shit, son
I haven't written a substantial post in a while now, and I suppose since it's my last day at MoHo for this academic year it is only fitting that I wrote something profound.
What has Penny learned this year?
While in Rome I learned that I crave the European way of life. Perma-relaxing rather than the fast paced American lifestyle which leaves me breathless. It was nice to know that I wasn't expected to arrive anywhere at a particular hour. Time is not the focus, it's that you contributed to something in your own way. Although this is not new information for me, I regret having come to the States for college. Yes I've made friends, had good times, and all that... But this is not the road for me. I cannot picture myself graduating and immediately finding a job, or going through other rites of passage such as my first apartment or driver's license (yes, I should've done that years ago). I want to drift and be expected to drift. In Europe it is so much easier to be bohemian. Simplicity lies in indecision. Yes, I am confused and ambivalent. But it's my right to be that. It feels as if the American norm is taking that away from me with its go go go attitude, possibly pushing me somewhere I'll hate. Why am I expected to break from college into my own life? Why can't I meander at home for a while and discover something I'm passionate about? Yes, I do know that I love archaeology and classics and history and languages and art and music above all things... Why can't I love them and not turn them into something that makes money? I don't want my life to rotate about how much money I have. I don't want my home to be dictated by my bank account. I love the student life because you're studying what you love and acquiring more information - but that doesn't mean I want a career out of it. I want to continue studying the subjects that make me smile and not think about how to apply them for a job.
I suppose that's being too idealist. For fucks sake, why can't I live that kind of life which I myself choose? Why must beautiful goals be considered unrealistic? Why can't life be utopic? Fucking capitalism, I tell you. God is actually Adam Smith.
Yes, there are a lot of "whys" in that. The nagging feeling about the future looms over our heads as we try to enjoy the present. It's not fair. I demand to speak to the supreme force of the universe and ask "WHY".
The excitement of going to Israel is immense. Europe is my favorite location by far, but I'm willing to put it aside for a bit and explore other parts of the globe. However, I'm kind of leery about it. The continuous threats in the Middle East put me ill at ease even more now because I will physically be there. The bomb in the Tel Aviv bus station a while back unnerved many of the team members and we're questioning our safety as we're hunting down sturdy boots to romp in dirt. The students coming along all sound like a cool bunch, but we all know how judgemental I am should someone utter the slightest phrase that doesn't please me (M: "Hey! I know that song! It's Puff Daddy isn't it?" P: "No. It's Led Zep."). But I will *try* to be a more pleasant and understanding person... Pffffff, riiiiiight, that would be lieing to myself! People must love me for the cruel evil bitch I am! (cue Sympathy For the Devil)
And about this summer, well I have no idea what will happen. The Tomas stuff will be repeated. Hopefully Fanny and I will be able to hang out more since she got rid of her immature clique of brats. And there will be much sunbathing and swimming and lazing around and fat kitties. I do hope things will go well with my family, I don't want to step into another genealogical pile of shit again and be forced to clean it up. I'm too young for this. Why can't they hit me when I'm 40?
But finals are finally over. Considering I had such little work I really dragged them out. I must've stared at the articles for my archaeology paper for a good 5 hours, not actually reading, just looking at words. Then I did that the next day and the next... Till finally last night at 2am I decided to actually write the damn paper, finishing at 5:50am.
And I just realized I've been wearing the exact same shirt for a good 3 days.
What has Penny learned this year?
While in Rome I learned that I crave the European way of life. Perma-relaxing rather than the fast paced American lifestyle which leaves me breathless. It was nice to know that I wasn't expected to arrive anywhere at a particular hour. Time is not the focus, it's that you contributed to something in your own way. Although this is not new information for me, I regret having come to the States for college. Yes I've made friends, had good times, and all that... But this is not the road for me. I cannot picture myself graduating and immediately finding a job, or going through other rites of passage such as my first apartment or driver's license (yes, I should've done that years ago). I want to drift and be expected to drift. In Europe it is so much easier to be bohemian. Simplicity lies in indecision. Yes, I am confused and ambivalent. But it's my right to be that. It feels as if the American norm is taking that away from me with its go go go attitude, possibly pushing me somewhere I'll hate. Why am I expected to break from college into my own life? Why can't I meander at home for a while and discover something I'm passionate about? Yes, I do know that I love archaeology and classics and history and languages and art and music above all things... Why can't I love them and not turn them into something that makes money? I don't want my life to rotate about how much money I have. I don't want my home to be dictated by my bank account. I love the student life because you're studying what you love and acquiring more information - but that doesn't mean I want a career out of it. I want to continue studying the subjects that make me smile and not think about how to apply them for a job.
I suppose that's being too idealist. For fucks sake, why can't I live that kind of life which I myself choose? Why must beautiful goals be considered unrealistic? Why can't life be utopic? Fucking capitalism, I tell you. God is actually Adam Smith.
Yes, there are a lot of "whys" in that. The nagging feeling about the future looms over our heads as we try to enjoy the present. It's not fair. I demand to speak to the supreme force of the universe and ask "WHY".
The excitement of going to Israel is immense. Europe is my favorite location by far, but I'm willing to put it aside for a bit and explore other parts of the globe. However, I'm kind of leery about it. The continuous threats in the Middle East put me ill at ease even more now because I will physically be there. The bomb in the Tel Aviv bus station a while back unnerved many of the team members and we're questioning our safety as we're hunting down sturdy boots to romp in dirt. The students coming along all sound like a cool bunch, but we all know how judgemental I am should someone utter the slightest phrase that doesn't please me (M: "Hey! I know that song! It's Puff Daddy isn't it?" P: "No. It's Led Zep."). But I will *try* to be a more pleasant and understanding person... Pffffff, riiiiiight, that would be lieing to myself! People must love me for the cruel evil bitch I am! (cue Sympathy For the Devil)
And about this summer, well I have no idea what will happen. The Tomas stuff will be repeated. Hopefully Fanny and I will be able to hang out more since she got rid of her immature clique of brats. And there will be much sunbathing and swimming and lazing around and fat kitties. I do hope things will go well with my family, I don't want to step into another genealogical pile of shit again and be forced to clean it up. I'm too young for this. Why can't they hit me when I'm 40?
But finals are finally over. Considering I had such little work I really dragged them out. I must've stared at the articles for my archaeology paper for a good 5 hours, not actually reading, just looking at words. Then I did that the next day and the next... Till finally last night at 2am I decided to actually write the damn paper, finishing at 5:50am.
And I just realized I've been wearing the exact same shirt for a good 3 days.