fucked up
so lately my life is fucking horrible. my ex boyfriend is in prison for life, i broke up with him, and he started dating this girl, and they started doing hard drugs, and he ended up shooting her in the head, she was my friend ivori's sister, and recently one of my really good friends hung him self. last night to be exact. he went into his laundry room where there was a metal bar, and hung himself, and his younger brother who is my age, walked in found him cut the rope and proceeded on giving him cpr, he ended up dying in the hospital this morning. so i am going to have to go to another funeral which makes 2 in the past two weeks. i swear to god i dont know what is going on. im so confused. its like when i try to hang out with better people, they turn out to be even more fucked up then the last ones. my friend clayton got shot, and hes finally recovering. i dont even know what to do anymore, i feel so lost. so depressed. i broke up with nick unfortunately because i cant put my burden upon someone else, i dont want to make him miserable. the only place i feel safe anymore is work. i work at dsw and i love everyone there, and i work at island glow tanning salon and i like everyone there. i am moving out of my house within the next 2 months and getting an apartment with my friend tina from work, and im graduating soon as well.
from the outside of my little "circle" of friends, it looks like a fucked up black little hole, that everyone gets dragged into, my friend rebekah is pregnant, heather dropped out of school, and kelsey is in rehab. i swear to god the only fucking good "ones" anymore are kendra jordan amy and i. i hate this so much. i feel so alone, cause it feels as if no one understands my not wanting to get fucked up everynight, my not wanting to fucking do stupid shit, theres a point of time in everyones life when they realize that it isnt worth it, and i dont understand why no one can understand i am at that point. it just makes me sick, when my friends and i try to organize something like a candlelight service for our friends who arent with us anymore, at the park that we all hung out at, and they all show up coked out, or fucking stoned. they cant pay enough respect to fucking be sober, or when they show up at a close friends funeral wearing jeans and a tshirt looking like shit, is it truly that hard to dress appropriately. i know im mumbling on but its better than crying .
sorry again for making you scroll through this.
from the outside of my little "circle" of friends, it looks like a fucked up black little hole, that everyone gets dragged into, my friend rebekah is pregnant, heather dropped out of school, and kelsey is in rehab. i swear to god the only fucking good "ones" anymore are kendra jordan amy and i. i hate this so much. i feel so alone, cause it feels as if no one understands my not wanting to get fucked up everynight, my not wanting to fucking do stupid shit, theres a point of time in everyones life when they realize that it isnt worth it, and i dont understand why no one can understand i am at that point. it just makes me sick, when my friends and i try to organize something like a candlelight service for our friends who arent with us anymore, at the park that we all hung out at, and they all show up coked out, or fucking stoned. they cant pay enough respect to fucking be sober, or when they show up at a close friends funeral wearing jeans and a tshirt looking like shit, is it truly that hard to dress appropriately. i know im mumbling on but its better than crying .
sorry again for making you scroll through this.