russian roulette with a fully loaded gun
next time, i think i'll try that instead of trying to have a conversation. less crazy and more of a chance of surviving intact.
seriously makes me want to say fuck it and take a vow of silence and become a nun somewhere. wouldn't ever have to speak or be understood (or more pointedly, misunderstood) ever again.
every so often, the air in this house is replaced with sheer fucking insanity and everyone breathes it in and the chairs shift around the table until you're sitting in front of someone elses cup being told there is no cup and why cant you just listen when i tell you that you are wrong there is no gravity? you cannot argue--and certainly dont interrupt--you will lose your head.
i hate it. every sickening im-sorry-where-did-the-floor-just-go? second of it. but then again, i imagine it is part of what made me who i am today. sometimes, i think i would make a good hostage negotiator. other times, i have no fucking clue why i didnt sew my mouth shut years ago.
its a delicate balance, really. endlessly walking this invisible razor-thin tightrope above the chaos. it is possible to get across--i do it all the time. maybe thats why its so Hard when i fall--because i know i didnt have to? i dont know. all i know is i cant take much more crazy.
this is all so hateful. i Truly dont mean it to be. im just frustrated and Frayed. most of the time, we get along fine and i can translate and we Communicate. hell--most of the time we are Very Close. but when we dont--when i lose my ability to speak her language (or when she loses it) or when there is only crazy being spoken--it is fucking Hard. and im fucking Sick of being misunderstood. I Hate It. and it makes me question everything about myself.
seriously makes me want to say fuck it and take a vow of silence and become a nun somewhere. wouldn't ever have to speak or be understood (or more pointedly, misunderstood) ever again.
every so often, the air in this house is replaced with sheer fucking insanity and everyone breathes it in and the chairs shift around the table until you're sitting in front of someone elses cup being told there is no cup and why cant you just listen when i tell you that you are wrong there is no gravity? you cannot argue--and certainly dont interrupt--you will lose your head.
i hate it. every sickening im-sorry-where-did-the-floor-just-go? second of it. but then again, i imagine it is part of what made me who i am today. sometimes, i think i would make a good hostage negotiator. other times, i have no fucking clue why i didnt sew my mouth shut years ago.
its a delicate balance, really. endlessly walking this invisible razor-thin tightrope above the chaos. it is possible to get across--i do it all the time. maybe thats why its so Hard when i fall--because i know i didnt have to? i dont know. all i know is i cant take much more crazy.
this is all so hateful. i Truly dont mean it to be. im just frustrated and Frayed. most of the time, we get along fine and i can translate and we Communicate. hell--most of the time we are Very Close. but when we dont--when i lose my ability to speak her language (or when she loses it) or when there is only crazy being spoken--it is fucking Hard. and im fucking Sick of being misunderstood. I Hate It. and it makes me question everything about myself.