Monday, Tuesday, Happy Days, Blah blah blah blah, Happy Days...
And back to the slums of Opp I return...
Monday, I guess. I hope. I freaking BETTER be back in Alabama by that point, or I just might... hold on a moment please...
**DRAMA ALERT, I REPEAT HICKASS DRAMA ALERT**
Ok, so apparently... A man that lives about three houses down from us is now hiding under our kitchen table. Yes, he ran in, claiming that his brother is chasing him around the neighborhood with a shotgun trying to kill him. So, at this moment, I know that the Sheriff's Department is on their way ouw, and we can see the other dude from our back window on the neighboring street, shotgun in hand, walking up and down the road...
I love life sometimes. This is just freaking beautiful. Caught up in the middle of some inbred, redneck excitement. I think I might just sit out on the front lawn in some cut off jeans, kick back in my folding chair with a beer and some porkskins, and watch this action take place.
Oh, and I just heard him say that his brother just got out of jail about a month back for stabbing a man. ... I haven't the words to describe my joy at this moment.
So, as I was saying before so rudely interrupted by a life or death situation...
I am coming back to Opp. I have worn a hardhat and carried a shovel and hammer all week long, and this is just not the job that I thinks fits my current situation. True, I can do the work. I could stay up here, away from Troy, away from my friends, away from my Pavlov, away from my surroundings, and make pretty decent money (and increase the amount of callous on my hands). Or, I could go back to Client Logic, and be around things that actually give me interest and happiness, or decent moments of bliss.
I would rather just drop it all, and randomly pull a state out of a hat, buy a bus ticket and work at a local bar or shop or something for rent. My life has been just in a cemented state for so long. I haven't had a job for the past couple of months, nor a car, nor the freedom to go anywhere even if I did have a car. I have found that cleaning my house gives me satisfaction. This statement in itself is sad to me. On top of the ED, I do not need to become more OCD or a perfectionist.
Anyways, I do not know where I was going with that. Briefly stated, I have not had my "own" life for so long now, I am scared of losing everything that is dear to me. I feel like I excite noone. I feel like I have nothing to offer. Nothing to interest people with. My mind has hibernated, and I am just scared that it will become comfortable in its state of seclusion.
That man, the one under the table, sounds like he might just be a bit whacko... He said his mother tried to kill him last week. Dude, he has more adventure than Indiana Jones...
I miss Troy. I miss getting to hold onto his hand. I miss his hand on my back while we walk into somewhere. I miss his eyes. Cuddling up to him when it is a bit chilly out.
I am coming back to him though... Not soon enough, but. Sooner than planned.
Okay, I have to go now before my battery runs out again.
Peace out my homies.
Monday, I guess. I hope. I freaking BETTER be back in Alabama by that point, or I just might... hold on a moment please...
**DRAMA ALERT, I REPEAT HICKASS DRAMA ALERT**
Ok, so apparently... A man that lives about three houses down from us is now hiding under our kitchen table. Yes, he ran in, claiming that his brother is chasing him around the neighborhood with a shotgun trying to kill him. So, at this moment, I know that the Sheriff's Department is on their way ouw, and we can see the other dude from our back window on the neighboring street, shotgun in hand, walking up and down the road...
I love life sometimes. This is just freaking beautiful. Caught up in the middle of some inbred, redneck excitement. I think I might just sit out on the front lawn in some cut off jeans, kick back in my folding chair with a beer and some porkskins, and watch this action take place.
Oh, and I just heard him say that his brother just got out of jail about a month back for stabbing a man. ... I haven't the words to describe my joy at this moment.
So, as I was saying before so rudely interrupted by a life or death situation...
I am coming back to Opp. I have worn a hardhat and carried a shovel and hammer all week long, and this is just not the job that I thinks fits my current situation. True, I can do the work. I could stay up here, away from Troy, away from my friends, away from my Pavlov, away from my surroundings, and make pretty decent money (and increase the amount of callous on my hands). Or, I could go back to Client Logic, and be around things that actually give me interest and happiness, or decent moments of bliss.
I would rather just drop it all, and randomly pull a state out of a hat, buy a bus ticket and work at a local bar or shop or something for rent. My life has been just in a cemented state for so long. I haven't had a job for the past couple of months, nor a car, nor the freedom to go anywhere even if I did have a car. I have found that cleaning my house gives me satisfaction. This statement in itself is sad to me. On top of the ED, I do not need to become more OCD or a perfectionist.
Anyways, I do not know where I was going with that. Briefly stated, I have not had my "own" life for so long now, I am scared of losing everything that is dear to me. I feel like I excite noone. I feel like I have nothing to offer. Nothing to interest people with. My mind has hibernated, and I am just scared that it will become comfortable in its state of seclusion.
That man, the one under the table, sounds like he might just be a bit whacko... He said his mother tried to kill him last week. Dude, he has more adventure than Indiana Jones...
I miss Troy. I miss getting to hold onto his hand. I miss his hand on my back while we walk into somewhere. I miss his eyes. Cuddling up to him when it is a bit chilly out.
I am coming back to him though... Not soon enough, but. Sooner than planned.
Okay, I have to go now before my battery runs out again.
Peace out my homies.