another gin evening...with elderflower!
i've just heard of another vampyre movie that i really want to see - let the right one in
had anyone seen it?
maybe i'll download it and watch it with the scandotrash when in town next, or i can track it down next time i'm there.
so miss swedenland, but i cannot face going there again in the deep depression i'm hinging on. i want to go when i'm happy and have a lovely fun time with my scando family...until then i'll sit tight. or should i saw wallow tight...?
this morning i could hardly get out of bed, and wore my most comfy clothes to work - something i've never done before.
black jeans, ballet shoes, camo camisole (the one from hollywood blvd) and a big cashmere sweater.
at least my work colleague commented that i looked like tank girl with a 'continetal shelf' lol...
not a good mood to be in though when i should be training. (please sponsor me if you can)
i've got the race for life on may 6th here in london and wanted to jog it, but didnt go to the gym tonight as was wiped and looked atrocious from an hour with alla. she's a great relate therapist with a lovely russian accent, but it's getting to the point in the therapy where there's not much more i can do by meself.
i am so drained...just feeling empty. this evening's solo relationship therapy session was harrowing...the fiance didn't make it as he's busy working and also thinks he pretty much knows everything i'm going to say - yes, he might but i need somewhere like that to discuss things. instead i did that alone, and i'm sitting at home alone. and i hate alone. especially after the therapist had a go at me for self medicating - i've bumped up my prozac myself and been topping it up with codeine so i cant feel anything...but i was in rather bad pain today as i fell over after my kitten heel slipped in victoria station yesterday! ~(part of my leg below the knee is actually still numb)~
...luckily even without training the last couple of nights, my weight has pretty much stabilised. and since our nice meal last night i've had hardly any appetite at all. also luckily no cramps today.
just so want to be happy but just wonder - when is it okay to be unhappy?
(sorry gretchen rubin!)
and on top of it all, i'm losing my crochet mojo...which is usually what guarantees me happiness.
i've got 2 projects now on the go/on hold for the fiance but the way things are so up and down i find it too upsetting to work them up anymore. so tonight i'll go to bed with my audio book (after this tivo'd episode of 24, and some yoga) and make a different blue 12 pointed celestial katamari star.
tomoro night will be spent baking - as us girls have organised a bake camp instead of social media camp this weekend - that is if i don't go away some where with the fiance or run away with a knitter to wonderwool in wales (is anyone actually going still???)
had anyone seen it?
maybe i'll download it and watch it with the scandotrash when in town next, or i can track it down next time i'm there.
so miss swedenland, but i cannot face going there again in the deep depression i'm hinging on. i want to go when i'm happy and have a lovely fun time with my scando family...until then i'll sit tight. or should i saw wallow tight...?
this morning i could hardly get out of bed, and wore my most comfy clothes to work - something i've never done before.
black jeans, ballet shoes, camo camisole (the one from hollywood blvd) and a big cashmere sweater.
at least my work colleague commented that i looked like tank girl with a 'continetal shelf' lol...
not a good mood to be in though when i should be training. (please sponsor me if you can)
i've got the race for life on may 6th here in london and wanted to jog it, but didnt go to the gym tonight as was wiped and looked atrocious from an hour with alla. she's a great relate therapist with a lovely russian accent, but it's getting to the point in the therapy where there's not much more i can do by meself.
i am so drained...just feeling empty. this evening's solo relationship therapy session was harrowing...the fiance didn't make it as he's busy working and also thinks he pretty much knows everything i'm going to say - yes, he might but i need somewhere like that to discuss things. instead i did that alone, and i'm sitting at home alone. and i hate alone. especially after the therapist had a go at me for self medicating - i've bumped up my prozac myself and been topping it up with codeine so i cant feel anything...but i was in rather bad pain today as i fell over after my kitten heel slipped in victoria station yesterday! ~(part of my leg below the knee is actually still numb)~
...luckily even without training the last couple of nights, my weight has pretty much stabilised. and since our nice meal last night i've had hardly any appetite at all. also luckily no cramps today.
just so want to be happy but just wonder - when is it okay to be unhappy?
(sorry gretchen rubin!)
and on top of it all, i'm losing my crochet mojo...which is usually what guarantees me happiness.
i've got 2 projects now on the go/on hold for the fiance but the way things are so up and down i find it too upsetting to work them up anymore. so tonight i'll go to bed with my audio book (after this tivo'd episode of 24, and some yoga) and make a different blue 12 pointed celestial katamari star.
tomoro night will be spent baking - as us girls have organised a bake camp instead of social media camp this weekend - that is if i don't go away some where with the fiance or run away with a knitter to wonderwool in wales (is anyone actually going still???)