just the way your mother likes it, trebeck.
-"dude, i got this bad-ass f-150, and i had it raised four inches! and then i had a SWEET new system installed, and when you put on the Ying Yang Twins, the bass sounds like there are midgets in the back seat smacking each other with trash cans."
ATTENTION FIFTEEN YEAR OLD PUBLIX EMPLOYEES: NO ONE GIVES A SHIT.
fake trucks are about as impressive as a fallout boy cd.
do you really want to impress me? hurt yourself. badly.
why the hell do kids think they can get away with lying so well? you would have to have a triple D rack to pull a lie that big on me.
"no, seriously. that's exactly what she said. she wanted to bone me right then and there in the dairy section."
hm.. weird. cause, you know, when i asked her about it, she said you were a retard, and she wouldn't touch you with a broom.
Currently Reading:
i think this is a good opportunity to teach chase matthews, and all other poor, unsuspecting males in the world, something i have learned in my sixteen years: girls don't go for whatever it is you have.
even if you did have a truck, a computer company, a golden house, and a fifty-foot wang, you still wouldn't get one girl that is worth anything at all. girls like honesty, attractiveness, attention, and other bullshit like that.
the only thing i could think of that would make you manly and wanted is to start a kick-ass site where you just rag on people all night. other than that, you're pretty much doomed to spending your entire life lying to cover your ass for lying the time before that. have fun in Washington, dickhead.
-as a grocery store employee, i see a lot of these little magazines screaming, "101 WAYS TO GET YOUR GUY TO THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE IN BED, YOU FAT BITCH", "57 WAYS TO DROP THE WEIGHT YOU GAINED WHILE FOLLOWING OUR CHRISTMAS RECIPES", and "409 WAYS TO GET YOUR MAN TO LOVE YOU DESPITE SPENDING FIFTY BUCKS A WEEK ON BULLSHIT MAGAZINES". the morons that would fund a magazine like that make me want to choke them, in order to rid the world of the terrible disease that is stupidity.
now, not everyone who buys these are stupid. as a matter of fact, i know some people who buy them just to have something to read. and i love those people. with that said..
if you've ever bought one of these magazines, you are retarded. it's official. your card and pills are on the way.
if you have ever seen anything interesting in any type of store, it. is. full. of. shit.
mary kate is not on fucking coke, you dumb bitch. not all guys can be measured by some dickhead who writes for some chick magazine just to make an easy buck. there is no certain way to get a guy to be attracted to you. and, no, despite the rumors, dick cheney is not a fucking robot.
if they ever put out one copy that actually gave what the cover promised, do you honestly think they would need to put out another? fuck no. i'll write you a magazine that will answer all your questions. it will be called "There Is No Answer To Your Fucking Question Weekly".
that's right. there is no one answer. not every guy will cream because you tickle his ribs. not every guy will kiss you if you wear sixty dollar flip-flops. not every guy loves Friends.
ladies, listen. you don't need these magazines. brett is here to help. all you need is a little healthy masturbation experiment. that simple.
how to get eternal happiness in three easy steps:
step one: unzip. this will require you to move your fat hand to your pants. careful not to break anything. like the chair. or the cat.
step two: peanut butter. should be right next to the computer. apply to private area.
step three: call the dog into the room. you know the drill.
the only reason any of these magazines should ever be purchased, is if they are cheaper than toilet paper.
-now excuse me as i find something less painful to do than thinking about this crap, like sharpen my ice skates with my dick.
a. whisper. is. my. dearest. friend.
ATTENTION FIFTEEN YEAR OLD PUBLIX EMPLOYEES: NO ONE GIVES A SHIT.
fake trucks are about as impressive as a fallout boy cd.
do you really want to impress me? hurt yourself. badly.
why the hell do kids think they can get away with lying so well? you would have to have a triple D rack to pull a lie that big on me.
"no, seriously. that's exactly what she said. she wanted to bone me right then and there in the dairy section."
hm.. weird. cause, you know, when i asked her about it, she said you were a retard, and she wouldn't touch you with a broom.
Currently Reading:
i think this is a good opportunity to teach chase matthews, and all other poor, unsuspecting males in the world, something i have learned in my sixteen years: girls don't go for whatever it is you have.
even if you did have a truck, a computer company, a golden house, and a fifty-foot wang, you still wouldn't get one girl that is worth anything at all. girls like honesty, attractiveness, attention, and other bullshit like that.
the only thing i could think of that would make you manly and wanted is to start a kick-ass site where you just rag on people all night. other than that, you're pretty much doomed to spending your entire life lying to cover your ass for lying the time before that. have fun in Washington, dickhead.
-as a grocery store employee, i see a lot of these little magazines screaming, "101 WAYS TO GET YOUR GUY TO THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE IN BED, YOU FAT BITCH", "57 WAYS TO DROP THE WEIGHT YOU GAINED WHILE FOLLOWING OUR CHRISTMAS RECIPES", and "409 WAYS TO GET YOUR MAN TO LOVE YOU DESPITE SPENDING FIFTY BUCKS A WEEK ON BULLSHIT MAGAZINES". the morons that would fund a magazine like that make me want to choke them, in order to rid the world of the terrible disease that is stupidity.
now, not everyone who buys these are stupid. as a matter of fact, i know some people who buy them just to have something to read. and i love those people. with that said..
if you've ever bought one of these magazines, you are retarded. it's official. your card and pills are on the way.
if you have ever seen anything interesting in any type of store, it. is. full. of. shit.
mary kate is not on fucking coke, you dumb bitch. not all guys can be measured by some dickhead who writes for some chick magazine just to make an easy buck. there is no certain way to get a guy to be attracted to you. and, no, despite the rumors, dick cheney is not a fucking robot.
if they ever put out one copy that actually gave what the cover promised, do you honestly think they would need to put out another? fuck no. i'll write you a magazine that will answer all your questions. it will be called "There Is No Answer To Your Fucking Question Weekly".
that's right. there is no one answer. not every guy will cream because you tickle his ribs. not every guy will kiss you if you wear sixty dollar flip-flops. not every guy loves Friends.
ladies, listen. you don't need these magazines. brett is here to help. all you need is a little healthy masturbation experiment. that simple.
how to get eternal happiness in three easy steps:
step one: unzip. this will require you to move your fat hand to your pants. careful not to break anything. like the chair. or the cat.
step two: peanut butter. should be right next to the computer. apply to private area.
step three: call the dog into the room. you know the drill.
the only reason any of these magazines should ever be purchased, is if they are cheaper than toilet paper.
-now excuse me as i find something less painful to do than thinking about this crap, like sharpen my ice skates with my dick.
a. whisper. is. my. dearest. friend.