Many things

[cheshire_smile9]

There are many thoughts in my head about what my future could hold. The scary thing is that I have total control over what I do. Well maybe not total control because I'm a not rich but I have as much control as a lot of people usually do. If I didn't have any control then I could blame someone else for possible failure at life but I can't because if I fail it's my fault. That's scary. Another thing is I dunno if Edmonton/St. Albert is the best place for me to be and I told myself nothing would get in the way of what I wanted to do for a career. Nothing including love. I guess if I have to go, I have to go but I'm going to do everything I can to stay here because I like it here and the more I learn about the rest of the world, the more I realize how lucky I am to have been born here. And not just Canada or Alberta or Edmonton, St. Albert. Yes folks, it's nice here. Ridiculously nice in comparison with some other places...Most other places actually. You don't have to wait for a cab here and you won't die because health care is included in taxes. And included well. And no matter what you want to learn, you can learn it here. It's pretty and it's peaceful and the weather is usually alright as well. Sure I wish I lived on a beach but for that I'd have to be rich. Also tax and membership complications would exist so I'll just have to settle for vacation. While I'm searching for my dream I will have to find something else do to. A way to buy a car and pay rent and eat food once and again because sure, I've been on my own but not without fundage from the parental units. I admire those of you who have been and/or are financially independent. I've always ever since elementary admire kids who could take care of themselves. I was never one of those kids. I still feel like a little girl and I still feel trapped. It's really strange to know I could have all these great things and not know how to get them and not feel like I can get them. So many people think I have great talents and I'm one of the great few who a lot of the time, seems to think otherwise despite words of encouragement. I just hope my parents don't open my mail when it comes because I sent my play to myself and a theatre because I wanted proof it was my idea and I hope they pick it up. So the proof will be irrelevant and not proof at all if the package containing my play is opened. I really aughtta mention that to them today because it's soon to arrive soon here. Also I wish I had my mid term exam mark from my stupid online course. It's infuriating not knowing what I got or if I passed. Well this is quite the lengthy rant isn't it? One last thing troubling me. Although I feel I am making friends and have the ability of course to make more, I feel like I'm losing friends more and more. I guess that's life. Some bonds grow stronger while other grow weak and sometimes break apart. Sometimes I miss 'us' at Keyano so much that it hurts. Today was nice though, a relaxing day where I thought about nothing or not much and didn't do any work, I just dicked around and my nails are getting really long and so is my hair and I think I look pretty and dad is back so I'm going to start working out again because when they were in Alaska on a cruise I was here alone for a week which was nice and I realize that this is a run on sentence and very horribly so.
So to stop the incessant rambling on.
If you're reading this, later dayz,
Mander