Nothing's Fair in Love and War - 4/10
Title: Nothing’s fair in Love and War - 4/10
Rating: NC17 for the whole thing.
Warnings/Spoilers: Set after Series 2. Slash/Language.
Characters: Torchwood Team Fic - Jack/Ianto.
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or its characters.
Summary: Sequel to my fic - Sex, Lies and CCTV. Jack and Ianto deal with the end of their relationship. Flashbacks are indicated with ‘xxxxxxx’s….’
A/N: Because it’s a romzomcom.
Nothing's fair in Love and War: Part One
Nothing's fair in Love and War: Part Two
Nothing's fair in Love and War: Part Three
‘When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.’ Mark Twain.
‘I hate Torchwood. I fucking hate it.’
Jack watched as they all trooped through the cog door and Rhys followed - stumbling through, red slime dripping steadily from everywhere on his body and he thought to himself Ianto was probably hating Torchwood too right now because that was going to be a bitch to clean. There was a thin layer of what was quite possibly guts adorning Rhys’ hair and a smell that could strip paint coming off him and quickly seeping into everywhere.
‘Could you hate it from over there,’ Ianto pointed far away from him and grimaced, ‘please?’
Rhys glowered and Gwen stopped smiling as he directed it at her.
‘Rhys love - go shower. You can’t go home like that.’
He wiped slime from where it was about to drip in his eyes and glared at Jack as he watched on amusedly.
‘How are you spotless?’
‘I’m specifically dirty,’ he grinned across at Ianto who was pretending to ignore him and turned back to Rhys, ‘how is it you’re always the one who winds up with the Evil Dead look?’
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Screams filled the room and Ianto leant against Jack, eating pizza in a decidedly bored fashion.
‘This is the least scary thing I have ever seen.’
A zombie tried to eat someone on the screen and Jack took a bite from the slice Ianto waved in front of his face, his gaze fixed on the telly as its light flickered across their faces in the darkness of Ianto’s living room.
‘Shut up complaining.’
‘It’s not scary when you know it isn’t real,’ he announced and Jack rolled his eyes, eating another bite from Ianto’s slice and chewing distractedly, ‘especially when what is real is so much worse. Plus crap acting always makes me cringe.’
‘Shhhh. It’s gonna get chainsawed in a minute.’
A bloody corpse filled the screen and Ianto finished the piece of pizza he had been feeding them both, licking his thumb and looking distinctly unimpressed with the chain sawing.
‘How is that good?’
‘Why do you never like the films I pick?’
Ianto smiled and put his feet up on the coffee table, leaning back into Jack’s arms.
‘Didn’t I just state the reasons?’
‘Shut up,’ Jack grinned and pulled him into the crook of his shoulder, lightly running his fingers in his hair and pressing his lips to the top of his head briefly as he stared at the screen, ‘you always get lucky when we watch a film together so why are you complaining?’
‘If you think I’m going to get turned on by ‘Evil Dead,’’ Ianto shifted in the cushions and Jack moved in closer, ‘- you’re mad.’
The film finished after a while and Ianto moved his head to lean against the side of Jack’s, kissed down his neck slowly.
‘You think I’m mad?’
‘I do.’ Ianto murmured running his hand up Jack’s shirt and kissing back up his neck.
‘I’m not,’ Jack replied and Ianto looked up questioningly, his fingers absently playing with his belt buckle, ‘mad I mean,’ he clarified, ‘I probably should be. But I’m almost certain I’m not.’
Ianto watched him for a second and he looked off into the distance.
‘We’re all mad Jack,’ he said eventually and sat back up, crossing his legs and looking at him, ‘we’re all as confused and crazy as each other…oddly it’s what makes us normal. Too many questions, not enough answers.’
‘No.’ Jack shook his head and sat up opposite him, ‘it’s not questioning that drives you mad - questioning is good, it’s the answers that’ll make you crazy.’
‘That’s not true, it’s never finding out, constantly searching for an answer, that is what makes you insane.’ Ianto picked up another slice of pizza and nodded his head toward him, ‘you know that.’
