A trip back to Jason Land...
As always, a lot is going on. We are in our new place, and it is nice to have our own place finally. Things are almost unpacked. Right after moving, we had a friend of Brads visit. She was down from Wisconsin and was one of the most fun guests I have ever had stay over. Just a fun person. After she left, it just seems like we have been running non stop. Still trying to get my money balanced from everything. I got Dad paid back, Paid Gramma the money i owe her, was able to buy a few things for myself, and the car of course. :-) That thing is such therapy for me. Its amazing how good a new car can make me feel. It is the car I have wanted for so long. Its got a good amount of power and is just a really nice ride. Especially after driving such pieces of shit over the last few years.
Yesterday, we went for a drive up to Montrose to meet a client for a policy I was writing for her. I would have to say, she is one of my favorite clients. Her husband just recently passed away. He was a super guy. He was 90 years old. You would never have guessed. Maybe put him at 60. I bet he was 45 in his head, if that. He lived a very full life. From what she was saying about him, he was a very active man. He never acted like he was old. She had some things to say about that that got my mind working.. yet again. She said, instead of sitting and completely retiring and sitting around when you get to that age, just keep going. Keep doing what you love, and keep pushing forward, and it seems to extend your life. This just makes me think about everything that I am building up for myself. As content as I am with the way that things are turning out, is it what I want. Is it what makes me happy, or is it just what I need to do. i have felt this quite a bit lately. Am I doing what truly makes me happy, or just what gets me by. I dont think I know what true happiness is. I cant step away from my life for long enough to decide if it is what I want. We are all so tied up in life's duties. Getting up, going to work, coming home to make dinner, resting a little, then going to bed. Its life's redundant circle. You work, so you can have a place to live, so you can get back to work. Its just one endless, pointless cycle. How irritating. I dont want to live my life doing what is necessary. I want to live my life doing what I enjoy.
When I look at the generations of people that are out there.... i look at my generation as those that are lost trying to find happiness. It seems like so many of us are looking for it, but we cant get away from the shit that we have to do long enough to find it. I remember feeling a few times that I wanted to move back to the countryside just so I can rest and enjoy things. I remember back home, having the time to enjoy things that i loved to do. Its funny how things turn out when you grow up. You just do that pointless circle everyday. All of your vacation time is used visiting the people that you dont get to see often. I am stretched so thin anymore it drives me nuts. I dont get much time away from work, and when i finally do, I have to go visit family and go see the people that I love. Instead of being able to just take off and do the things that I really love. Having all of the family away from here is such a hassle. If they were close by, I could see them periodically, and spend my vacation time doing the things that I love to do. Camping, time at the lake, cruises, traveling the world like I want to do so bad. It seems like there is never time or money because of the everyday bullshit and then my free time spoken for going to see the people I need to catch up with. I think I just miss my family.... Who knows.
People get conditioned to things. I am horrible about it. I get put in a situation that I dont necessarily want, and I condition to it. I build up a tough skin to be content with it, and thats where I live. So many of us do that. We just adjust to our surrounding, instead of making our surrounding what it is that we want......
So I end with the question that I cannot answer, and noboday can answer it for me.....
What is it that Jason wants?
Yesterday, we went for a drive up to Montrose to meet a client for a policy I was writing for her. I would have to say, she is one of my favorite clients. Her husband just recently passed away. He was a super guy. He was 90 years old. You would never have guessed. Maybe put him at 60. I bet he was 45 in his head, if that. He lived a very full life. From what she was saying about him, he was a very active man. He never acted like he was old. She had some things to say about that that got my mind working.. yet again. She said, instead of sitting and completely retiring and sitting around when you get to that age, just keep going. Keep doing what you love, and keep pushing forward, and it seems to extend your life. This just makes me think about everything that I am building up for myself. As content as I am with the way that things are turning out, is it what I want. Is it what makes me happy, or is it just what I need to do. i have felt this quite a bit lately. Am I doing what truly makes me happy, or just what gets me by. I dont think I know what true happiness is. I cant step away from my life for long enough to decide if it is what I want. We are all so tied up in life's duties. Getting up, going to work, coming home to make dinner, resting a little, then going to bed. Its life's redundant circle. You work, so you can have a place to live, so you can get back to work. Its just one endless, pointless cycle. How irritating. I dont want to live my life doing what is necessary. I want to live my life doing what I enjoy.
When I look at the generations of people that are out there.... i look at my generation as those that are lost trying to find happiness. It seems like so many of us are looking for it, but we cant get away from the shit that we have to do long enough to find it. I remember feeling a few times that I wanted to move back to the countryside just so I can rest and enjoy things. I remember back home, having the time to enjoy things that i loved to do. Its funny how things turn out when you grow up. You just do that pointless circle everyday. All of your vacation time is used visiting the people that you dont get to see often. I am stretched so thin anymore it drives me nuts. I dont get much time away from work, and when i finally do, I have to go visit family and go see the people that I love. Instead of being able to just take off and do the things that I really love. Having all of the family away from here is such a hassle. If they were close by, I could see them periodically, and spend my vacation time doing the things that I love to do. Camping, time at the lake, cruises, traveling the world like I want to do so bad. It seems like there is never time or money because of the everyday bullshit and then my free time spoken for going to see the people I need to catch up with. I think I just miss my family.... Who knows.
People get conditioned to things. I am horrible about it. I get put in a situation that I dont necessarily want, and I condition to it. I build up a tough skin to be content with it, and thats where I live. So many of us do that. We just adjust to our surrounding, instead of making our surrounding what it is that we want......
So I end with the question that I cannot answer, and noboday can answer it for me.....
What is it that Jason wants?