Some lessons can only be learned on wheels.
Today I learned an important lesson about why an adult should only skate at adults-only skating times. I went to skateland west today, and it was an explosion of children. Skating with children is an epic pain in my ass. I am simply not skilled enough to dodge and avoid the craziness of a hundred flailing tiny bodies all around me. I discovered that the overwhelming majority of children fall into one of 3 categories, with alliteration for your reading pleasure. :)
Captain Caution Captain Caution is easy to spot. He's the kid who is scared shitless at the fact that there are wheels attached to his shoe, and is absolutely convinced that if he moves his feet, he's going to fall down and somehow break something, be dismembered, or die. He coasts at a snails pace, with one hand on the wall, and the other arm sticking straight out for fear of losing his balance. Fortunately, because of their proximity to the wall and fear of everything around them, these types are easy to spot and avoid.
The Fearless Flailer The Fearless Flailer is the exact opposite of Captain Caution. This is the child who approaches skating with reckless abandon, but doesn't yet have the skill to keep from falling down on every lap. This child will cut you off, spin wildly out of control, do an amazing splayed out fall, and get up and go back for more. I have to admire the Flailer's tenacity, but their recklessness and propensity for falling and taking out those around them is frustrating for someone like me, who isn't a good enough skater to jump over them when they do something ridiculous.
The Show-off Shithead This little fucker has profanity in his name for a reason. These are usually older kids, between 8 and 16, who have been skating for a long time and are definitely skilled. However, their abundance of skill isn't enough to make up for their utter lack of common sense and concern for those around them. They move quickly around the track, doing fancy dances and spins, and showing off for their friends. This wouldn't be an issue if they had a slight clue as to what was going on around them. They will skate backwards and plow into children, fail a trick and take out a crowd, or simply weave in and out of people in such a way that the other skaters have to dodge their stupid asses to avoid a collision. Today I saw a 10 year old completely plow over a 6 year old because he was trying to weave through a crowd. I was also bowled over by a 14 year old who was skating backwards, zoomed right beside me, tried to do a spin, and essentially knocked me down with a sweeping leg kick/body check combo. The little bastard didn't even apologize.
So, in conclusion, I'll stick to my adult night on Sundays. At least the show-offs there are good enough to stay out of your way.
Captain Caution Captain Caution is easy to spot. He's the kid who is scared shitless at the fact that there are wheels attached to his shoe, and is absolutely convinced that if he moves his feet, he's going to fall down and somehow break something, be dismembered, or die. He coasts at a snails pace, with one hand on the wall, and the other arm sticking straight out for fear of losing his balance. Fortunately, because of their proximity to the wall and fear of everything around them, these types are easy to spot and avoid.
The Fearless Flailer The Fearless Flailer is the exact opposite of Captain Caution. This is the child who approaches skating with reckless abandon, but doesn't yet have the skill to keep from falling down on every lap. This child will cut you off, spin wildly out of control, do an amazing splayed out fall, and get up and go back for more. I have to admire the Flailer's tenacity, but their recklessness and propensity for falling and taking out those around them is frustrating for someone like me, who isn't a good enough skater to jump over them when they do something ridiculous.
The Show-off Shithead This little fucker has profanity in his name for a reason. These are usually older kids, between 8 and 16, who have been skating for a long time and are definitely skilled. However, their abundance of skill isn't enough to make up for their utter lack of common sense and concern for those around them. They move quickly around the track, doing fancy dances and spins, and showing off for their friends. This wouldn't be an issue if they had a slight clue as to what was going on around them. They will skate backwards and plow into children, fail a trick and take out a crowd, or simply weave in and out of people in such a way that the other skaters have to dodge their stupid asses to avoid a collision. Today I saw a 10 year old completely plow over a 6 year old because he was trying to weave through a crowd. I was also bowled over by a 14 year old who was skating backwards, zoomed right beside me, tried to do a spin, and essentially knocked me down with a sweeping leg kick/body check combo. The little bastard didn't even apologize.
So, in conclusion, I'll stick to my adult night on Sundays. At least the show-offs there are good enough to stay out of your way.