‘I’m not mad,’ he repeated, taking the slice Ianto passed him and chewing slowly, ‘and there’s a difference between searching for an answer and waiting for an explanation.’
Ianto didn’t reply to that so he carried on, ‘sometimes not knowing the answer to a question is the best part and discovering the answer - that’s just the end of the question and you’re no better off. You aren’t searching anymore, you have no motivation and sometimes you know something you wish you didn’t.’
‘No it means you achieved something, you have an answer, you gained some knowledge.’
‘Why is that good?’ He took another bite and looked past Ianto, ‘sometimes you can know too much.’
They chewed silently for a minute until Ianto looked at him carefully.
‘Do you? Know too much I mean?’
Jack looked back to him and grinned, ‘do I look crazy?’
‘You look like Jack.’
‘Is that the same thing?’
‘Quite possibly,’ Ianto agreed, throwing the crust back in the box and taking the rest of Jack’s slice as he offered it, ‘and I don’t believe you. You still want to know answers after everything you’ve learnt, you can’t tell me you would want to live in ignorance.’
‘Well since we’re being so cliché, - isn’t ignorance bliss?’
‘No.’
They sat in silence for a moment and Jack contemplated him for a moment, ‘what do you want to know the answer to Ianto?’
‘You.’
‘Me?’
Ianto stared at him for a moment and then started to clear things away, ‘yes, you.’
He walked into the kitchen with the empty pizza box and glasses and Jack followed, pushing up behind him and pinning him to the side, gripping his hips and speaking low into his ear.
‘I don’t think you do. Not really - you think you do but really you like that I’m a mystery - that you don’t know, you love it,’ he moved his lips until they were touching the side of Ianto’s neck, kissed softly and murmured in a low growl, ‘you just love trying to figure me out.’
Ianto turned in his grip and Jack placed his hands behind him, leaning forward until he was centimetres from Ianto’s face, ‘like I said - searching for the answer is all the fun. You know that, always have, you try and figure me out with that brain of yours because I’m more complicated than I seem and because you know you will never entirely work me out, and that’s why you don’t ever ask me an actual question.’ He leaned in to kiss him and Ianto pushed him back.
‘No. I don’t ask because you wouldn’t answer me if I did.’
He looked away and threw rubbish in the bin as Jack watched him for a second before grabbing his wrist and pulling him back.
‘Ask me a question,’ Ianto looked away and Jack cupped his cheek, dragging his eyes back, ‘ask me a question.’
‘Any question?’ Jack nodded and Ianto frowned suspiciously, ‘and you’ll answer it?’
‘If you really want me to.’
Ianto appeared to consider it and Jack suddenly felt uneasy. They walked back through to the living room and he sat down on the sofa, Jack joining him, beginning to wonder if he would ever ask anything and just as he was about to ask Ianto looked over.
‘Why can’t you say goodbye?’
‘I can.’
Ianto smiled disbelievingly, ‘then why don’t you?’
‘You changed your question.’
‘You didn’t answer it.’ Ianto countered, inclining his head and adding, ‘why can’t you - or, why don’t you - say goodbye?’
‘I do.’
‘No.’ Ianto shook his head and reached his hand out, Jack took it, letting himself be pulled up and dragged upstairs, ‘you don’t.’
They walked into the bedroom and Ianto wandered into the bathroom, picking up his toothbrush and staring pointedly at Jack, ‘It’s just a word,’ Jack dismissed, unbuckling his belt.
‘Then why can’t you say it?’
‘Ianto -‘ Jack started and realised he didn’t know what he was going to say so he took off his shirt and trousers and climbed into the bed, sitting against the wall and watching as Ianto leaned against the door frame.
‘Do you always leave us without saying good bye? Your lovers I mean?’
‘Ianto,’ he sighed and Ianto padded over to the bed, pulling off his jeans and t - shirt and lying next to him. Jack turned the light off, shifted down in the darkness and leant on his side facing him, ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
‘You will.’ Ianto ran his fingertips over Jack’s brow sadly and raised his eyebrows, ‘and you still haven’t answered me. Why can’t you say it?’
