shame
have you ever taken a cold shower? no not that kind of cold shower. the kind where you turn the water all the way to freezing and you sit on the floor, gasping for air and crying, trying to numb out or fade away. have you ever taken a cold shower?
have you ever made a pretty pink heart on your hand with your fingernails, diggin in hard enough that the skin rose up like a welt. have you?
have you ever sliced open your arm, fascinated by your own blood. have you?
have you ever wanted someone to hurt you because you already promised you wouldn't hurt yourself anymore? have you?
EDIT: I'm rather ashamed of this nowadays but this is how i felt at some point. so i'm not deleting it. cause it's part of who i was.
have you ever made a pretty pink heart on your hand with your fingernails, diggin in hard enough that the skin rose up like a welt. have you?
have you ever sliced open your arm, fascinated by your own blood. have you?
have you ever wanted someone to hurt you because you already promised you wouldn't hurt yourself anymore? have you?
EDIT: I'm rather ashamed of this nowadays but this is how i felt at some point. so i'm not deleting it. cause it's part of who i was.