crying in photo 1.... goodness me
Today was an odd day... It started off not great... I had to develop lots of film and once I was done that I started talking to my photo teacher and it became this whole other emotional roller coaster in minutes. I just was talking to her about possibly going to MassArt and what she thought and then it became so much more. I was looking at what I was really afraid of and how I should live for now. At the time I felt so overwhelmed because it was so right and so nice just to let these things go I was just sobbing, I haven't cried in ages so this was really odd.(side note: I actually was thinking how I haven't cried in ages like two days ago, go figure)
We talked about how we were very similar... we both worry a lot of the time and like to be in control... We talked how I was worried about the future and in making the wrong decision in the school I pick... If I choose the wrong one I've lost control... I want to have control of what happens with my life... and I sit there and just worry about what the future will be and looking back at what I've done and where I've been and feeling the disappointment of where I am now... and that should;t be the case. Whose to say that I will be disjointed, whose to say that I'll even care... You'll end up where you do... and the true beauty of the trip is how you got there and what you learned. I need to stop worrying about what will be and start enjoying the now... At this point in time all I've done is worry and dread and what kind of life is that? One should live in moment and enjoy and embrace things as they come and as they are.
Like she sat there and asked me "Honestly, what's the worse that could happen?" And I go so long thinking of every possible thing and honestly that's not going to happen... it could but even if it does... if you embrace every moment as a learning experience to enrich yourself that is when you grow rather than dread...
I feel so drained but refreshed...
We talked about how we were very similar... we both worry a lot of the time and like to be in control... We talked how I was worried about the future and in making the wrong decision in the school I pick... If I choose the wrong one I've lost control... I want to have control of what happens with my life... and I sit there and just worry about what the future will be and looking back at what I've done and where I've been and feeling the disappointment of where I am now... and that should;t be the case. Whose to say that I will be disjointed, whose to say that I'll even care... You'll end up where you do... and the true beauty of the trip is how you got there and what you learned. I need to stop worrying about what will be and start enjoying the now... At this point in time all I've done is worry and dread and what kind of life is that? One should live in moment and enjoy and embrace things as they come and as they are.
Like she sat there and asked me "Honestly, what's the worse that could happen?" And I go so long thinking of every possible thing and honestly that's not going to happen... it could but even if it does... if you embrace every moment as a learning experience to enrich yourself that is when you grow rather than dread...
I feel so drained but refreshed...