(no subject)
I have definitely noticed a trend with myself over the past few years that I caught myself doing again today.
It seems as though everytime I get stressed and feel like I am going to be taken advantage of, I back off of everything and try to establish myself and push everyone away. I caught myself doing it today. I have been doing it over the past few days, but today it was very appearant that It was the same as I have done many times. It was a trend that I most definitely kept in my past relationships and in many other dealings in my life.
I felt myself getting stressed and down and getting pissed at EVERYTHING. I ranted about my roomate being behind on bills, my boss being a dick (usually things that dont bother me) and I caught myself evaluating my situation with Brad and questioning if I want to ever get back into this kind of relationship and risk being hurt or putting myself out like I have in the past and to risk my independence. I have gotten comfortable and feel proud of myself being as damn independant as I have become over the past 4 or 5 months especially. It is something Im scared of, but I have to keep my mind in the right place and keep doing the right things, and not making decisions out of fear. Act out of love, not fear. Thats one of my most valuable lessons in life, and I have definitely seen myself make a lot of bad decisions and make a lot of mistakes because of acting out of fear. I have become an asshole to a lot of people and treated them worse than I should have to guard myself. I dont want to be like that ever again.
Now that I am out of this slump, my attitude is much better and I am having a good time with everything again.
Tonight me and my boss went to the Avalanche/ Blues game. Its was really cool. I have always loved Hockey when it is live. It is definitely a sport that I could get into. I've always loved skating anyways. It also made me decide that while Brad and I are on our week long vacation in denver and the mtns, we should go ice skating up in evergreen at that lake. That would be a ton of fun!
He comes back in tonight. He was gone for 3 days.
It seems as though everytime I get stressed and feel like I am going to be taken advantage of, I back off of everything and try to establish myself and push everyone away. I caught myself doing it today. I have been doing it over the past few days, but today it was very appearant that It was the same as I have done many times. It was a trend that I most definitely kept in my past relationships and in many other dealings in my life.
I felt myself getting stressed and down and getting pissed at EVERYTHING. I ranted about my roomate being behind on bills, my boss being a dick (usually things that dont bother me) and I caught myself evaluating my situation with Brad and questioning if I want to ever get back into this kind of relationship and risk being hurt or putting myself out like I have in the past and to risk my independence. I have gotten comfortable and feel proud of myself being as damn independant as I have become over the past 4 or 5 months especially. It is something Im scared of, but I have to keep my mind in the right place and keep doing the right things, and not making decisions out of fear. Act out of love, not fear. Thats one of my most valuable lessons in life, and I have definitely seen myself make a lot of bad decisions and make a lot of mistakes because of acting out of fear. I have become an asshole to a lot of people and treated them worse than I should have to guard myself. I dont want to be like that ever again.
Now that I am out of this slump, my attitude is much better and I am having a good time with everything again.
Tonight me and my boss went to the Avalanche/ Blues game. Its was really cool. I have always loved Hockey when it is live. It is definitely a sport that I could get into. I've always loved skating anyways. It also made me decide that while Brad and I are on our week long vacation in denver and the mtns, we should go ice skating up in evergreen at that lake. That would be a ton of fun!
He comes back in tonight. He was gone for 3 days.