hm.
Graduation: May 16th. Nuts.
I am no closer to understanding the world than I was when I started high school. Okay, maybe a little closer. I was so obsessed with things that now don't mean anything to me. Now, I guess I still am, a little. I try to look past those things to the big, bad world, but I think that is harder for some people than others.
I have always wondered why some of the smartest people I knew were on so many drugs, or were addicted to video games or something else, and I think it's because the smarter you are, the more you know, the more you understand, the worse things look sometimes. If you are observant and thoughtful, life seems really boring, or it seems really scary, or overwhelming, and so people have to find a way they can participate without being blinded by it. Everything seems a little mundane, so why not spend your time fucked up? Why not play games all the time? But in order to come to terms with ourselves, and our surroundings, we have to have a clear mind. I am guilty of many sins, but I don't want to be the one caught off gaurd when the time comes to step up.
I don't ignore life, but on drugs, or video games, or social bliss, I look from a different perspective, one of someone who is part of a different world. Well, I intend to fix this over the summer by getting a job and trying to be a real person instead of a fake person. I don't want to need sunglasses, I want to be a part of life. If people weren't so busy worrying about where they fit in and things like that, they would fall into place, because as long as you are alive, you are destined for something.
I am so embarassed reading my live journal from when I started high school. I remember my first high school crush, a boy on the academic games team, and my first 'new friend' and when I first started hanging out with older kids, and my first boyfriend, and my first heartbreak, and my multitude of best friends, and my huge collection of best days ever. Life hasn't been so bad to me that I need to look at it's shadow. Okay, so maybe I can't stare into the sun, but I can see the way it lights things up. Maybe with that perspective in mind, I will finally fall into place as well.
I am no closer to understanding the world than I was when I started high school. Okay, maybe a little closer. I was so obsessed with things that now don't mean anything to me. Now, I guess I still am, a little. I try to look past those things to the big, bad world, but I think that is harder for some people than others.
I have always wondered why some of the smartest people I knew were on so many drugs, or were addicted to video games or something else, and I think it's because the smarter you are, the more you know, the more you understand, the worse things look sometimes. If you are observant and thoughtful, life seems really boring, or it seems really scary, or overwhelming, and so people have to find a way they can participate without being blinded by it. Everything seems a little mundane, so why not spend your time fucked up? Why not play games all the time? But in order to come to terms with ourselves, and our surroundings, we have to have a clear mind. I am guilty of many sins, but I don't want to be the one caught off gaurd when the time comes to step up.
I don't ignore life, but on drugs, or video games, or social bliss, I look from a different perspective, one of someone who is part of a different world. Well, I intend to fix this over the summer by getting a job and trying to be a real person instead of a fake person. I don't want to need sunglasses, I want to be a part of life. If people weren't so busy worrying about where they fit in and things like that, they would fall into place, because as long as you are alive, you are destined for something.
I am so embarassed reading my live journal from when I started high school. I remember my first high school crush, a boy on the academic games team, and my first 'new friend' and when I first started hanging out with older kids, and my first boyfriend, and my first heartbreak, and my multitude of best friends, and my huge collection of best days ever. Life hasn't been so bad to me that I need to look at it's shadow. Okay, so maybe I can't stare into the sun, but I can see the way it lights things up. Maybe with that perspective in mind, I will finally fall into place as well.