Jack thought about it, how he never did say goodbye to Ianto. He hadn’t realised it before, but goodbyes were significant for him. All too frequent but always significant and now he thought about it he knew one day he would say it to him and he would mean it.
He leaned over and kissed him softly, ‘I can.’
‘Will you say good bye to me?’ Ianto murmured, his fingers tracing gently across Jack’s chest and he leaned his forehead against his, ‘one day? Instead of disappearing, will you say goodbye to me?’
Jack breathed in deeply and stroked his cheek, ‘Maybe one day,’ he agreed, bending down to kiss him slowly and whispering into his mouth, ‘until then I promise I’ll always say good night.’
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Everything was still and silent apart from the whirring of computers and Ianto as he tapped his silver fountain pen against his leg absently and listened to the echoes of memories. Memories of Tosh rocking on her chair and declaring she was quite frankly a genius, smiling at him and showing off her latest translation - what had looked like an alien shopping list and he laughed as she proudly pointed at the screen and said she wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t a Ianto’s from a parallel dimension since it was so detailed…Another memory of standing by the tourist office and hugging her back after she threw her arms round his neck when he gave her a birthday present - a silver pendant necklace with a small amethyst stone to replace the alien one from Mary that she had had to destroy…All of them sitting in the Conference room till late and Ianto beating Owen at drinking games, and then at Poker and Owen blaming his face, saying it wasn’t fair that Ianto could remain so expressionless. To which Ianto had had no reaction and Owen had stormed off.
‘What are you thinking so hard about?’
He looked up and Jack was standing in front of him, he closed his diary and stopped the almost forgotten images, the half remembered conversations and old familiar sounds of shouting and chatting, comforting and laughter that he was playing out in his mind, settling back into reality and the all too consuming quiet of the Hub these days as it drifted back into his consciousness. He was briefly thankful that he could remember the past happily, rather than the overwhelming onslaught of gun shots and blood, tears and arguments that had normally invaded his thoughts of late.
‘Nothing, just…memories.’
‘Not me then?’
Ianto smiled up at him, ‘you know, Tosh - she bought me this pen.’
Jack tensed and Ianto continued because he wanted to talk about her and remember her even if Jack didn’t, wouldn’t - couldn’t.
‘She said she thought maybe it would make me think of her and I would write about her in my diary, she didn’t think anyone had ever written about her before.’
‘Do you?’
‘All the time.’
Jack sat down next to him and they sat in silence for a few moments.
‘Long day.’
‘Uh huh.’
His leg brushed Jack’s and he rolled his eyes exasperatedly, he really shouldn’t be imagining leaning over and kissing him hard, pushing his hands under his shirt and fucking him until they both couldn’t remember why they had broken up.
‘Care to join me?’
Ianto jolted and could have sworn Jack’s hand stroked his, ‘sorry, what?’
‘Drink?’
Jack stared at him and Ianto felt his resolve tremble, it had been far too long he thought. There hadn’t been anyone since Jack and he wondered if that had been the same with him - then he remembered Jack was Jack and if there was a warm body or an interesting personality or a nice looking stranger Jack had probably slept with it and suddenly he felt sick.
‘I should go home’
‘Okay,’ Jack agreed and Ianto stood up, went to leave, reached the door and looked back. Jack had closed his eyes and wrapped his coat round himself, and maybe he wasn’t going to go out and fuck the next available passer by.
‘Jack?’
‘Yes?’
‘What will you do...? Tonight I mean? Going out?’
‘No. I might sleep. I’m tired.’
Ianto hesitated and Jack stared at him, ‘okay. Erm…night then.’
Jack smiled and saluted lazily. ‘Good night, Ianto.’
A/N 2: Okay guys this was long I know, I really felt liking writing a conversation so this is that. And also I can't say goodbye. So this is where that came from. Thank you all so much for staying with the break up idea…even if I do get regularly berated. I promise you that there will be smut galore soon (Part 6 - flashbacks are handy ;-) - it’s two parts, 4000 words and pretty much all sex…
Part Five