[LJ Idol 7: Topic 2] Self-De(con)struction
Welcome, welcome! I'm so glad that you're here, so glad that you've decided to join us.
You've done the right thing. You've come to the right place. I just want to make very certain that you know that, right away. Because it's important. It's important for you to remember.
Oh, there are other things you could have tried, other places you could have gone, but none of them are really any good. And I can see you're very intelligent and that you want the best and that you want to be the best you can be. That's why you're here. That's why I'm here.
That's why I came to a place an awful lot like this place, back when I was where you are. Because, really, we're an awful lot alike, you and I. I can see so many parallels. See, most of the world wants to live in middle school, and you, you're ready for more. You're ready for graduate school, not for middle school. That's why you came to me.
You came to me because you want to be a full human being, and human beings are social creatures who create all their meaning together. Of course you couldn't have done this work of becoming alone.
You're dissatisfied with yourself. You want more. You're dissatisfied with the world, too. You want more from it and you're frustrated when you can't have more. Look at me! Look at me! Wouldn't you like to have what I have? Don't you think - well, of course you do! - that my life is very much like the life you want to have? Of course you do - you're so much like I was, once! You're so much like all the best people I've gotten to know while doing the things I do, the important things in the world.
You're ready, I know you are, to take on this important, challenging, advanced work. It's time to participate in self-deconstruction, to take your flaws apart by getting in their face and asking WHY? What useful purpose do you serve in holding this person back from being everything that she can be?
And you don't know, yet, what your flaws are. You only know their results. That's where I come in. Because, you see, I've been through this so many times with so many people that I know better than you. You have to trust me. OK, if we have to slow down a little bit so that you can trust me, I'm all for that. Trust is important! I want you to trust me! But you can't ask so many questions. You ask too many questions - that is definitely one of your faults. You try too hard to understand things.
It just shows me how naive you are, how you're still very immature. Oh, not as immature as the people who would never walk through this door, but still quite immature. You don't accept that the world is the way it is. Oh, but I don't accept that either? This is true! But I'm actually working in effective ways to change it, and that makes all the difference. You? You're still stuck in a place where you let it hurt you. Oh, you're in so much pain, and I feel so sorry for you.
But now I'm proud of you. I'm so pleased that you shared your pain and your failures with me, with us. It means you're willing to become one of us. Because that's the next part of self-deconstruction: the deconstruction of the idea of a self. There is no self, except the self that others see. There is no private self - privacy is all about secrecy and shame.
Everything you are needs to be out there - so I can get in your face and tell you the things that are wrong with you. That's what I love about what I do! I get to piss people off for a living - and I get to make them LIKE it! Isn't that what you want to be able to do, too? Because, after all, we are so very much alike. You just don't have as much experience yet, you're still very naive. Keep coming back and we'll work on that.
What are we working on? What is the work here? Why are you asking so many questions? No, I'm not going to answer that. It's not my job to answer questions like that, and quite frankly I'm insulted that you asked. I thought you trusted me! This is unproductive. Why is this a problem for you? Why? Why? Why? Well, that shouldn't be what's really going on, so obviously there's more. You need to share with us the real reasons, or we're all wasting our time.
What cause do you have to feel moral conflict about a job? Unless you're working for revolution - real revolution, to save this completely fucked-up world from itself - then feeling loyalty to a job is no better than a battered wife feeling loyalty to her husband. Take the money and move on. Take the money, and give it to us, to those who are working for real revolution.
You're very naive about how the world works, you know. There's no reason to care about people trapped in the old paradigms. Just get what you can from them and move on, unless you know they are true, good friends, like we're learning to be to one another here. And true, good friends don't let each other live in denial. You're just drowning in denial of how fucked-up the world really is, and thinking if you follow the old rules it'll all be OK. Well, it won't. Following the old rules will destroy the planet. (Pay no attention to the damage my jet-setting lifestyle does. That's different because it's all about exposure to different people and different cultural values. And beer.)
I want you to be the very best and most effective person you can be. And I want your husband to be the very best and most effective person he can be. I don't give a damn if you stay together. In fact, maybe you shouldn't. You wouldn't want to hold him back. You shouldn't get in the way of his personal growth. If you can't support him in being the best he can be, while being the best you can be, you shouldn't be together. I know you say you love him, but the loving thing is to let him go if you don't have the maturity to keep up with him.
I'm telling it like it is. It doesn't mean I don't like you. I like you. You're important to me. I just wish you'd trust me and stop asking so many questions. Look - it's all right there in the book! I'm not talking to you about this anymore until you read the book! Your way of questioning me is very hurtful - it makes me feel like you don't trust me. This is damaging to the very intimate and very important work we are doing together. You only feel like you're going crazy because this world is crazy. You're not crazy. Maybe a bit flighty and irresponsible, definitely needing to do some growing up, but that's not the same as crazy. Crazy is a cop-out. Crazy is just a label that the middle-class guardians of morality want to use to keep us down. Don't let them.
Wait - where are you going? You're leaving? But why...?
Don't you trust me?
You'll be back. People like you, they look around for what's out there, but then they come back to me because they know I'm the real deal. And then they stop questioning.
And if you don't come back, I'll know it was because you couldn't handle the truth, because you're not ready to embrace the new postmodern worldview. Because you can't deconstruct yourself, you aren't strong enough to let go of you.
