aint life a bitch
Plain and simple statement... Lifes a bitch and then you die....
It seems like everything we do is either improving or demolishing ourselves.. We are always trying to improve things, and if we arent, then we are either wasting away or getting by, or tearing our lives down and hurting ourselves in the future. I am in a really thoughtful mood, plus im listening to bohemium rhapsody, so this song kinda makes you think anyways....
Why cant we just enjoy life? Do we ever reach a point to where we are completely and ultimately happy with everything that is going on? I dont think that place exists for me. If i get comfortable, i get bored. If i get bored, i start stirring shit up... either a new car or a move or a hope for a new job. I guess if i got to where i was completely financially stable and could afford the things i need and desire to make me happy, that part of my life would be settle. But what about other parts... relationships with other people. What about friendships and interaction with other people. To me these things are necessary to be happy. As much as i say that we shouldnt care what other people think of us... it does matter. I guess we just have to find those people that dont judge you a lot and find those people who like a diversity in friends.
Problems occur no matter what.. I am learning to just deal with them one by one, as they come at me. Sometimes I take some things farther then i should, and some i dont take serious enough. Sometimes confusion occurs in my mind on what i want to do with making decisions about quite a variety of things. In a way I am scared of change... Who would have thought that me... the one who has made numerous moves and job changes randomly across the nation, would be afraid of change. I guess I look at my life and see the mistakes i have made by changing things so drastically and I compare them to the things that are happening in my life, and even though the changes are for much better reasons and more legitimate and mature decisions, I am afraid to change things, because i have made myself comfortable in this little life i have going, even though i am not happy with it. I am trying my best to look at what could happen by making these changes on both the negative and positive side and comparing them and deciding wether it is worth risking comfortability for happiness. I am about to make a big change in my life by quitting Friday's and moving to Denver to work for State Farm. I am extremely excited about it, but at the same time nervous. I think it is a good career move, plus i want to be in denver anyways, so I have justified it completely in my head, without lying to myself.... but I am still nervous. I am nervous to move into sams grandmothers apartment even if it for only a few weeks, because i dont want to get burnt out on them because i love the people to death, but i know in that small of a living area, it is going to be very tough on me. I am not into horoscopes, but thats one thing i know is true about me being a cancer.. I love my space.. Im a home nester.. what can i say.. i love my home..
next topic...
Its funny how distance helps out with a friendship with someone.
Everytime I have moved away from somewhere, I have become very close with someone I met while I lived there... it was Devon, then Sam then Jared then Eric and now David... I talked on the phone with david for probably an hour tonight. Just chatting about different things. Past relationships and feelings were brought up along with feelign for eachother. I can honestly say (and my closest friends can vouch for me here) I never got over him. I have always kinda showed it in a bitter way because of the way we left off... but i was hurt, and i really liked him. Now we have been talking and having real heart to hearts about many different things... things from ex's to music and drugs and alcohol... it is really nice. I will see him while i am in NC this summer, and I honestly cant wait. He wants to come out and check out denver. He lives back in Asheville, and well denver is quite comparable to asheville. The best and most attractive thing about both cities to me and to david both, is that both have a decent music scene. Concerts and small bands and bars to hang out in, and people to meet through them. I love being in a city.. I hate the springs because it has nothing, but a decent city i love. Denver is one of those cities I have loved for a long time. Asheville wasnt bad, it was just small... and well i grew up there so its kinda of unattractive because of that. But i cant say its a bad city.
Well that is pretty much all i have to say tonight.. I am tired and ready for bed so i think i will head that way... to my friends out there.... love ya guys, and thanks for sticking through with me through some shit... and know Ive got your backs when you have that stuff to deal with... (brad and sam both know it)
It seems like everything we do is either improving or demolishing ourselves.. We are always trying to improve things, and if we arent, then we are either wasting away or getting by, or tearing our lives down and hurting ourselves in the future. I am in a really thoughtful mood, plus im listening to bohemium rhapsody, so this song kinda makes you think anyways....
Why cant we just enjoy life? Do we ever reach a point to where we are completely and ultimately happy with everything that is going on? I dont think that place exists for me. If i get comfortable, i get bored. If i get bored, i start stirring shit up... either a new car or a move or a hope for a new job. I guess if i got to where i was completely financially stable and could afford the things i need and desire to make me happy, that part of my life would be settle. But what about other parts... relationships with other people. What about friendships and interaction with other people. To me these things are necessary to be happy. As much as i say that we shouldnt care what other people think of us... it does matter. I guess we just have to find those people that dont judge you a lot and find those people who like a diversity in friends.
Problems occur no matter what.. I am learning to just deal with them one by one, as they come at me. Sometimes I take some things farther then i should, and some i dont take serious enough. Sometimes confusion occurs in my mind on what i want to do with making decisions about quite a variety of things. In a way I am scared of change... Who would have thought that me... the one who has made numerous moves and job changes randomly across the nation, would be afraid of change. I guess I look at my life and see the mistakes i have made by changing things so drastically and I compare them to the things that are happening in my life, and even though the changes are for much better reasons and more legitimate and mature decisions, I am afraid to change things, because i have made myself comfortable in this little life i have going, even though i am not happy with it. I am trying my best to look at what could happen by making these changes on both the negative and positive side and comparing them and deciding wether it is worth risking comfortability for happiness. I am about to make a big change in my life by quitting Friday's and moving to Denver to work for State Farm. I am extremely excited about it, but at the same time nervous. I think it is a good career move, plus i want to be in denver anyways, so I have justified it completely in my head, without lying to myself.... but I am still nervous. I am nervous to move into sams grandmothers apartment even if it for only a few weeks, because i dont want to get burnt out on them because i love the people to death, but i know in that small of a living area, it is going to be very tough on me. I am not into horoscopes, but thats one thing i know is true about me being a cancer.. I love my space.. Im a home nester.. what can i say.. i love my home..
next topic...
Its funny how distance helps out with a friendship with someone.
Everytime I have moved away from somewhere, I have become very close with someone I met while I lived there... it was Devon, then Sam then Jared then Eric and now David... I talked on the phone with david for probably an hour tonight. Just chatting about different things. Past relationships and feelings were brought up along with feelign for eachother. I can honestly say (and my closest friends can vouch for me here) I never got over him. I have always kinda showed it in a bitter way because of the way we left off... but i was hurt, and i really liked him. Now we have been talking and having real heart to hearts about many different things... things from ex's to music and drugs and alcohol... it is really nice. I will see him while i am in NC this summer, and I honestly cant wait. He wants to come out and check out denver. He lives back in Asheville, and well denver is quite comparable to asheville. The best and most attractive thing about both cities to me and to david both, is that both have a decent music scene. Concerts and small bands and bars to hang out in, and people to meet through them. I love being in a city.. I hate the springs because it has nothing, but a decent city i love. Denver is one of those cities I have loved for a long time. Asheville wasnt bad, it was just small... and well i grew up there so its kinda of unattractive because of that. But i cant say its a bad city.
Well that is pretty much all i have to say tonight.. I am tired and ready for bed so i think i will head that way... to my friends out there.... love ya guys, and thanks for sticking through with me through some shit... and know Ive got your backs when you have that stuff to deal with... (brad and sam both know it)