I'm in a weird place
I think I've inexplicably hit a void in my impulse control.
I am lately only mentally ok on days I remember to take my supplements. I <3 megadoses of B vitamins.
Even on my ok days, I still become frozen with the idea of practicing piano or writing a paper I have to write. I fantasize about sitting down and doing my work... and in those thoughts I have that nice settled feeling about it, like I would if I were concentrating on my work, and not getting distracted, or anxious, or panicked... and then go and I sit down to work... and I panic. And immediately stop.
There is probably a 7% chance of me making it through next semester without adderall. This is a ridiculously easy semester and I am not having an easy time of it. It would probably help me in German if I could afford to get the book. I've taken a humongous chunk out of my grade by not having it, but I have passed all the tests with a C or higher, so hopefully I'll at least pass.
I am going to get a B in Political Science and I've only shown up three times. Two of which were for tests.
This has seriously been the easiest semester ever. But there is no way I'll make it through next semester. I have a math and a science class next semester that actually require outside work.
But I only have one semester plus a summer class and I'll be done. I am not cut out for school, and maybe I have been persistant on finishing to a fault, in denial about my lack of ability to do it, but there is no giving up at this point. There just isn't.
Plus, I need to motivation to sit down and develop my sight singing method, and put it all down on paper. It's going to be so good. But that's something I should do over the break.
I want to create a title for it. I want to actually, legitimately, create it as if I could teach it to someone else, or as if it is a guidebook for someone else.
Advanced Sight-Singing: instant knowing to the point to un-knowing
Advanced Sight-Singing: recall so instant, you become faster than your conscious mind
Advanced Sight-Singing: becomming faster than your concious mind
Advanced Sight-Singing: instant intervalic recall & becomming faster than your conscious mind
...I dunno. Something like that.
I NEED MOTHERFUCKING ADDERALLLLLLLLLLL.
I am lately only mentally ok on days I remember to take my supplements. I <3 megadoses of B vitamins.
Even on my ok days, I still become frozen with the idea of practicing piano or writing a paper I have to write. I fantasize about sitting down and doing my work... and in those thoughts I have that nice settled feeling about it, like I would if I were concentrating on my work, and not getting distracted, or anxious, or panicked... and then go and I sit down to work... and I panic. And immediately stop.
There is probably a 7% chance of me making it through next semester without adderall. This is a ridiculously easy semester and I am not having an easy time of it. It would probably help me in German if I could afford to get the book. I've taken a humongous chunk out of my grade by not having it, but I have passed all the tests with a C or higher, so hopefully I'll at least pass.
I am going to get a B in Political Science and I've only shown up three times. Two of which were for tests.
This has seriously been the easiest semester ever. But there is no way I'll make it through next semester. I have a math and a science class next semester that actually require outside work.
But I only have one semester plus a summer class and I'll be done. I am not cut out for school, and maybe I have been persistant on finishing to a fault, in denial about my lack of ability to do it, but there is no giving up at this point. There just isn't.
Plus, I need to motivation to sit down and develop my sight singing method, and put it all down on paper. It's going to be so good. But that's something I should do over the break.
I want to create a title for it. I want to actually, legitimately, create it as if I could teach it to someone else, or as if it is a guidebook for someone else.
Advanced Sight-Singing: instant knowing to the point to un-knowing
Advanced Sight-Singing: recall so instant, you become faster than your conscious mind
Advanced Sight-Singing: becomming faster than your concious mind
Advanced Sight-Singing: instant intervalic recall & becomming faster than your conscious mind
...I dunno. Something like that.
I NEED MOTHERFUCKING ADDERALLLLLLLLLLL.