Chapter 53 (Part 2)
Title: Nichya (No One's)
Pairing: Alex/Olivia
Fandom: Law and Order SVU
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Dick Wolf and NBC (except for the few I created).
Author's Notes: Olivia's look is from first season SVU; Alex's look is without the bangs. Nichya is Russian for "No One's."
Summary: Alternate Universe (A/U)--Sequel to "Fear Is the Enemy." Alex and Olivia are truly no one's but each other's, and they vow to let nothing tear them apart. But how long can they keep their relationship from their parents? What happens when unexpected obstacles are thrown into their path?
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
Olivia opened her eyes and blinked in confusion. What the fuck is that? she wondered.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
She tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes and slowly turned over on her side. Like a deer caught in headlights, Alex stared at her with a chip midway to her mouth. “What?” she asked around her mouthful.
“Shit, Alex, do you mind? It’s 3 AM and some of us are trying to get some sleep. Can’t you go eat loudly somewhere else?”
“Just where do you want me to fucking go, Liv?” Alex asked angrily.
“How about the couch or maybe the bathroom?”
“I have as much right to eat here-”
Olivia sat up. “Why? Because you paid for it?” she said nastily.
Alex was taken aback at her anger. “Liv, that’s not what I meant and you know it. This is our room and we both have a right to enjoy it, but you’re making that hard for me!”
“Well, I certainly can’t enjoy sleeping with your loud-ass chewing!”
Alex threw the bag of Doritos on the floor. “Fine, Liv! Maybe I will just hold my breath ’til I pass out because I’m afraid it will interfere with your peaceful sleep! Is that what you want?”
“I want you to have some respect for me!” Olivia yelled.
“It’s not like I started eating with the idea in mind, ‘Geez, how can I wake Olivia up?’ I woke up and was just hungry!” Alex protested. “And it’s not like you’ve had any respect for me all day! You’ve been constantly nagging and bitching at me for no good reason!”
“Oh, I had plenty of good reasons!”
“No, you didn’t! First it was because of my luggage, then because I forgot my keys, then you had to pitch a fit at dinner, now it’s because of my eating! Is there something else you’d like to tell me?”
“Yes, shut the fuck up!” Olivia ordered, turning back over on her side and pulling up the covers again.
“Fucking bitch,” Alex muttered under her breath before she could stop herself.
Olivia jerked back around with lightning speed. “What did you call me?”
Defiance flashed in Alex’s cerulean eyes. “I said you’re a fucking bitch!” Alex repeated boldly.
They stared each other down for several seconds. Both their hearts raced anxiously for who was going to say the next harsh word and when. Finally, Olivia broke the silence and declared, “I’m sleeping on the couch.”
“This bed is big enough for the both of us.”
“Apparently not! Maybe I can tune out your smacking from across the room so I can get some sleep!”
“It was not that loud and you know it! Why are you being so mean to me all of a sudden? Things were just fine yesterday!”
“Oh, that’s right. Whenever you can’t get your way, you say I’m being mean.”
“Well, you are! It has nothing to do with me trying to get my way and you know it!”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “Oh god, Alex…I hate when you add that pretentious little ‘and you know it’ like you’re always right and I just refuse to admit it!”
“Kiss my ass, Liv,” Alex said, turning over on her side and staring at the nightstand.
“Your head stuck up it is kinda obstructing my view!”
“Liv, why do you insist on hurting my feelings?” Alex asked, jerking back around to face her. “What the fuck did I do to you?”
“You annoy the hell outta me!”
Scowling, Alex turned back over on her side. “Well, if I’m so annoying, then why are you still with me? Why don’t we just call it quits so you can go be a raging asshole to someone else?”
“Alex, you’re gonna make me say something I may really regret later if you don’t be quiet in about two seconds,” Olivia warned.
“You know what, I don’t have to stay here and take this shit,” Alex said, throwing back the covers and storming to the bathroom. Olivia flinched as the door slammed loudly. Alex sat down on the floor with her back against the door and just burst into the tears that she’d been trying for so long to hold back.
