(no subject)
I think I've finally realized why my sleeping patterns have been ... well, absent. For about the last week or so, I'll get home. Sleep, and wake up between 10 - 10:30 a.m. Just like I've had a restful night's (or in my case, day's) sleep. And have been unable to sleep the rest of the day.
It was a year ago yesterday that my papa died. I think subconciously I've been re-living what happened. Yesterday was a little hectic, so my thoughts didn't lingre on it too long. But it hit me really hard this morning. I sobbed for a good two hours, and I finally cried myself to sleep.
It's not like it was incredibly tragic, or unexpected. No, wait. Tragic, yes. Unexpected, no.
I still remember Sydni calling me to tell me that papa was in the hospital, and to please come to Corpus. I was so tired, and I told her if he gets worse to call, and I'll go. She called me about an hour later to tell me Andy was pulled from the field, and was being flown to Corpus, and I should go. So I did. Edward & I went to Corpus. The only time I wasn't at the hospital was when I was sleeping. He was there for a few days. No machines, just a morphine IV to keep him asleep and out of pain. The last day he was at the hospital, I got there extra early. Same crowd. MomMom, Aunt Sue & Aunt Linda, even Savanah was there. Sydni showed up a bit later. Savanah got hungry, so Linda took her to the snack machine.... a few minutes after they left the room, I watched my papa take his last breath. I was the only one that saw it, before everyone realized what had happend... My favorite person in the world just died. After the panic, and alerting the nurses... I had to call my mom. I had to call my mom and tell her that her father died. Thus far in my 23 years, it's still the hardest thing i had to do. I called. She picked up, I said "momma" (i never call her anything but mom, or by her first name) and then I couldn't speak. She asked if he was gone, and all i could do was sob. Everyone else showed up to say their goodbyes.
He was the best person i knew. He had a wife of 60+ years, 6 children, and over 20 grandkids... and another on the way, that no one knew about. He had survived 2 wars that he was a pilot in, he was retired military. Had survived bypass surgery, and who knows what else.
When I was little he & I used to sit in the back yard and feed the squirrels. And, he always let me have 1st pick of carrots in his garden.
Anyway. i've just been wandering through my memories today
It was a year ago yesterday that my papa died. I think subconciously I've been re-living what happened. Yesterday was a little hectic, so my thoughts didn't lingre on it too long. But it hit me really hard this morning. I sobbed for a good two hours, and I finally cried myself to sleep.
It's not like it was incredibly tragic, or unexpected. No, wait. Tragic, yes. Unexpected, no.
I still remember Sydni calling me to tell me that papa was in the hospital, and to please come to Corpus. I was so tired, and I told her if he gets worse to call, and I'll go. She called me about an hour later to tell me Andy was pulled from the field, and was being flown to Corpus, and I should go. So I did. Edward & I went to Corpus. The only time I wasn't at the hospital was when I was sleeping. He was there for a few days. No machines, just a morphine IV to keep him asleep and out of pain. The last day he was at the hospital, I got there extra early. Same crowd. MomMom, Aunt Sue & Aunt Linda, even Savanah was there. Sydni showed up a bit later. Savanah got hungry, so Linda took her to the snack machine.... a few minutes after they left the room, I watched my papa take his last breath. I was the only one that saw it, before everyone realized what had happend... My favorite person in the world just died. After the panic, and alerting the nurses... I had to call my mom. I had to call my mom and tell her that her father died. Thus far in my 23 years, it's still the hardest thing i had to do. I called. She picked up, I said "momma" (i never call her anything but mom, or by her first name) and then I couldn't speak. She asked if he was gone, and all i could do was sob. Everyone else showed up to say their goodbyes.
He was the best person i knew. He had a wife of 60+ years, 6 children, and over 20 grandkids... and another on the way, that no one knew about. He had survived 2 wars that he was a pilot in, he was retired military. Had survived bypass surgery, and who knows what else.
When I was little he & I used to sit in the back yard and feed the squirrels. And, he always let me have 1st pick of carrots in his garden.
Anyway. i've just been wandering through my memories today