Because you are too selfish to admit that there is no such thing as the Self.
You've done the right thing. You've come to the right place. I just want to make very certain that you know that, right away. Because it's important. It's important for you to remember.
Oh, there are other things you could have tried, other places you could have gone, but none of them are really any good. And I can see you're very intelligent and that you want the best and that you want to be the best you can be. That's why you're here. That's why I'm here.
That's why I came to a place an awful lot like this place, back when I was where you are. Because, really, we're an awful lot alike, you and I. I can see so many parallels. See, most of the world wants to live in middle school, and you, you're ready for more. You're ready for graduate school, not for middle school. That's why you came to me.
You came to me because you want to be a full human being, and human beings are social creatures who create all their meaning together. Of course you couldn't have done this work of becoming alone.
You're dissatisfied with yourself. You want more. You're dissatisfied with the world, too. You want more from it and you're frustrated when you can't have more. Look at me! Look at me! Wouldn't you like to have what I have? Don't you think - well, of course you do! - that my life is very much like the life you want to have? Of course you do - you're so much like I was, once! You're so much like all the best people I've gotten to know while doing the things I do, the important things in the world.
You're ready, I know you are, to take on this important, challenging, advanced work. It's time to participate in self-deconstruction, to take your flaws apart by getting in their face and asking WHY? What useful purpose do you serve in holding this person back from being everything that she can be?
And you don't know, yet, what your flaws are. You only know their results. That's where I come in. Because, you see, I've been through this so many times with so many people that I know better than you. You have to trust me. OK, if we have to slow down a little bit so that you can trust me, I'm all for that. Trust is important! I want you to trust me! But you can't ask so many questions. You ask too many questions - that is definitely one of your faults. You try too hard to understand things.
It just shows me how naive you are, how you're still very immature. Oh, not as immature as the people who would never walk through this door, but still quite immature. You don't accept that the world is the way it is. Oh, but I don't accept that either? This is true! But I'm actually working in effective ways to change it, and that makes all the difference. You? You're still stuck in a place where you let it hurt you. Oh, you're in so much pain, and I feel so sorry for you.
But now I'm proud of you. I'm so pleased that you shared your pain and your failures with me, with us. It means you're willing to become one of us. Because that's the next part of self-deconstruction: the deconstruction of the idea of a self. There is no self, except the self that others see. There is no private self - privacy is all about secrecy and shame.
Everything you are needs to be out there - so I can get in your face and tell you the things that are wrong with you. That's what I love about what I do! I get to piss people off for a living - and I get to make them LIKE it! Isn't that what you want to be able to do, too? Because, after all, we are so very much alike. You just don't have as much experience yet, you're still very naive. Keep coming back and we'll work on that.
What are we working on? What is the work here? Why are you asking so many questions? No, I'm not going to answer that. It's not my job to answer questions like that, and quite frankly I'm insulted that you asked. I thought you trusted me! This is unproductive. Why is this a problem for you? Why? Why? Why? Well, that shouldn't be what's really going on, so obviously there's more. You need to share with us the real reasons, or we're all wasting our time.
What cause do you have to feel moral conflict about a job? Unless you're working for revolution - real revolution, to save this completely fucked-up world from itself - then feeling loyalty to a job is no better than a battered wife feeling loyalty to her husband. Take the money and move on. Take the money, and give it to us, to those who are working for real revolution.
You're very naive about how the world works, you know. There's no reason to care about people trapped in the old paradigms. Just get what you can from them and move on, unless you know they are true, good friends, like we're learning to be to one another here. And true, good friends don't let each other live in denial. You're just drowning in denial of how fucked-up the world really is, and thinking if you follow the old rules it'll all be OK. Well, it won't. Following the old rules will destroy the planet. (Pay no attention to the damage my jet-setting lifestyle does. That's different because it's all about exposure to different people and different cultural values. And beer.)
I want you to be the very best and most effective person you can be. And I want your husband to be the very best and most effective person he can be. I don't give a damn if you stay together. In fact, maybe you shouldn't. You wouldn't want to hold him back. You shouldn't get in the way of his personal growth. If you can't support him in being the best he can be, while being the best you can be, you shouldn't be together. I know you say you love him, but the loving thing is to let him go if you don't have the maturity to keep up with him.
I'm telling it like it is. It doesn't mean I don't like you. I like you. You're important to me. I just wish you'd trust me and stop asking so many questions. Look - it's all right there in the book! I'm not talking to you about this anymore until you read the book! Your way of questioning me is very hurtful - it makes me feel like you don't trust me. This is damaging to the very intimate and very important work we are doing together. You only feel like you're going crazy because this world is crazy. You're not crazy. Maybe a bit flighty and irresponsible, definitely needing to do some growing up, but that's not the same as crazy. Crazy is a cop-out. Crazy is just a label that the middle-class guardians of morality want to use to keep us down. Don't let them.
Wait - where are you going? You're leaving? But why...?
Don't you trust me?
You'll be back. People like you, they look around for what's out there, but then they come back to me because they know I'm the real deal. And then they stop questioning.
And if you don't come back, I'll know it was because you couldn't handle the truth, because you're not ready to embrace the new postmodern worldview. Because you can't deconstruct yourself, you aren't strong enough to let go of you.
Because you are too selfish to admit that there is no such thing as the Self.