Olivia tossed and turned for several minutes, trying to tune out the sound of Alex’s crying. The harder she tried, the more she failed. The sound of it was like a knife grinding in her stomach, punishing her for being so cruel to the one she loved. Shit, I hate making her cry, she thought. Why do I keep fucking up? She wished she could take back all the harsh things she’d said to her throughout the day and night. A sour taste hit the back of her throat.
She got out of bed, crossed the room, and tried to turn the knob but it was locked. She tapped lightly on the door. “Alex…”
“Go away!” Alex yelled before bursting into a new fit of tears.
Hearing Alex in so much pain caused her own tears to start falling. “Baby, please.”
“Don’t you dare call me that!”
“Sweetie, I’m sorry for taking my anger out on you.”
“Sorry doesn’t cut it this time. Every time you say you’re sorry, you do something else to hurt me and I’m tired of it!”
“Alex…I’ve been so stressed lately-”
“Stop making excuses! I’m tired of you taking your shit out on me just because you can’t cope with stuff going on in your life. How many times do we have to have this conversation before you finally get it?”
“Alex, please don’t shut me out,” Olivia begged.
“You mean the same way you shut me out all of today?” Alex asked, looking over her shoulder at the door as if Olivia could see her. “What was it you said to me? ‘You can dish it out but can’t take it, huh’? So how does it feel?”
“Alex, I feel like shit for what I did to you, ok?” She pressed her hands against the door and sobbed against it. “But please just forgive me, ok?”
“No, not ok!” Alex screamed defiantly.
“Alex, I need you…” Olivia said, sliding down to the floor in a broken heap of defeat. “I can’t stand to lose you.”
“You should’ve thought about that before you said all those things!”
“Baby…we’ve been through worse!”
“It doesn’t matter!”
“I let my insecurities get the best of me this time. I’m sorry,” Olivia repeated helplessly. She pressed her body against the door, wishing she could transcend it and feel Alex instead.
“What do you mean?” Alex asked.
“I just feel so inadequate next to you that I can’t help but get jealous sometimes.”
Alex creased her brow. “But why? I’ve told you that whatever I have, you’re welcome to it. We’re equals.”
“It’s just hard dealing with someone who has so much when you have so little,” Olivia cried. “You have two great parents who don’t drink or hit you, you get showered with all these nice things all the time…I hate feeling that if you left me, I’d have nothing but you’d still have everything.”
Alex stood up, unlocked the door, knelt down on the carpet, and pulled Olivia into her arms. “That’s not true, baby,” Alex said, rubbing a hand over her hair soothingly. “If we broke up, I’d have nothing either. Material things wouldn’t matter because I’d be so miserable. And having Mom and Dad wouldn’t be a comfort either because they’re not the love of my life-you are.”
Olivia’s body continued to wrack with sobs against Alex. “I’m so sorry to keep dragging you down into my mess.”
Alex kissed her forehead. “Your mess is my mess, ok? I told you that we’re in this together.”
“And I hate not having enough money,” Olivia continued. “It makes me feel bad when you have to pay for this and you have to pay for that. That’s why I made such a big deal about paying for dinner.”
“Liv, I’m sorry if I made you feel bad; that was never my intention. But someone’s worth isn’t determined by how much money they have. You’d love me if I didn’t have a dime, wouldn’t you?”
Olivia wiped her eyes. “You know I would.”
“Then I love you regardless of how much money you have. You don’t need to feel jealous or inadequate. It makes me feel nice that I can give you things you’ve never had but that you so rightly deserve. Besides, your feelings aren’t just one-sided. There are so many qualities that you have that I wish I did.”
“Like what?” Olivia asked, wiping her nose on the back of her hand.
Alex grabbed some tissues and started wiping Olivia’s face. “For instance, you’re better at sports than I am, you’re stronger, you can run faster, you can tackle annoying guys and kick their asses…”
Sniffling, Olivia pressed her forehead against Alex’s and smiled. “But you’re more elegant and you can do all those little flips and stuff that I’d probably break my neck trying.”
“You’re so street smart, too…you’ve taught me so many things that I never would’ve dreamed of knowing.”
“I never would’ve known which fork to eat with at fancy dinners if it hadn’t been for you. And you taught me how to ride a horse.”
“You taught me how to shoot a basketball!” Alex said.
“You make better grades.”
