if you love me, you'll read it.
Two days alone, on an island, with two crackers and an orange. This might not sound like paradise to most people, but it became my paradise. Nothing can compare to the solo part of my Outward Bound course (a 12 day sailing trip on the Puget Sound) the summer going into 12th grade. I never thought I could stand being completely alone, with nothing to do for 2 hours let alone two days. Somehow I managed. No, more than that; I came out a much better person with completely different feelings about being alone and being able to tolerate entertaining myself instead of relying on the companionship of someone else.
Learning to be comfortable by myself was something I really valued. It just was not something that came easily. My family is big, so finding time to be alone is a real challenge Yet, something about being "smack-dab" in the middle of nature, in a place I had never been to before, actually soothed me. I began to have a clearer more confidant attitude.
When I was first dropped off in my spot (each person was set in a different area) I was scared. Watching the other students trek off to their individual locations, I didn't know what to do. It was just me, all alone. I just stood there and blinked as the other students got further and further away from me. I snapped out of it pretty quickly when I realized I needed some shelter to sleep under. I set up my tarps and sleeping bag, looked at the sun and was shocked to see it was still shining away, against my will. I thought for sure that it would have set after all that time I spent trying to make a home. Finally, I understood, "This is your time, Abby. Take advantage of it."
For hours I would sit on a rock, right at the water's edge. All I wanted to do was transform myself into someone who could survive alone. So I did. I wrote endlessly in my journal about what I needed to do to be that person. I was breaking out of my shell. My plan went into action immediately. I sang out loud, I danced, I talked to myself (no, not because I'm crazy). I did everything that would normally have embarrassed me. Then, before I realized it, I was already a whole lot more comfortable being Abby. I even gave myself a theme song that spelled out the way I was going to be. It told me to be bold, wise, and strong; so I am. By far, the coolest thing about having my own theme song is that I get to keep it a secret with myself so it means that much more to me. It’s my own thing and it will always reminds me of the time I spent on that island.
After all that self-discovery, I was exhausted. In about three seconds, I was out like a light. “Hey, Buddha, sleeping won't prepare you for life!” On the contrary, if I hadn’t done what I needed to do I would get nowhere. My needs have to be taken care of; no one can sleep or eat or breathe for me. Being on my own really brought that to my attention. I need to be responsible for my own actions, so I am.
Somehow, in 36 hours I had taught myself more than anyone else could teach me in a lifetime. I was lucky to have the opportunity to go on that Outward Bound course. If I hadn't who knows who I would be today. By being solo, I became more confident around other people because I was comfortable with myself. My time there made me much more prepared for any new environment. If I could make it on an island, I felt I could make it just about anywhere.
Learning to be comfortable by myself was something I really valued. It just was not something that came easily. My family is big, so finding time to be alone is a real challenge Yet, something about being "smack-dab" in the middle of nature, in a place I had never been to before, actually soothed me. I began to have a clearer more confidant attitude.
When I was first dropped off in my spot (each person was set in a different area) I was scared. Watching the other students trek off to their individual locations, I didn't know what to do. It was just me, all alone. I just stood there and blinked as the other students got further and further away from me. I snapped out of it pretty quickly when I realized I needed some shelter to sleep under. I set up my tarps and sleeping bag, looked at the sun and was shocked to see it was still shining away, against my will. I thought for sure that it would have set after all that time I spent trying to make a home. Finally, I understood, "This is your time, Abby. Take advantage of it."
For hours I would sit on a rock, right at the water's edge. All I wanted to do was transform myself into someone who could survive alone. So I did. I wrote endlessly in my journal about what I needed to do to be that person. I was breaking out of my shell. My plan went into action immediately. I sang out loud, I danced, I talked to myself (no, not because I'm crazy). I did everything that would normally have embarrassed me. Then, before I realized it, I was already a whole lot more comfortable being Abby. I even gave myself a theme song that spelled out the way I was going to be. It told me to be bold, wise, and strong; so I am. By far, the coolest thing about having my own theme song is that I get to keep it a secret with myself so it means that much more to me. It’s my own thing and it will always reminds me of the time I spent on that island.
After all that self-discovery, I was exhausted. In about three seconds, I was out like a light. “Hey, Buddha, sleeping won't prepare you for life!” On the contrary, if I hadn’t done what I needed to do I would get nowhere. My needs have to be taken care of; no one can sleep or eat or breathe for me. Being on my own really brought that to my attention. I need to be responsible for my own actions, so I am.
Somehow, in 36 hours I had taught myself more than anyone else could teach me in a lifetime. I was lucky to have the opportunity to go on that Outward Bound course. If I hadn't who knows who I would be today. By being solo, I became more confident around other people because I was comfortable with myself. My time there made me much more prepared for any new environment. If I could make it on an island, I felt I could make it just about anywhere.