Before I go to sleep
I stay awake until I can't keep my eyes open because of what it does to the world around me. It is the closest that I will ever get to the feeling that I get when I am asleep. To be able to grasp, even in the short time that it happens, the feeling of being locked in that surreal state of wakeful dreaming.
When I'm asleep, we walk and we are speaking but I never hear the conversation. I never hold on to it long enough to know what was said. Maybe you've finally told me the end of my fairytale. Of a fairytale that cannot exist outside of those precious, cursed hours when it is no longer night and not yet day. When I am asleep I am nothing. I am a ghost and capable of transcending what I am and who I am. Maybe you are too.
"Like water, I had no color. Running free, eternal beauty."
Sleep will wait for me to return. It will come soon enough. It will close my eyes and show me the teasing images that feel real until that world slides out of focus and softens and becomes daylight. Harsh and concrete. The lines of this world will never do. The confines of reality are much too sharp. Better to stay here. To put off sleep for another hour. For another minute. For just a second. Just one more. I'm not done dreaming yet.
When I'm asleep, we walk and we are speaking but I never hear the conversation. I never hold on to it long enough to know what was said. Maybe you've finally told me the end of my fairytale. Of a fairytale that cannot exist outside of those precious, cursed hours when it is no longer night and not yet day. When I am asleep I am nothing. I am a ghost and capable of transcending what I am and who I am. Maybe you are too.
"Like water, I had no color. Running free, eternal beauty."
Sleep will wait for me to return. It will come soon enough. It will close my eyes and show me the teasing images that feel real until that world slides out of focus and softens and becomes daylight. Harsh and concrete. The lines of this world will never do. The confines of reality are much too sharp. Better to stay here. To put off sleep for another hour. For another minute. For just a second. Just one more. I'm not done dreaming yet.