“Not all the time! And when I do, it’s only because I study so much. When you study, there are plenty of times you’ve kicked my ass on tests. Plus, you have a nicer body…it’s so curvy and sexy.”
“You have a nicer ass.”
“No, I don’t!” Alex protested.
“Do, too!” Olivia said, rubbing her nose against hers and leaning in to kiss her softly on the lips. She picked up a fresh tissue and wiped Alex’s face.
After giving each other a tight hug, they stood up and walked back over to the bed. Olivia picked up Alex’s bag of chips and put them in her lap. “You didn’t finish.”
Alex smiled at her and put the chips on the nightstand. “Eh, it’s the middle of the night. I might as well just wait for breakfast.”
Olivia brushed her cheek. “Baby, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable eating around me.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll get a full show watching me attack my pancakes at breakfast,” Alex promised.
Olivia cuddled up to her and rubbed her stomach. “Your tummy’s so smooth.”
“Well, so are your hands,” Alex said with a giggle.
Olivia captured Alex’s lips in a tender kiss that made butterflies flutter in both their stomachs. Alex returned the kiss and let her hand linger on the back of Olivia’s warm neck. When the kiss ended, Alex sighed deeply and said, “Thank you.”
“For what?” Olivia asked, brushing some hair back from Alex’s face.
“For being the Olivia who makes my heart skip a beat again.”
Olivia kissed her on the nose and said, “I’m sorry for not being that way all the time.”
“Your flaws are what make you who you are. It’s just that some of them are a little bit painful and I’d rather see them directed at others. I like to experience this warm, fuzzy side of you more.”
Olivia smiled at her. “I know,” she said softly. She wrapped her arms around Alex and placed her head on her shoulder. “You ready to surf tomorrow?”
“You betcha,” Alex said, stifling a yawn.
“I’m sure you’ll be great.”
“Yeah…” Alex trailed off, closing her eyes.
Olivia pulled the covers up over them and continued to gently stroke her stomach as she watched her girlfriend drift off to sleep. “I love you,” she whispered in the darkness, thinking Alex was already asleep.
To her surprise, Alex responded, “I love you, too.”
Pairing: Alex/Olivia
Fandom: Law and Order SVU
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Dick Wolf and NBC (except for the few I created).
Author's Notes: Olivia's look is from first season SVU; Alex's look is without the bangs. Nichya is Russian for "No One's."
Summary: Alternate Universe (A/U)--Sequel to "Fear Is the Enemy." Alex and Olivia are truly no one's but each other's, and they vow to let nothing tear them apart. But how long can they keep their relationship from their parents? What happens when unexpected obstacles are thrown into their path?
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
Olivia opened her eyes and blinked in confusion. What the fuck is that? she wondered.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
She tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes and slowly turned over on her side. Like a deer caught in headlights, Alex stared at her with a chip midway to her mouth. “What?” she asked around her mouthful.
“Shit, Alex, do you mind? It’s 3 AM and some of us are trying to get some sleep. Can’t you go eat loudly somewhere else?”
“Just where do you want me to fucking go, Liv?” Alex asked angrily.
“How about the couch or maybe the bathroom?”
“I have as much right to eat here-”
Olivia sat up. “Why? Because you paid for it?” she said nastily.
Alex was taken aback at her anger. “Liv, that’s not what I meant and you know it. This is our room and we both have a right to enjoy it, but you’re making that hard for me!”
“Well, I certainly can’t enjoy sleeping with your loud-ass chewing!”
Alex threw the bag of Doritos on the floor. “Fine, Liv! Maybe I will just hold my breath ’til I pass out because I’m afraid it will interfere with your peaceful sleep! Is that what you want?”
“I want you to have some respect for me!” Olivia yelled.
“It’s not like I started eating with the idea in mind, ‘Geez, how can I wake Olivia up?’ I woke up and was just hungry!” Alex protested. “And it’s not like you’ve had any respect for me all day! You’ve been constantly nagging and bitching at me for no good reason!”
“Oh, I had plenty of good reasons!”
“No, you didn’t! First it was because of my luggage, then because I forgot my keys, then you had to pitch a fit at dinner, now it’s because of my eating! Is there something else you’d like to tell me?”
