tell me why this hurts so much
I dont even know where to begin. Lately.. things have actually been going good. Ive been going out and getting my mind off of richie and actually having a lot of fun. So i was handling this really well. Wednesday and thursday nights i drank for the first times in a really long time. But i did good. I knew when to stop and i was fine.. i just had fun. Then last night was when i had my breakdown. Richie ended up comming to shais house as well. Everytime i saw him i literally chugged some kind of alcoholic beverage.. and i was not ok. And nobody was really watching me and i got really messed up ! =[ I NEVER throw up.. but i definetly did last night. That was without a doubt the drunkest ive ever been.
Its weird bc ive been thinking about me and richies relationship a lot since weve been broken up and theres some things that i got mad at him for and now i think about it.. i dont really know why i got mad. Or i see now that maybe there were sometimes when i overreacted. And i see things that he did wrong and right a lot more clearly now. Its soo weird that when im not with him.. things seem more clear. So yeah. I miss him soo much. And it kills me to not know if he misses me too.
Lately there have also been a lot of guys that uhh.. are showing they have interest in me. Ew. Ive even said to them.. no i dont like you.. i still like my ex boyfriend.. i dont want anything.. leave me alone. And they wont. I hate guys. I hate them because there are soo many but the only one you want wont want you. And it sucks !
So yeah. Sorry for rambling on. On other news.. which is also depressing as shit !.. Cody (my dog) is not doing so well. We found out not too long ago that she has cancer. If you know Cody she is fat. She has A LOT of wrinkles all over her. But now.. her face is almost completely wrinkle free and you can see that shes lost soo much weight. Shes also having trouble breathing lately.. and we think that were probly going to have to put her down soon. ='( So yeah.. just another fucking plus in my life !
Its weird bc ive been thinking about me and richies relationship a lot since weve been broken up and theres some things that i got mad at him for and now i think about it.. i dont really know why i got mad. Or i see now that maybe there were sometimes when i overreacted. And i see things that he did wrong and right a lot more clearly now. Its soo weird that when im not with him.. things seem more clear. So yeah. I miss him soo much. And it kills me to not know if he misses me too.
Lately there have also been a lot of guys that uhh.. are showing they have interest in me. Ew. Ive even said to them.. no i dont like you.. i still like my ex boyfriend.. i dont want anything.. leave me alone. And they wont. I hate guys. I hate them because there are soo many but the only one you want wont want you. And it sucks !
So yeah. Sorry for rambling on. On other news.. which is also depressing as shit !.. Cody (my dog) is not doing so well. We found out not too long ago that she has cancer. If you know Cody she is fat. She has A LOT of wrinkles all over her. But now.. her face is almost completely wrinkle free and you can see that shes lost soo much weight. Shes also having trouble breathing lately.. and we think that were probly going to have to put her down soon. ='( So yeah.. just another fucking plus in my life !