Watch me break and watch me burn
That feeling you get when it turns out the person you've loved and worshipped and given up your mind and heart and soul to over the past two years doesn't know you at all....
Well, it doesn't feel like anything. He hung up after saying 'I need to call you back in a little while cos I'll just keep getting angry. But I love you, still..."
I told him I love him too.
So here's what happened:
About 6 months ago I had a phone conversation with my friend Mel, who also happens to be my boyfriend's ex. Somehow we got onto the subject of letters, and I remember her telling me "Oh, I threw out all of Tage's letters years ago..."
Boom!
He's never written me a letter, ladies and gentlemen.
Petty? Well maybe. But considering he has an entire drawerful of letters from me, I was a smidge offended. Bear in mind I've also had to deal with the two or three songs from 3dBs Down's first EP which were written about her. Back when Tage was obviously a bit more creative. He hasn't written a whole song for maybe 3 years now.
IS he getting lazier?
Do I just not inspire him the way Mel did?
So, because I'm a classy bird, I think one night I got drunk and confronted him with this. And this fight went on for months. He argued that because we see each other so much more than he and Mel ever did, because we have mobiles and can text each other, because he's just not that sort of person anymore, he hasn't written to me.
Oh, and that if I continued to nag him about it on such a regular basis, then anything he wrote to me would be completely insincere anyway - he wouldn't be doing it because he loves me, but because it would buy himself an easier life!
One night, during the time I was living at his house, Madi came by to pick us up for a party in New Ash Green. I got into the car first and she asked me what was wrong. I asked to book her for a girlie chat later in the evening. I poured out all of this, how completely inferior it all made me feel, how completely inadequate I feel next to Mel anyway and how this could only enhance it. And Madi fixed it. I went back home that night and told him it didn't matter anymore, that I did need him to be more romantic and spontaneous, but I knew that he loves me so I would let him do it all in his own time.
That was in September.
When he asked me about Xmas presents I told him that "you don't have to spend any money on me at all, you know what I want more than anything." Stupidly I assumed he knew what I meant by that.
I suppose this is all about my own insecurity. I mean, how many girls do you know who could handle their boyfriend being so close with his ex? His ex who is disturbingly similar to you - part hippie/part goth, art student, petite, opinionated. His ex that he went out with for four fucking years. When we were introduced we hit it off straight away, and I value her so much as a friend. But unfortunately she thinks I'm more okay with it all that I am so she tells me things she really shouldn't.
I suppose it all sounds so fucking petty to everybody else. I wish he could've picked something which meant a bit less to me to not do anymore. And now he's upset that everything he got me for Xmas won't mean shit to me. Of course it will, but it will also be a monument to how my boyfriend doesn't listen to me, and how, in my mind I just don't fucking inspire him.
Well, it doesn't feel like anything. He hung up after saying 'I need to call you back in a little while cos I'll just keep getting angry. But I love you, still..."
I told him I love him too.
So here's what happened:
About 6 months ago I had a phone conversation with my friend Mel, who also happens to be my boyfriend's ex. Somehow we got onto the subject of letters, and I remember her telling me "Oh, I threw out all of Tage's letters years ago..."
Boom!
He's never written me a letter, ladies and gentlemen.
Petty? Well maybe. But considering he has an entire drawerful of letters from me, I was a smidge offended. Bear in mind I've also had to deal with the two or three songs from 3dBs Down's first EP which were written about her. Back when Tage was obviously a bit more creative. He hasn't written a whole song for maybe 3 years now.
IS he getting lazier?
Do I just not inspire him the way Mel did?
So, because I'm a classy bird, I think one night I got drunk and confronted him with this. And this fight went on for months. He argued that because we see each other so much more than he and Mel ever did, because we have mobiles and can text each other, because he's just not that sort of person anymore, he hasn't written to me.
Oh, and that if I continued to nag him about it on such a regular basis, then anything he wrote to me would be completely insincere anyway - he wouldn't be doing it because he loves me, but because it would buy himself an easier life!
One night, during the time I was living at his house, Madi came by to pick us up for a party in New Ash Green. I got into the car first and she asked me what was wrong. I asked to book her for a girlie chat later in the evening. I poured out all of this, how completely inferior it all made me feel, how completely inadequate I feel next to Mel anyway and how this could only enhance it. And Madi fixed it. I went back home that night and told him it didn't matter anymore, that I did need him to be more romantic and spontaneous, but I knew that he loves me so I would let him do it all in his own time.
That was in September.
When he asked me about Xmas presents I told him that "you don't have to spend any money on me at all, you know what I want more than anything." Stupidly I assumed he knew what I meant by that.
I suppose this is all about my own insecurity. I mean, how many girls do you know who could handle their boyfriend being so close with his ex? His ex who is disturbingly similar to you - part hippie/part goth, art student, petite, opinionated. His ex that he went out with for four fucking years. When we were introduced we hit it off straight away, and I value her so much as a friend. But unfortunately she thinks I'm more okay with it all that I am so she tells me things she really shouldn't.
I suppose it all sounds so fucking petty to everybody else. I wish he could've picked something which meant a bit less to me to not do anymore. And now he's upset that everything he got me for Xmas won't mean shit to me. Of course it will, but it will also be a monument to how my boyfriend doesn't listen to me, and how, in my mind I just don't fucking inspire him.