“Yes, shut the fuck up!” Olivia ordered, turning back over on her side and pulling up the covers again.
“Fucking bitch,” Alex muttered under her breath before she could stop herself.
Olivia jerked back around with lightning speed. “What did you call me?”
Defiance flashed in Alex’s cerulean eyes. “I said you’re a fucking bitch!” Alex repeated boldly.
They stared each other down for several seconds. Both their hearts raced anxiously for who was going to say the next harsh word and when. Finally, Olivia broke the silence and declared, “I’m sleeping on the couch.”
“This bed is big enough for the both of us.”
“Apparently not! Maybe I can tune out your smacking from across the room so I can get some sleep!”
“It was not that loud and you know it! Why are you being so mean to me all of a sudden? Things were just fine yesterday!”
“Oh, that’s right. Whenever you can’t get your way, you say I’m being mean.”
“Well, you are! It has nothing to do with me trying to get my way and you know it!”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “Oh god, Alex…I hate when you add that pretentious little ‘and you know it’ like you’re always right and I just refuse to admit it!”
“Kiss my ass, Liv,” Alex said, turning over on her side and staring at the nightstand.
“Your head stuck up it is kinda obstructing my view!”
“Liv, why do you insist on hurting my feelings?” Alex asked, jerking back around to face her. “What the fuck did I do to you?”
“You annoy the hell outta me!”
Scowling, Alex turned back over on her side. “Well, if I’m so annoying, then why are you still with me? Why don’t we just call it quits so you can go be a raging asshole to someone else?”
“Alex, you’re gonna make me say something I may really regret later if you don’t be quiet in about two seconds,” Olivia warned.
“You know what, I don’t have to stay here and take this shit,” Alex said, throwing back the covers and storming to the bathroom. Olivia flinched as the door slammed loudly. Alex sat down on the floor with her back against the door and just burst into the tears that she’d been trying for so long to hold back.
Olivia tossed and turned for several minutes, trying to tune out the sound of Alex’s crying. The harder she tried, the more she failed. The sound of it was like a knife grinding in her stomach, punishing her for being so cruel to the one she loved. Shit, I hate making her cry, she thought. Why do I keep fucking up? She wished she could take back all the harsh things she’d said to her throughout the day and night. A sour taste hit the back of her throat.
She got out of bed, crossed the room, and tried to turn the knob but it was locked. She tapped lightly on the door. “Alex…”
“Go away!” Alex yelled before bursting into a new fit of tears.
Hearing Alex in so much pain caused her own tears to start falling. “Baby, please.”
“Don’t you dare call me that!”
“Sweetie, I’m sorry for taking my anger out on you.”
“Sorry doesn’t cut it this time. Every time you say you’re sorry, you do something else to hurt me and I’m tired of it!”
“Alex…I’ve been so stressed lately-”
“Stop making excuses! I’m tired of you taking your shit out on me just because you can’t cope with stuff going on in your life. How many times do we have to have this conversation before you finally get it?”
“Alex, please don’t shut me out,” Olivia begged.
“You mean the same way you shut me out all of today?” Alex asked, looking over her shoulder at the door as if Olivia could see her. “What was it you said to me? ‘You can dish it out but can’t take it, huh’? So how does it feel?”
“Alex, I feel like shit for what I did to you, ok?” She pressed her hands against the door and sobbed against it. “But please just forgive me, ok?”
“No, not ok!” Alex screamed defiantly.
“Alex, I need you…” Olivia said, sliding down to the floor in a broken heap of defeat. “I can’t stand to lose you.”
“You should’ve thought about that before you said all those things!”
“Baby…we’ve been through worse!”
“It doesn’t matter!”
“I let my insecurities get the best of me this time. I’m sorry,” Olivia repeated helplessly. She pressed her body against the door, wishing she could transcend it and feel Alex instead.
“What do you mean?” Alex asked.
“I just feel so inadequate next to you that I can’t help but get jealous sometimes.”
Alex creased her brow. “But why? I’ve told you that whatever I have, you’re welcome to it. We’re equals.”
