Into an answering machine....darkly...[IC]
at the tone, please record your message. when you are finished recording, press one for more options....BEEP!
um....I hate that my ramble has been stolen. I'm silent now and thats possably the most difficult thing for me to handle. I've never had such things done that they rendered me speechless. Well, not speechless so much as just afraid to speak. Afraid of uttering anything that might draw their attention again. I'm not even really scared to have this happen to me again. It was what it was and in my logical brain, which is admitedly the smaller portion of my thinking parts, just an act. Just something that was ment to bring me to my knees. If I was stronger, it wouldn't have and I suspose that it hasn't, at least physicaly. Emotional, yes. Mental, yes. I wish I could fix that, actually this is an attempt to fix that. To raise my emotional and mental state from the basement where it has been flung like so much old and filthy detritus. I know that I am loved, taken care of, defended, ec cetra, but that doesn't make any of this any easier. This isn't what anyone else can do for me, this is what I need to do for myself. I can't have others rifle through my mind and put up blocks and walls to keep the bad traped. I have to get in there and dig around and root it out myself. Which, this is supposed to be doing. Getting my ramble back. though...
it looks like I have.
..........BEEP!
um....I hate that my ramble has been stolen. I'm silent now and thats possably the most difficult thing for me to handle. I've never had such things done that they rendered me speechless. Well, not speechless so much as just afraid to speak. Afraid of uttering anything that might draw their attention again. I'm not even really scared to have this happen to me again. It was what it was and in my logical brain, which is admitedly the smaller portion of my thinking parts, just an act. Just something that was ment to bring me to my knees. If I was stronger, it wouldn't have and I suspose that it hasn't, at least physicaly. Emotional, yes. Mental, yes. I wish I could fix that, actually this is an attempt to fix that. To raise my emotional and mental state from the basement where it has been flung like so much old and filthy detritus. I know that I am loved, taken care of, defended, ec cetra, but that doesn't make any of this any easier. This isn't what anyone else can do for me, this is what I need to do for myself. I can't have others rifle through my mind and put up blocks and walls to keep the bad traped. I have to get in there and dig around and root it out myself. Which, this is supposed to be doing. Getting my ramble back. though...
it looks like I have.
..........BEEP!