Lies
How many ways can I lie to myself? These are the questions I've been asking myself today because I'm suddenly really emotional. I miss all the good parts. I don't miss the bad but I realized today that I lied to myself the whole time and even now...even today I'm still lying to myself. I guess it's the damned survival instinct you know? "You're fine, Amanda. You want to go out and have fun. You want to find who you are. You're having fun." Well I'm not fine. I'm not ok ...but the important thing to remember is that I will be. I don't want to go out but I need to. I should. I don't want to put the work into finding out who I am but I also need to do that. I'm not having fun. But maybe I will if I continue to do what I NEED to do in order to better myself and my situation. I'm so lost. I have to find myself again and I don't know where to look.
I don't know where to look.
They tell me I'm a strong, capable and beautiful woman.
I don't feel strong. I feel lost.
I don't feel like a woman. I feel like a scared little girl.
Is this how everyone feels?
Probably at some point...
I just don't know where to look to find this strong, beautiful woman... But at least I know she's there...somewhere. And that's a start, right?
I don't know where to look.
They tell me I'm a strong, capable and beautiful woman.
I don't feel strong. I feel lost.
I don't feel like a woman. I feel like a scared little girl.
Is this how everyone feels?
Probably at some point...
I just don't know where to look to find this strong, beautiful woman... But at least I know she's there...somewhere. And that's a start, right?