ashes ashes, we all fall DOWN

[cherrylikecoke]

~MORGAN~ I don't know if your entries were directed at me or not. but, i would just like to take this opportunity to say that i don't know why i can't accept you sometimes...everything makes me angry. it's prolly not even about you. i even hate john at some point everyday...almost everyday. it's a monster inside of me, eating away my soul. i want to shoot it, tell it to get lost, but it grabs ahold of me, and i can't fight it. it's nurtures my hate, my grief, my pain--my self-loathing. it burns, and i can't make it go away. i have this for the rest of my life. but i have to put on a mask and a smile in the morning, and in the afternoon when i come home, the potency of my magic wears off and it comes out of hiding. despair rushes over me...sealing me like an envelope. it licks my wounds with relish, but pours salt on them in a deluge. i'm
never healing
always bleeding
eternally crying
hating
numb
less the person for doing this to you