Don't know what to do with her.......
Tanner and I were headed back up to Flagstaff when I get a text message from a friend....and she says "I was just moved from ICU to adult care, my room number is 614, you can reach me at (such and such phone number)" So I'm like "what the hell??" and I asked her what happened, and as if it were not a big deal she responds with "I tried to kill myself jumping off a second story balcony and had to have brain surgery for a blood clot and skull and facial fractures"
*heart dropped into stomach*
It wasn't like extreme concern washed over me, it was memories of what she used to be like and the gradual change that I could see every day and see her problems only escalating. All the turmoil that she dragged me threw JUST because I was in her life....it had nothing to do with me, but she is one of those infectious people who can just let their own darkness surround everyone around them.
I thought I should go see her....but I could not think of a comforting, empathetic, or nice thing to say....I was just SO angry!! If I saw her I could just imagine myself yelling "what the hell is the matter with you?? Are you fucking stupid??? Why would you do something that dumb and selfish??? Is your life so terrible that the only thing you could think to do is end it????"
I always knew she had issues, particularly in the mental health department....I just cannot wrap my mind around the fact that she just jumped off a balcony. And as if I don't feel selfish and uncaring enough.....the thought keeps running through my mind, "I don't need this". Being her friend has always been tough, but I could always find the reasons that I became friends with her in the first place....why we connected like we did. And now....I just don't know anymore.
I feel like the shittiest friend in the world not even WANTING to go to Phoenix to see her because I know I won't feel anything but anger and disgust. What do I do? Do I just go see her because regardless she is still my friend and if I didn't care I wouldn't be affected by the news at all......or do I let go of all the drama she blankets herself in and call it quits?
*heart dropped into stomach*
It wasn't like extreme concern washed over me, it was memories of what she used to be like and the gradual change that I could see every day and see her problems only escalating. All the turmoil that she dragged me threw JUST because I was in her life....it had nothing to do with me, but she is one of those infectious people who can just let their own darkness surround everyone around them.
I thought I should go see her....but I could not think of a comforting, empathetic, or nice thing to say....I was just SO angry!! If I saw her I could just imagine myself yelling "what the hell is the matter with you?? Are you fucking stupid??? Why would you do something that dumb and selfish??? Is your life so terrible that the only thing you could think to do is end it????"
I always knew she had issues, particularly in the mental health department....I just cannot wrap my mind around the fact that she just jumped off a balcony. And as if I don't feel selfish and uncaring enough.....the thought keeps running through my mind, "I don't need this". Being her friend has always been tough, but I could always find the reasons that I became friends with her in the first place....why we connected like we did. And now....I just don't know anymore.
I feel like the shittiest friend in the world not even WANTING to go to Phoenix to see her because I know I won't feel anything but anger and disgust. What do I do? Do I just go see her because regardless she is still my friend and if I didn't care I wouldn't be affected by the news at all......or do I let go of all the drama she blankets herself in and call it quits?