(no subject)
Stuff got kind of horrible last night; my Dad collapsed due to (they THINK) a chemical imbalance caused by a bad session of dialysis. He has only partial consciousness, and can't really remember who people are. My Mom (in her infinitely assuring way) was very clear last night that he is going to be absolutely fine, but I still have this pit of my stomach feeling. She said that all we could do was wait. The intensive care doctors are taking great care of him, and they are doing tons of blood work and psych reviews and stuff today...I've just got that feeling. I feel awful that my first reaction wasn't to jump in the car and be there, but I'm almost more scared of doing that. Wouldn't that mean assuming a worst case scenario? I just can't help but remember that the last time we spoke on the phone, he was really disappointed that I wasn't going to a concert he recommended. It was a big deal for him, and I sort of skirted the topic until he said "no, it's okay, I can tell you're not going to go." I feel like such an ass. I know it's really not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, but I just can't wrap my head around the possibility of having those words stuck in my head...