officialness of the piece of paper rather than because I need to to get the jobs I want... and it won't be like I took time off because I was failing at life, but had the ability to be successful without it anyway. Because, really, at this point.... come on.
I AM READY FOR THE REAL WORLD, IN MUSIC.
I am still pissed and frustrated that I don't have the means to buy adderall on the black market or get my second opinion diagnosis.
I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH MY DAD TODAY AND HE ASKED ME IF IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ME TO CONTINUE GETTING IT ON THE BLACK MARKET TO HELP MYSELF GET THROUGH THE END OF THE SEMESTER.
Granted the answer was no, I just love that my parents are totally down with me buying adderall illegally. I mean, they must still have trust in my decisions regarding substances based on my previous and long-withstanding straightedgness.
Anyway... maybe, just maybe, taking another semester off, with my goals in mind, I'll finish my sight singing method creation, and make more headway on my career goals than if I were in school. If I become stable, I could start getting lessons from Heidi.
This might be the best choice.
So anyway. On top of not going home for Christmas, I am probably not going to be able to enroll in next semester at all. And I think I am going to request not to continue my employment at Kay's past my current seasonal position. The idea that a 40 hour work week will make me $342 is just totally absurd. I can't live, and make gains, with that kind of money. Besides, at each wine tasting I do that I meet another wine taster from another company at, they offer me a referral to their company, some of which pay $25 and $30/hr rather than my $20/hr. So If I signed up with multiple companies and was actually able to fill out my schedule a little more, with some regularity, I could make some really decent money.
Also, if I'm not enrolled in school, and not working at Kay...... I will be a stripper.
It's really a punch to the gut to think that I have one... single.... semester left... and I'm going to take more time off.
I WILL NOT FUCKING QUIT. I WILL NOT.
On the other hand, maybe when I go back the following fall, I will go back with some professional choir gigs to my name, too. So it will be like I'm finishing just for the officialness of the piece of paper rather than because I need to to get the jobs I want... and it won't be like I took time off because I was failing at life, but had the ability to be successful without it anyway. Because, really, at this point.... come on.
I AM READY FOR THE REAL WORLD, IN MUSIC.
I am still pissed and frustrated that I don't have the means to buy adderall on the black market or get my second opinion diagnosis.
I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH MY DAD TODAY AND HE ASKED ME IF IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ME TO CONTINUE GETTING IT ON THE BLACK MARKET TO HELP MYSELF GET THROUGH THE END OF THE SEMESTER.
Granted the answer was no, I just love that my parents are totally down with me buying adderall illegally. I mean, they must still have trust in my decisions regarding substances based on my previous and long-withstanding straightedgness.
Anyway... maybe, just maybe, taking another semester off, with my goals in mind, I'll finish my sight singing method creation, and make more headway on my career goals than if I were in school. If I become stable, I could start getting lessons from Heidi.
This might be the best choice.