“It’s just hard dealing with someone who has so much when you have so little,” Olivia cried. “You have two great parents who don’t drink or hit you, you get showered with all these nice things all the time…I hate feeling that if you left me, I’d have nothing but you’d still have everything.”
Alex stood up, unlocked the door, knelt down on the carpet, and pulled Olivia into her arms. “That’s not true, baby,” Alex said, rubbing a hand over her hair soothingly. “If we broke up, I’d have nothing either. Material things wouldn’t matter because I’d be so miserable. And having Mom and Dad wouldn’t be a comfort either because they’re not the love of my life-you are.”
Olivia’s body continued to wrack with sobs against Alex. “I’m so sorry to keep dragging you down into my mess.”
Alex kissed her forehead. “Your mess is my mess, ok? I told you that we’re in this together.”
“And I hate not having enough money,” Olivia continued. “It makes me feel bad when you have to pay for this and you have to pay for that. That’s why I made such a big deal about paying for dinner.”
“Liv, I’m sorry if I made you feel bad; that was never my intention. But someone’s worth isn’t determined by how much money they have. You’d love me if I didn’t have a dime, wouldn’t you?”
Olivia wiped her eyes. “You know I would.”
“Then I love you regardless of how much money you have. You don’t need to feel jealous or inadequate. It makes me feel nice that I can give you things you’ve never had but that you so rightly deserve. Besides, your feelings aren’t just one-sided. There are so many qualities that you have that I wish I did.”
“Like what?” Olivia asked, wiping her nose on the back of her hand.
Alex grabbed some tissues and started wiping Olivia’s face. “For instance, you’re better at sports than I am, you’re stronger, you can run faster, you can tackle annoying guys and kick their asses…”
Sniffling, Olivia pressed her forehead against Alex’s and smiled. “But you’re more elegant and you can do all those little flips and stuff that I’d probably break my neck trying.”
“You’re so street smart, too…you’ve taught me so many things that I never would’ve dreamed of knowing.”
“I never would’ve known which fork to eat with at fancy dinners if it hadn’t been for you. And you taught me how to ride a horse.”
“You taught me how to shoot a basketball!” Alex said.
“You make better grades.”
“Not all the time! And when I do, it’s only because I study so much. When you study, there are plenty of times you’ve kicked my ass on tests. Plus, you have a nicer body…it’s so curvy and sexy.”
“You have a nicer ass.”
“No, I don’t!” Alex protested.
“Do, too!” Olivia said, rubbing her nose against hers and leaning in to kiss her softly on the lips. She picked up a fresh tissue and wiped Alex’s face.
After giving each other a tight hug, they stood up and walked back over to the bed. Olivia picked up Alex’s bag of chips and put them in her lap. “You didn’t finish.”
Alex smiled at her and put the chips on the nightstand. “Eh, it’s the middle of the night. I might as well just wait for breakfast.”
Olivia brushed her cheek. “Baby, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable eating around me.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll get a full show watching me attack my pancakes at breakfast,” Alex promised.
Olivia cuddled up to her and rubbed her stomach. “Your tummy’s so smooth.”
“Well, so are your hands,” Alex said with a giggle.
Olivia captured Alex’s lips in a tender kiss that made butterflies flutter in both their stomachs. Alex returned the kiss and let her hand linger on the back of Olivia’s warm neck. When the kiss ended, Alex sighed deeply and said, “Thank you.”
“For what?” Olivia asked, brushing some hair back from Alex’s face.
“For being the Olivia who makes my heart skip a beat again.”
Olivia kissed her on the nose and said, “I’m sorry for not being that way all the time.”
“Your flaws are what make you who you are. It’s just that some of them are a little bit painful and I’d rather see them directed at others. I like to experience this warm, fuzzy side of you more.”
Olivia smiled at her. “I know,” she said softly. She wrapped her arms around Alex and placed her head on her shoulder. “You ready to surf tomorrow?”
“You betcha,” Alex said, stifling a yawn.
“I’m sure you’ll be great.”
“Yeah…” Alex trailed off, closing her eyes.
Olivia pulled the covers up over them and continued to gently stroke her stomach as she watched her girlfriend drift off to sleep. “I love you,” she whispered in the darkness, thinking Alex was already asleep.
To her surprise, Alex responded, “I love you, too.”