of ends and new beginnings (six months ago.)
Title: of ends and new beginnings (six months.)Pairing: broken!Kyuhyun/Ryeowook, Ryeowook/Ahra
Genre: ANGST! ;_;
Rating & Warnings: (still) PG-13. A bit of mature content towards the end, but nothing graphic.
Summary: It's been six months since the proposal, and they aren't together anymore.
A/N: It has really been six months.... 29.02.2012
Kyuhyun didn't want to attend Ahra's wedding. Regret will overcome him that when he stepped in the church, the feeling itself could kill him. But he has to. He is the bride's little brother, after all.
Ryeowook didn't want to attend Ahra's wedding, either. He would have to see someone he has been succesfully avoiding. But he has to. He is the groom, after all.
"Ryeowookie?"
"Hmm?"
"Have you ever thought that the one you're going to marry is on this earth somewhere?"
"Mhm. Everytime it cross my mind, I prayed that the person isn't doing something bad. Have you?"
"I think I might be talking to him right now." Blood rushed to Ryeowook's face, making it shades redder than usual. He swore he could hear Kyuhyun smiling on the other side of the receiver. His heart raced - he had to put a hand on his chest, just in case it fell. Just in case.
"Oh? Who?"
"You, dumb ass."
It's been six months, Ryeowook thought, and who knows he would marry someone else instead. He'd grown accustomed to the thought that in four years, on the exact same date, they would still be together and reminiscing Kyuhyun's first proposal to him, to the idea of 'spending forever with Kyuhyun' that it didn't occur to him that anything bad would happen to tear them apart. But of course, life would take its claim over things when they are most beautiful. Precisely a month later, everything shattered.
"Ryeowook-ah... do you think we should... go back to being friends?"
"...W-what? Why?"
"I want to concentrate on my public service duty. I can't continue like this... leading you on like this."
"Is this your way of getting rid of me?" Ryeowook willed his voice not to break, not to show his weakness. To not show his fear of losing Kyuhyun. Because he already did, and Kyuhyun apparently isn't afraid of letting him go.
"N-no. Of course not."
"Are you in love with somebody else? You can tell me."
"No, Ryeowook...."
"Cho Kyuhyun, do you even love me?! This whole time?" Ryeowook was a mess. He didn't exactly want to hear the answer to this question - it escaped his lips out of desperation before he can keep it shut.
"I really liked you, Ryeowook. You were a great friend."
Friend. He can feel his blood freeze and his heart stopped painfully for a second. A second that felt like a lifetime.
To this day, even he himself didn't know how he managed to choke an 'Okay, good luck, Kyuhyun-ah...' before he hung up the phone and proceeded to cry in his room. Ryeowook did not want to cry. But what else can one do when the heart feels hollow and empty, and that emptiness soon filled with agony?
Ryeowook adjusted his tie and checked his appearance in the mirror. His suit was shiny black, with a crisp white dress shirt under it, adorned with a white silk tie. His hair was perfectly styled to every little inch, his shoes shone under the sunshine that streamed into the room from the open window. Ryeowook sighed - he looked perfect on his wedding day. His partner, though -
He shook off the thought. What he had with Ahra is love - he is in love with Cho Ahra. He fell in love with Ahra fast and hard - she was so much like Kyuhyun, yet so much unlike Kyuhyun. She is caring, she is snarky. She never ignores Ryeowook. She loved him. They were the perfect match - Ahra couldn't cook, Ryeowook loved to. Ahra had near zilch maternal instinct, he likes taking care of people he loves. Ryeowook pushes and pulls - she knew exactly how to fill that in so that their relationship keeps on going. Ahra is the mature one - for she is his noona by a few months - but never loses her cute side. She is perfect, Ryeowook concluded.
That is why, only 3 months after his separation with Kyuhyun, he found himself on one knee, proposing who he thought was his perfect partner, for forever. She had tearfully said yes - -
"Ryeowook-ah."
The voice was masculine and deep, and he couldn't mistake that voice for anyone else's. He couldn't mistake the arm circling his waist anywhere. He had to pretend he did. He had to pretend, for the sake of his pride. And his heart.
