Happy Birthday to me :)
I kind of felt that a reflection type of entry was in order just because my 23rd year of life was one of the hardest I've had my brief time on earth. Starting from last November, not long after I turned 23, the worst "spell" of depression and anxiety set it and hung around till about March when it slowly started to dissipate. Almost a year later I don't feel I fully recovered but am definitely well on my way to feeling like I'm whole again.
I was terrified that I was going to feel like I was in a "funk" on my wedding, but I have my good days and my bad days and that just so turned out to be a good day. :) Thank goodness. I thought I'd take this time to remind myself of all the things I have learned and all the things I have going for me. I'm just still a little worried history will repeat itself and I'll feel like I'm in that bad place again.
Over the past year I learned what my mind is capable of, even if it was in the negative sense, I now can see what kind of an influence it can have on EVERYTHING. I also am seeing how much of an effect that good health can have on my mental and emotional stability. I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things with that. :) I'm a smart girl, I know that and I need to use that. I need to turn all these thinking into a positive light and all will begin putting itself back together. It's hard in the world today, but just because things are looking bleak all around me, it doesn't mean there aren't still things for me to smile about. :) For instance, my niece is trying to sing Happy Birthday to me. :)
Although this past year has been a tough one, it's also been a mile marker for many other things in my life. I married the most amazing man last month :) I decided to slowly submerge myself back into school, maybe not fulltime every again but definitely realized that I just crave knowledge. My mind needs to be in constant use (and since my job lacks in the area of mental stimulation) I went to seek it out in business courses. :)
I think that my mind and emotions sunk in so deeply was because I felt so lost and hopeless, which fed those feeling in turn, it's a vicious cycle. I had myself convinced that my life was going to be cut short by some physical problem, first it was a brain tumor then some other form of cancer, and then it was just my mind picking out every small ailment, every tiny pain I felt and focusing in on it. I made my self sick for so long, I can see how people probably do die just from being depressed. I pulled myself out of it, not with A LOT of help though. My family, friends, counselors, holistic healers....I incorporated everyone I could. I am SO much better, and I got better every day but I still don't feel 100%. This year I am going to get back to that point. Get back to how I felt when I was focused, light hearted and just generally happy.
Like I said, it's kind of hard these days to be those things with everything whirling around in chaos like it is, but it's not impossible.
I was terrified that I was going to feel like I was in a "funk" on my wedding, but I have my good days and my bad days and that just so turned out to be a good day. :) Thank goodness. I thought I'd take this time to remind myself of all the things I have learned and all the things I have going for me. I'm just still a little worried history will repeat itself and I'll feel like I'm in that bad place again.
Over the past year I learned what my mind is capable of, even if it was in the negative sense, I now can see what kind of an influence it can have on EVERYTHING. I also am seeing how much of an effect that good health can have on my mental and emotional stability. I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things with that. :) I'm a smart girl, I know that and I need to use that. I need to turn all these thinking into a positive light and all will begin putting itself back together. It's hard in the world today, but just because things are looking bleak all around me, it doesn't mean there aren't still things for me to smile about. :) For instance, my niece is trying to sing Happy Birthday to me. :)
Although this past year has been a tough one, it's also been a mile marker for many other things in my life. I married the most amazing man last month :) I decided to slowly submerge myself back into school, maybe not fulltime every again but definitely realized that I just crave knowledge. My mind needs to be in constant use (and since my job lacks in the area of mental stimulation) I went to seek it out in business courses. :)
I think that my mind and emotions sunk in so deeply was because I felt so lost and hopeless, which fed those feeling in turn, it's a vicious cycle. I had myself convinced that my life was going to be cut short by some physical problem, first it was a brain tumor then some other form of cancer, and then it was just my mind picking out every small ailment, every tiny pain I felt and focusing in on it. I made my self sick for so long, I can see how people probably do die just from being depressed. I pulled myself out of it, not with A LOT of help though. My family, friends, counselors, holistic healers....I incorporated everyone I could. I am SO much better, and I got better every day but I still don't feel 100%. This year I am going to get back to that point. Get back to how I felt when I was focused, light hearted and just generally happy.
Like I said, it's kind of hard these days to be those things with everything whirling around in chaos like it is, but it's not impossible.