"Jongwoonie hyung?"
The man behind him had tugged at his wrist, turned Ryeowook to face him, and pinned him against a wall. He was faced with Kyuhyun's big eyes before the other had ravished his lips - tousling his styled hair and wrinkling his perfect dress shirt. He could not admit to himself that he missed that feeling... not an hour before his wedding. He could not kiss Kyuhyun back, no matter how much his heart and body was against his mind to it. It would cause heartaches for everyone. But he did. It was a mistake. But he did, anyway.
Ryeowook's heart turned into a broken mess at his feet when Kyuhyun looked at him with eyes so desperate and teary. That was unlike Kyuhyun - the man has always some pride and a mischievous glint to his eyes. Not now.
"Ryeowook... I - I love you. I do, I really do. I hate myself everyday for saying otherwise - I cry at least one tear everyday - I waited too long.. I should have came to you when I had a break - "
"Take me away. Take me.... Make me yours. Let's run away somewhere, just the two of us. Please, Kyuhyun."
The two remained on that position for what felt like an eternity. Love isn't always expressed in words, at times it might be just a passing glance, a subtle touch or a long eye-to-eye gaze - where two people knew exactly what the other meant, even without the words. Tear after tear dropped on Kyuhyun's cheek and Ryeowook wiped them away. Kyuhyun's voice broke when he tried to speak - Ryeowook waited for the words - the confirmation or rejection. This is it, this is their last chance.
"I-I can't. She's my sister........... I can't cheat on my sister. I love you, Ryeowook...... I wish it hadn't turn out like this."
And with that, Ryeowook's arms held thin air as Kyuhyun stepped out of his embrace, and then the room. Stepped out of his life, and their future.
- - -
"Now I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."
Ryeowook inched closer to his newly wedded wife and gently kissed her lips. He shuddered as the memory of Kyuhyun's last kiss played like a movie reel in his head - so real, so vivid, he relived it right then and there. He could feel Kyuhyun slightly chapped lips brushing with his own, feel the warm of Kyuhyun's arm and the taste of Kyuhyun - sweet. All he can remember is sweetness. He forced his eyes open, trying to make it all go away, and just in time caught Kyuhyun stepping out the church in his peripheral vision. A loud cheer erupted in a crowd as they saw the tear that escaped Ryeowook's eyes, thinking it's from sheer happiness of being tied to his most beloved in a sacred unity of marriage. They wouldn't know, would they?
Kyuhyun, still clad in his best suit and shiny expensive shoes, went drinking straight after he exited the church with tears flowing freely down his cheek, his worn-out self control reaching it's limit when the couple exchanged rings. Bottle after bottle went empty as he tried to drown his sorrow, disappointed that he didn't actually find an answer at the bottom of any bottle. He is not usually reckless with alcohol, but tonight, he couldn't care less. So what if he got run over by a car? So what if he had alcohol poisoning? It would only kill him physically. He was dead at heart. It was his fault - why didn't he snatch Ryeowook away when he was so blatantly given the chance?
It was a customary thing to do for a man and his wife, so Ryeowook bedded Ahra that night - the very same night after he parted with the person he loved most. It confused him a lot - Ahra is a woman. It's like he had his mind set that whenever he held someone close like this, it would be Kyuhyun. Her body felt soft and warm underneath him, trembling and shivering at even the subtlest of his touches. She had curves Kyuhyun didn't. She definitely felt more fragile than Kyuhyun did - for she was not Kyuhyun and therefore does not top Ryeowook - and he quite liked it. Does it matter, though, when he wanted, wished otherwise?
So every time he hesitated - every time he wanted Kyuhyun more than his own wife - he kissed her more. He touched her more, he caressed her more, he tried to cherish her more. He whispered 'I love you's in her ear - but it was not Ahra that needed convincing. He said it to convince himself that he loved Cho Ahra, not Cho Kyuhyun.
And that night onwards, Ryeowook stopped believing in his own words. He simply couldn't anymore. After all, can you still believe in something after it caused you too much heartache and mistakes?